any insight would be appreciated...After the delivery of my fourth child, while getting ready to go on vacation , I receive an anonymous letter accusing my husband of having had several affairs behind my back. The letter was calmly denied but the letter has since led to the discovery of other behaviors ie(internet porn, videos, strip clubs). These were devestating to find out. We are both christians and my husband is relieved that the sexual issues that had him in bondage spiritually have been found out and we can now begin the healing process through Christ. My dilemma is the letter. I can't seem to let it go. He still insists it is not true. Help.<P>[This message has been edited by lookingtoheaven (edited February 16, 2000).]<P>[This message has been edited by lookingtoheaven (edited February 16, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by lookingtoheaven (edited February 16, 2000).]

Welcome <B>lookingtoheaven</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome post I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a short time ago the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR>Staying in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum will give you the most responses! <P>About your question...<BR>If you really believe your H did any of these things (including having an affair)... You should try and to forgive him <B>and</B> yourself. It will be hard...<BR>Check out===><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A>.<P>In your counseling... you should strive to make "honesty" one of the major points of emphasis... as a <B>skill</B> you and your H are to develope!... It follows in line with the Harley's <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>Four Rules for a Successful Marriage/Recovery</A> (page 87 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse. <BR></OL><P>Keep posting... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited February 10, 2000).]

Dear lookingtoheaven...<P>Hello, and unfortunately, or forunately depending on your insight, welcome. I too received an anonymous letter. Said it was from the H of the woman whom my H was having an affair with. He too, denied it at first, however after a couple of hours (thankfully not days, or months) he did admit to it. We have also come to find out that it was actually from the OW. She got a little "fatal attractionish" with my H.<P>While I know this isn't comforting news for you, it is to me to see that it just wasn't me who received an anonymous letter. <P>I agree with NSR. He is the guru here. He gives the best advice.<P>I've learned to forgive my H for his affair. I can't believe I just actually typed that, but I guess I am at least trying.<P>Read all you can about this site. It's a welcome to anyone who's going through or is thinking they are going through this horrible situation.<P>The letter may have been from someone who has an attraction to your H, who is trying to push you? I don't know. It sounds like you both have a very strong relationship and there is plenty to build from that. Your beliefs in your God and Christ and in your relationship will help you even further.<P>I know it's hard to let go of something as horrible as this. Believe me, I know from experience. Do all the reading you can with NSR's suggestions. <P>We are all here to help you and your relationship and we offer only support and kindness. I can never be thankful enough finding this site. <P>I'm sorry I don't have any answers for your heartache, but I'd like to give support and friendship anyway I can.<P>I hope others will have good advice from you. People here are knowledgable they will help.<P>purplemag