Previous W had been visiting her sister-in-law house on the weekends were I assume and know "the guy", her brothers best friend often visits. Over the years this has been typical with several of her girl friends only to find out there has been someone in the shadows with indications of EA's.<P>It was New years Eve when my W gave more attention to the guy at the party. Everytime I entered the room where they were they moved to another place and on ocasions disapeared. They began to dance and when I showed up my W looked several times at me and spoke into the guys ear. I could only imagin she was saying "My husban is looking". I could tell the intence feelings she was giving him on the dance floor which broke my hart due to an intense guy feeling. Finaly, she looked several times at me then broke-off the dance while the guy tried to jerked her back into his arms. The break-off was a arm struggle then finaly the guy let go and my W sat down on the couch looking guilty, looking wide eyed at me, and with knees tightly together. Red flags were raised in my mind and I was furious for the guy man handling my W. Several naborhood couples cringed as I approced the dance floor to claim my wife. The guy came to me and told me he was sorry. I asked no further questions for I told my W the party was over at 5:30AM and wanted to leave due to my anger.<P>Three weeks later with some unresolved emotional issues I tried so hard not to LB but managed to get a intence negative reaction from my W to what she had done in front of me that evening....sticking a spear through my hart for I was lonely and wanted her attention. She mentioned she didn't realize my need. I thought and assume the guy had some stake in her due to the struggle on the dance floor but did not mention this. It had no meaning to her in terms of my emotions and after much emotional outbursts on her part she again threatened to leave me. Leave me for my feelings? Advoidance! How could this be and I assumed this to be a tactic to evade the moment of emotional need and assurance that she loved me. It was going good before this with closeness and much sex and I feel I LB'ed big time to get some things off my chest.<P>I tried to explain what a EA was.... She had several EA's in the past in which I could tell my relationship got worse over time. She just didn't understand that EA's were determental to a relationship. She only looked down at the floor and said "Why not". It appreard that W at the age of 48 was ignorant of the fact that EA's were harmfull and it also struck me that they were necessary for her to vent. I further explained the senerio with EA's and venting with girl friends how it only enabled her to become more distant and promote PA's. The major concern she had was that I would keep her from her freedom such as visiting her Grandmother in another state during her vacation and not allowing her to do things on her own around town. In 22 years I had NOT one concern or tried to talked her out of going anywhere. This was baggage from her pervious marrage during a 16 year old pregancy and forced marrage which ended after a year.<P>Now...Friday and she had to go to work. She mentioned that Friday at work was a bad day on top of "THIS". She also mentioned on her way out the door that it was OK because it was "The way you felt". She hugged me and headed off to work. So many mixed signals and feelings on her part from one contact to another.<P>Not so much as a SORRY or concern to the way I felt about New Year Eve night but just another round in W's life with H. I tried to express my feelings but LB'ed and I feel very bad for my mistake..... OR WAS IT???? The end of the conversation was I needed her that night and she ignored me to be with another.<P>For me...I got alot off my back but I feel I indeed have a major setback in our recovery. My relationship I believe was always one sided in terms of the commuications with W unable to express her feelings to me but with other people. But when I gave up trying to speak to her and just do my own thing for her there was no connection in our relationship. Everytime I tried to communicate my needs and explain my feelings I get LB'ed and walls were built on her part.<P>How do you read all of this and what can I do? Wedlock....I often wonder about the LOCK part of wedlock due to my intence gut feeling she has been unfaitfull.<P>What a rollercoaster of emotions this is. Sometimes I wonder it just living without an emotional connection has been better....But damn....It's been a long lonely 22 years with both good times and bad times.<BR> <P>

SteveO,<P>On your previous post, <B>peppermint</B> suggested counseling...<P>Ideally, if you can convince your W to go with you it would be best... but if not... think of going by yourself... <P>Improving communication skills is difficult... especially when one(your W) is not being cooperative. There could be a lot of reasons why she refuses(to talk)... but by <B>you</B> going (even without her), she'll realize that you are serious... and are willing to make changes. A very important step... of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>Ideas?<P>Jim