This thread is to do with what most of us who are the victims of infidelity, who do not want the relationship to end and are trying very hard to do anything that adds to the hope that things will turn out ok and we can get back together, at worst like it used to be..at best much better than it used to be....<P>One question that arises at some time or another is...is there a chance for our relationship (W/H)...? ( the betrayed asking after discovery of infidelity)<P>One thing about the consciousness of our planet at this time in history is that its much higher now than at any other time in our history...that although there is no guarantee for the future...there is no history that we can call on with this present level of knowing and understanding to carry us into the future...so all ahead of us is new ground...!!! uncharted...!!!unconquered....so that means positive growth...! because we now move into it with a higher consciousness than ever before...<P>So the answer to those questions about relationships as to whether they can be mended, healed, reconciled, recovered, is yes! yes! yes!...it is very possible now more than ever...and even after a divorce has been finalised is still no guarantee that the relationship is over....not by a long shot...so no matter what your relationship feels like...looks like....dead in the woods.....there is always the chance it will recover....always..!!!!!<P>Next question is how do you best handle the roller coaster ride itself....<P>Whenever someone leaves us or turns their attention to someone else or to other things away from us, we feel there is something wrong with us or they would not do this...<BR>Women are more prone to feeling guilt than men are...<BR>When my W told her Mom we were separating.....her first comment was "Ohh God where did I go wrong"..??<P>If you have been betrayed....there are some things you can do to minimise your pain...and to shorten its power over you....it has to do with your thinking and your attitude...<P>1. Never blame yourself for whatever your partner has done...it is not your fault they committed adultery...!!! it is theirs...!!! they decided to do it...<P>2. Never take the responsibility for anyone elses actions.....no matter who or how many people say it was because you did or did not do whatever...!!! the decision to commit adultery always lies with the one who did it...!!!! they are totally responsible for that...<P>3. Know that pain and hurt are you best teachers....learn from them...do not wallow in self pity...but allow yourself to grieve...let the tears flow...allow the pain to rise from your heart...and let it go...do not stay in grief....get on with your life...and allow yourself relief...<P>4. Busy yourself with physical things...its very healing...work in the garden...do vigorous sport or work if you can...walking running climbing swimming....tire yourself physically without being silly about it...it allows you to relax and sleep better, and allows healing to take place...<P>5. Keep your mind occupied...busy it with things that are consuming...and interesting if you can...dont mull over what has happened....dont mope around and think your life is not worth anything...<P>6. Dont allow yourself too much time doing nothing unless you are specifically doing it for a reason....like meditation...peace instilling....or aligning energies and charkras etc....or inner self work on the positive...building self appreciation...self acceptance.....self blessing...affirmations...prayer...spirit/God contact...etc...<P>7. When pain and hurt visit you allow them their space to express themselves....its ok to hurt...and its ok to stop hurting...dont stay in it..always give pain some time then stop it...you have the power... you are the boss, not your emotions...dont allow anyone or anything to dictate to you how you are going to feel or live your life...take your power back from whatever and whoever you gave it to...!!!and that includes your emotions and your mind...!!!!<P>8. Work constantly on your self esteem...there is nothing wrong with you...count your blessings...and know that this experience is a choice you invited into your life for you to learn from to grow stronger from...to understand yourself better...this is all about you...and by doing so will understand others better too....a good professional counsellor will always benefit you in many ways....<P>9. Always know that there are many positive forces working around you and for you that you cannot see and can sometimes only feel faintly...you are always loved dearly even if you cannot identify the source...<P>10. Know you are always bigger than any problem you face...you are never given anything you cannot handle...and you always have a right to be here...the space you accupy on this planet is yours...own it..know it...you are a special human being just who you are....the work you do on yourself and the growth you acheive affects all and everything around you....that is how consciousness grows ....that is why there is a higher consciousness on this planet than ever before......<P> Many Blessings<P>cossie<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<p>[This message has been edited by cossie (edited March 02, 2000).]

Hi Cossie,<P>Thanks for this post. I really needed to read these words today!<P>Peppermint

Gosh Peppermint,<BR>Sorry I did not answer your reply to this...I dont get as much time to check in here as I would like to.I am really glad these posts can help you....<P>It is a long time since I was in recovery and it was always a comfort to be able to read something that helped or talked to someone who said something that made a difference....I remember a comment made a by someone when I was down and feeling so sorry for myself....he was talking to someone else and I was not in the conversation and I over heard him say...."you know you just cannot keep a good man down"....and those simple words had such an effect on me and I remember them and the guy who said them clearly now as I did then....it changed my life and my attitude to myself...I regarded myself as a good man from that time on and became successful in many things... <P>Just thought I would share that...<P>Take care...<P>cossie