<BR>This one is for the betrayers in pain and confusion etc....only with self discovery will your motivations become clear to you...and give you direction and positive knowledge of where you are going and why...<P>1. You are not a bad person for doing what you have done...your actions have caused upset and pain for those around you...see it...imagine how it would be for you if the tables were turned....this is your greatest opportunity for inner growth and inner peace and learning...to give you direction and positive understanding...that leads on to remorse, forgiveness, love, inner and outer peace, care and honour....<P>2. Let go of blame of others or yourself and dont waste time with self chastisement...they prevent you from looking at the real issues under all that appears on top...<P>3. Examine the deeper reasons for your actions..its never what it appears to be ...look deeper its all there surrounded by walls of hurt and pain...take the courage to look....the rewards are worth the effort....<P>4. Be wary of what appears to be paradise it never is what it seems....responsibility always cuts away the baubles of fantasy and the flashiness of excitement that has no lasting base....learn from the experience and allow yourself to mature and grow...experience is the mother of wisdom....what is not learned will be experienced again and again until learning is gained....<P>5. Learn to deal with your reactions to situations you find yourself in....always looking below what is on top...<P>6. Never be afraid of help...look for it...its revealing as others can always see you better than you can see yourself....you will heal faster with less trauma...<P>7. Seek good professional help,, they are usually unbiased and can look at your situation without being emotionally involved and are skilled enough to be able to guide you thru your quagmire of jumbled thoughts feelings and actions....to straighten your thinking and functionality........<P>8. Never wallow in self effacing or bad mouthing yourself....you are no better or worse than anyone else on this planet...and mistakes are only a perception based on what we think it or should and of how things should be.... not how things really are...<P>9. Your journey thru life is unique to you, and you are totally responsible for it...how the world is affected by the choices you make will determine its reaction to you...<P>10. How you think you are is how the world will think you are also the sign on your forehead advertising this fact is not as transparent as you may think....love yourself and the world will love you also...respect yourself and it will respect you also...honour yourself and it will honour you....as you sow ..so shall you reap...for every reaction there is an opposite and equal reaction....<P>Work on your self esteem it will do wonders for you and those around you...love yourself you are worth loving....<P>Many Blessings<P>cossie...<P><P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....

Thanks cossie...and thank you Peppermint for passing it on to me. I kick myself everyday for the mess that I have made of our lives. I hope I can get pass the hate that I have for myself and move on to make things better.<P>fs

Firestorm,<P>Thank you for your response, I do know how you feel....it is difficult to forgive onseself when one comes to their senses after infidelity....<P>Perhaps I can give you something here that may help you to move forward to the place where you can rebuild your life looking forward to the future, rather than constantly looking back and chastising yourself for the past...<P> Write some sorry letters....one each to every person you think was hurt by your actions....write it out in long hand, about how you feel about hurting them....pour out your soul..dont type this....write it by your hand...and allow whatever emotions come up, to come up, there is no need to go into hysterics, just allow them to surface and acknowledge them, allow them expression and thank them, then continue to write.....<P>BUT DONT post these letters....!!!! destroy them after you feel they have done their job for you... <BR>this is for your benefit not for others at this time...this is about self forgiveness....this is to forgive yourself so that you can move on with your life....this is so you can let go of your guilt and remorse...writing it out to free yourself of your past....not to forget your past, just to free you of the degrading and esteem destroying negative attitudes that we can sometimes wallow in....<P>(If you feel you need to write to the others so they can see how remorseful you are, then only do it well after ((maybe weeks)) you have done this exercise and forgiven yourself, you will probably find you wont feel the need to do this, however we are all different, so what is right for you , is) <P>Just see that you are only human too...see how you were swayed by your emotions and driven by your inner neediness....dont blame yourself or anyone else for this neediness....your inner neediness is your own inner prompting to look at your unworthiness and why, then to release it and accept yourself as a worthy human being....your inner pain and hurt was most probably borne from long ago experience as a child...nothing to do with any of your relationships to date....so look deep within...seek professional help to uncover these inner motivations....they are worth the effort....it is where your lost strength resides....it is where your inner beauty resides....it is where your attractiveness resides....it is the person you are...<P>When you have done this exercise and have come to feel peaceful...then hug yourself gently...and say sorry to you...take your time over this.....and allow yourself to be a human being not a human doing...tell yourself its ok to make mistakes...and its ok to feel bad about them, and now its ok to let them go....its ok to learn from them and not allow them to rule your future life.....its ok to feel good about yourself.....its ok to walk tall....its ok to know you are ok....its ok to get on with your life....its ok not to feel guilty anymore....it doesnt mean that you dont care...it means that you have learned some valuable lessons and am now ready to rebuild your marriage/relationship/life and get on with it....<P>You dont have to make yourself pay continuously for past indiscretions...its time to let it go.....and to know you are ok....you will have changed...you are a different person now...a more wise person...a more experienced person...a stronger person....a more caring person...a more loving person....<P>Count your blessings everyday....its a habit that pays you well with inner joy...inner peace....inner love....and a care for others that will pour from you and others will notice and cannot help but feel uplifted by it....and in this way you help others without even realising you are....this is what love is....it starts with you loving you.....<P>Many Blessings...<P>cossie<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....