<BR>I was the wayward spose. My H. gave me Dr.Harley's book after learning of the affair, and I read it and found it to make a lot of sense. Before he learned of the afffair, though, I had separated myself from both of them. Now I want to reconcile with my H. and, although at first he was totally committed to making it work, he recently told me he thinks he wants a divorce. We haven't even really tried, and I think we have a lot going for us. I think we are both in withdrawl (I told the OM about a week ago that it is over, and I have withdrawn so many love units from my H's love banks that it is natural that he would be in withdrawl) but I don't want a divorce! Does following the book REALLY WORK? I am trying to get him to read it ASAP. We are in differrent states. I want us to be together, but he isn't sure.He would like a guarentee that this will really work and that I won't hurt him again. I feel really positive for the first time in a long time, but I admit that the impetus was hearing him say he wanted a divorce. (That and reading some of the books by Dr.Harely). <P>------------------<BR>Ina<BR>

Yes! The Harley's plan will work. It is great that you are returning to your spouse. You must reassure, reassure, reassure your spouse that you have had no contact whatsoever with OP. Each time, every time you speak with him early on in the converstion Tell him there has not been any contact, will not be, the only person you want to contact is HIM. Every, Every conversation, even if it was just 2 mintues since you last spoke. Keep him totally informed of your whereabouts, HARD phone numbers where you can be reached. Return all messages asap, every single time.<P>Get the workbook. Photocopy the needs questionnaire. Tell H you want to know what his needs are. You should definitley call the telephone counseling center from the home page. They are so very intelligent! And very quick, quick to grasp the situation and make a plan. It is only $85 (less than in person) and very well worth it. Call today.<P>About living in separte states. That has to change if you want to be married. Think about the impact it will have on your spouse when you tell him you are moving back to his city, neighborhood. Physical distance plays a BIG part. I am afraid that your H could draw closer to someone else, just when you have Finally seen the light. You must work your tail off right now, but your marriage will be SO much stronger! DO all you can, even if it means a job change. Your marriage and family come first. Everyelse will come right after you get your family situation back to where it needs to be. <P>Call the Harley's. You can speak with either Dr. Steve Harley or Dr. Jennifer Harley. They are the ones to advise you. People here can give you encouragement. Be proud of yourself for seeking out help. Tell your H you admire him for sticking it out with you. You ADMIRE him very much. God's Blessings to you and your family. Call the Harley's. Take care.<BR>Victoria

How are you doing? I hope things are looking up for you. Keep posting - it is so nice to see a wayward spouse trying to return! You would make many people happy here. Why don't you go the the General Questions section and post a new topic. In the subject, say Wayward w trying to return. You will get loads of reponse! Victoria

Thank you to Victoria for responding and for some ideas. I have contacted the counseling line, and my H. has an appt. too. I know we need to be living in the same state, but I don't want to quit my job here.My H. has said he does't want to stay at his job, but he isn't ready to make things work between us, so he won't move...yet. I will start telling him I have not had any contact with the other man. I have not, but it is getting frustrating. I really think things can work between me and my Husband, but if he is unwilling....I know I need to be patient, but I am lonely and I know the OM is llonely, too, and that he would be eager to....bbe with me, and I sortof think that things could work out with him, also,.....BUT I am trying to be strong and wait for my H. to talk with Jennifer and hopefully he will want to move here and we can start working on it. I would love to hear from people who have succeedded. <P>------------------<BR>Ina<BR>

Thank you to Victoria for responding and for some ideas. I have contacted the counseling line, and my H. has an appt. too. I know we need to be living in the same state, but I don't want to quit my job here.My H. has said he does't want to stay at his job, but he isn't ready to make things work between us, so he won't move...yet. I will start telling him I have not had any contact with the other man. I have not, but it is getting frustrating. I really think things can work between me and my Husband, but if he is unwilling....I know I need to be patient, but I am lonely and I know the OM is llonely, too, and that he would be eager to....bbe with me, and I sortof think that things could work out with him, also,.....BUT I am trying to be strong and wait for my H. to talk with Jennifer and hopefully he will want to move here and we can start working on it. I would love to hear from people who have succeedded. <P>------------------<BR>Ina<BR>