I just found out this week that my husband has been calling a co-worker at weird hours of the day (early early morning and late in the evening) from his cell phone, although on some of these days he is home with me...I found the cell phone bill and noticed it was very very high and that it was also 10 pages long with 2 numbers called quite frequently including on Christmas Day and New Years Eve when he slipped out to pick something up from the store (that I think I asked him to do). He of course has denied any wrong doing and is quite upset that I think his relationship with this single, young co-worker that he refers to as his close friend inappropriate. He apologized for causing me hurt and worry..but never acknowledged the inappropriateness of a married man calling a single woman at 5 am to "wake her up" We have been having problems like he is working real late, won't call said he was asleep at his desk, we both travel a lot and now I find the phone bill...for the first part of the week I was pretty strong, somehow in denial and now after looking through this site I am an emotional basketcase barely keeping myself together today (and I am a teacher.) I just feel so bad...what should I do? he just isn't accepting or acknowledging wrong or inappropriate behavior...he claims he has not crossed the line with a physical relationship...but all the signs are there...and I am convienently heading off for another business trip...

Hi...<P>I'm new here also... I just found out my H was having an affair last week! I received a letter from the OW's H. Sorry for the acrynyms...they're supposed to be used, I guess to get more information!<P>Anyways...I couldn't believe it either. It took me awhile (2 hours) to get it out of him. But he was actually having a relationship with this OW! I just posted something myself, because I just got off the phone with the OW. She called to apologize and we were on the phone for over an hour. I got such a more clear picture (whether I wanted it or not).<P>We're supposed to go to see a counselor for the first time tonight, and now I don't know if I want to go.<P>There's so many emotions going on right now. I do know how you feel. I really do. And, that's unfortunate. I wish I couldn't relate, but I can. <P>Have you read any info on this site? It really brings insight to the way you "should" be thinking and how to handle the issue. <P>How long have you been married? Do you guys have kids? Luckilly, we don't. <P>I can't give you any real advice right now, since this is so new to me too, since last Thursday... But I would like you to know that me, as well as a bunch of other really good people, are here for you.<P>Good luck with your situation. Just keep letting it out. I know it hurts, but it's gotta be done, at least on my end...<P>Take care,<BR>D<BR>

I know just how you feel. When my H had his first affair (before we were married) it took me almost 3 months to get at the truth. I ended up confronting him with phone bills, verification from his BF who was there and verification from the OW. It was really hard to get him to tell the truth but it finally happened. <P>Maybe you need to gather more evidence. Talk to the OW and see what she says. Find out from her what's going on if he won't tell you. Talk to his friends at work to see if they have noticed anything or know anything about them.<P>I know it sounds hard and it IS hard, but it is probably the only way you will know the truth. He will have to tell you when you have all your evidence to confront him with. <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cpickel:<BR><B>I just found out this week that my husband has been calling a co-worker at weird hours of the day (early early morning and late in the evening) from his cell phone, although on some of these days he is home with me...I found the cell phone bill and noticed it was very very high and that it was also 10 pages long with 2 numbers called quite frequently including on Christmas Day and New Years Eve when he slipped out to pick something up from the store (that I think I asked him to do). He of course has denied any wrong doing and is quite upset that I think his relationship with this single, young co-worker that he refers to as his close friend inappropriate. He apologized for causing me hurt and worry..but never acknowledged the inappropriateness of a married man calling a single woman at 5 am to "wake her up" We have been having problems like he is working real late, won't call said he was asleep at his desk, we both travel a lot and now I find the phone bill...for the first part of the week I was pretty strong, somehow in denial and now after looking through this site I am an emotional basketcase barely keeping myself together today (and I am a teacher.) I just feel so bad...what should I do? he just isn't accepting or acknowledging wrong or inappropriate behavior...he claims he has not crossed the line with a physical relationship...but all the signs are there...and I am convienently heading off for another business trip...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

No we don't have kids, thank God, this was to be the big year...we have been marrie 6.5 years...I have read through the site. I just don't know about calling this other woman. How did you guys do it? I mean I am really out on a limb when starting to question people and what about our/my reputation if he isn't doing anything (am I in denial still?)<P>Gosh where do we go from here...did your husband show any remorse? I figure he isn't even giving this a second thought. He came home for dinner last night and called before he left work...I think he thinks everything is all better...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by purplemag:<BR><B>Hi...<P>I'm new here also... I just found out my H was having an affair last week! I received a letter from the OW's H. Sorry for the acrynyms...they're supposed to be used, I guess to get more information!<P>Anyways...I couldn't believe it either. It took me awhile (2 hours) to get it out of him. But he was actually having a relationship with this OW! I just posted something myself, because I just got off the phone with the OW. She called to apologize and we were on the phone for over an hour. I got such a more clear picture (whether I wanted it or not).<P>We're supposed to go to see a counselor for the first time tonight, and now I don't know if I want to go.<P>There's so many emotions going on right now. I do know how you feel. I really do. And, that's unfortunate. I wish I couldn't relate, but I can. <P>Have you read any info on this site? It really brings insight to the way you "should" be thinking and how to handle the issue. <P>How long have you been married? Do you guys have kids? Luckilly, we don't. <P>I can't give you any real advice right now, since this is so new to me too, since last Thursday... But I would like you to know that me, as well as a bunch of other really good people, are here for you.<P>Good luck with your situation. Just keep letting it out. I know it hurts, but it's gotta be done, at least on my end...<P>Take care,<BR>D</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Thank goodness for that. We've been married 5-1/2 years. We've been together for almost 8. <P>I don't know how I do it. People call me strong. I call them crazy. But maybe I'm stronger than I thought. I just don't know.<P>He's downstairs right now, should be working, but can't. I see how remorseful he is, but I still feel he's not telling me the truth.<P>You have to go with your heart and your "gut". It's the only way. My gut told me a long time ago, but I was also in denial. If he hasn't gone farther than what he's told you, then you need to "nip it in the bud" right now. You need to have open discussions. It's the only way it'll work. <P>Too bad, I can't head my own advice right now. I can't even look at him, let alone have a sane conversation with the man right now. I work from home, so he keeps coming up here. <P>I was all in for this believing him too, I mean what's the point in lying if you've fessed up to an affair, right? Wrong. Now I don't know what to believe. I don't believe the OW has any reason to lie, really. She has much more to lose than my H. She has four kids. <P>He says he's ready to kill her for what she's said. But everything just keeps coming up that it was him that's lied. I just don't know.<P>I wouldn't barrage your H with questions every minute of every day. I'm afraid that would push him right out the door. I would talk about your relationship and if he thinks there's "something missing". See what is really going on. Then go from there.<P>Hang in there, and I'm trying to do the same. <P>D

Welcome <B>cpickel</B>...<P>I have a general welcome post I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>Yes... there is just bit of confusion here at the forum... this is the first week in which we now have 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR>Staying in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum will give you the most responss! <P>A few quotes from the 'bible' of this forum (<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>An emotional affair can be just as much a threat to marriage as a sexual affair. (page 85 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wayward spouses do not necessarily have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. (page 40 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>As far as calling the OW...<BR>...it is normally suggested that you NOT do this. It is considered to be a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>... something that will damage your relationship with your H... and encourage the affair to move forward.<P>As far as "did...husband show any remorse"...<BR>You won't get this until you're past H's denial, separation, and then into recovery... It will most likely not happen quickly!<P>Do read, post and ask!<BR>It is the best way to learn! <P>Jim