My wife and I have been together for 4 yrs. We have two wonderful kids. I am 22 and she is 20. Yes we statred off young. Our relationship had been great up until the time I cheated on her a couple of years ago, my consious made me tell her. I suspect she has probably been with someone too. Well my point is we had been getting along just fine up until a few months ago . She admitted to me she was not Happy. I couldn't see why, even though it was so clear that she had never truely forgiven me for wha i had done.Also within I had started to let her go out with out me. Since I felt so bad before it was me that used to go out without her. anyways I should have never done that . she later wanted to go out a lot and most of the time without me. . A couple of months ago she ditched a batchelorette party with her mom and went to the club were she met someone. I had confronted him and her and she said she was drunk and she had only given her pgr number out of spite. Well at that tiime we were living with her parents and she also said our relationship was not goin to get better while we were there. She said as soon as we moved it would be OK. We moved in a couple of weeks. Last wek she started telling me she was still un happy and we should se other people cause she did not want to make me unhappy. I responded calmly and we talked. But the next morn found a letter she had wrote , come to find out it was to the guy she had met not even two months ago. i was outraged and told her to choose and when she felt silent I made her call him to pick her up. . Well she is with him right now and she still calls me . Says it's just for the kids.When I ask her if that is what she really want she doesn't know and says she still loves me. I am going NUTZ here and don't know what to do..SHe is very set on her ways and she said she was going to choose me but I made her get out. SO she can't come back . PLEASE HELP!!!I don't know if we are kidding ourselves..Hs e had always told me I would hurt if the shoe was on the other foot . It Does very much. I have been faithful to my wife for a long time Now and I don't think I could ever cheat again. I have gone into depression and have started to seek help . She seems concerned but still says she can't come back. I feel she thinks she owes this guy something. She said they have not had sex. but I don't know if I should believe her. MY thoughts are so broken uip right now and I hope someone can make sense of my situation from this post.<P>JAC<p>[This message has been edited by jac (edited December 09, 1999).]

Well I don't know how much help I can be but i will try. The first thing is, as I'm sure the others will tell you is read as much as you can on this site. Dr. Harley's information is very good in helping better the situation. Next thing is to stop lovebusting. Don't yell at her or hurt her anymore, I know it's hard, but try. You need to become the caring, loving, respecting man that she fell in love with. If she sees this from you she will start to have more feelings for you again. You might think about asking her to come home, or at least let her know that that option is open to her. She will have to stop all interaction with the OM, and go through the withdrawl before you both can begin to repair your marriage. You know this because you've been there too. It is going to be a long, hard road, trust me I know and am still on it. But with time, patient, and love, it can have a happy ending

I know That I am not the loving man she fell in love with and I am going to look for help so I don't over react when something intense comes up. When she had told me she wasn't happy and wanted to see other people I didn't overreact I just told if that is her choice I just want to make her Happy. She continued to lie and said she had not seen anyone else . and then aI found the letter.. I just couldn't handle the betrayal I felt. But I know I have done that to her before and if we are meant to be togetther I should not push her farther away. I have a question?????<BR>some people have advised me to stop communicating with her , unbless we talk about the kids. Is that a good idea . I feel it will just make her think I don't care.. I have been trying for the ast couple of days to talk to her about what is going on and how I feel and as always she has nothing to say .. I know she is cofused and is hurt I made her go, but I wish she would realze I only did it out of anger.and really did NOT want her to go..