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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 24
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 24 |
Our minister is going to confront my wife with her having an affair. We are both staff members of our church and the OM's wife called the minister to tell him about the affair. My stomach is killing me. How should I react to all this?
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283 |
Is the affair over, or on-going? I assume you already knew about it? Or, is this how you found out?<BR>
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 297
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 297 |
I would suggest the minister tell her in private and for you to respect that privacy at this particular time. If she agrees to have you included in further discussions with the minister present, that would be her decision. I was devastated when I found out about my spouses affair and I reacted badly because I felt totally hopeless and that my life was out of control. I think that may have pushed him more to the OW. It's easy for someone to tell you to take it slow and be patient, but it's another thing when you have to. I would react with love and compassion if I was given the choice now.
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 24
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 24 |
Thanks for the replies. No, I've known about the affair for around 9 months but I haven't wanted to acknowledge it until recently. <P>Just to let you know, the minister did talk with my wife and her reaction is what I expected, total denial and that it was me trying to smother her and not let her have any friends. She did almost agree to go to counseling, but backed out with excuses of not trusting anyone. I am trying to be there for her and keep from lashing out or being pushy...She still says I talk too much.<P>Thanks again for the replies.
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 64
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 64 |
Ed,<P>I had to back off on giving my wife any advice especailly biblical (I am speaking from what I did... if your not doing this great)! She knows it is wrong and by telling her again and again you may drive her away. Just be there for her and use Plan A.<P>My wife told everyone it was my fault too until it was made clear that she was involved in an affair. <P>Does anyone have proof of the affair or is it only a very very good guess? If no proof get it. The lying has to stop for a recovery to occur PERIOD. I feel that the pastor has an obligation to confront sin especially in the church. <P>This puts you in a difficult and akward position in the church. I would consider taking a leave and strongly consider moving.<P>Prayers.<P>T2<P>
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 156
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 156 |
The thing I wonder from reading this is if the Minister actually *asked* if he should/could talk to the Wife?<P>I mean he may be a minister and all but it is not HIS marriage nor HIS place to interfer unless he was asked for...<P>I just "felt" from the original posting that "Our minister is going to confront my wife"...<P>Mmmm... "confront", "both", "members"... No wonder she feels she cannot trust everyone with words like that... who can she turn to without feeling like she is about to be burned at the stake?<BR>
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Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 24
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 24 |
Lostsoul...Your right, the minister sent me an e-mail after the fact that he was trying to not feel anger over the situation, yet I believe he is and that has really hurt our (my wife and me) relationship to him and the church. Please see under General Questions: Whirlwind to Tornado.<P>T2...thanks for your response here and under the General Questions<P><p>[This message has been edited by EdB (edited February 25, 2000).]
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 64
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Member
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 64 |
email if you want to talk triumph2@mail.com further.
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