Ifm a new member, so please forgive me for not knowing what to do or venting. I don't know under what heading I'm supposed to put this under so I'm going to put it under General, Just found out, and Recovering. <P>The Story: <BR>September 04, 99cI found out that my W had an affair with her co-worker(s), two Dr.fs in her dept. One that night and a different dr. three months earlier. <BR>Yet another guy three months later while we were separated<BR>(this I just found out, thatfs why Ifm here begging for helpcnow) <P>Ifll never forget the day I found out (9/4) as long as I live. I call it D-day. I was working the night before and hadnft gotten a call from my W like usual. So I called home, no one answered all night. All I knew was that she was taking our 3 y.o. child to the park when I left for work that day. Little did I know that she was taking my child to her loverfs home. <P>This affair was going on behind my back for about a month. My W is making it sound like I should feel grateful that she only had intercourse twice that nightconly? WHAT? <P>The OM emails me a 6-page report in detail on how the affair aspired and the going ONfs that night, physically. I confronted this guy at his home that day. All I could think about was killing this unethical dr., but I didnft I didnft even lay a hand on him. I didnft want to loose my son over this @!#$ole. He knew my W was married and had a 3 y.o. child yet they had sexual contact in front of him. <P>The Result:<BR>My W and I have separated for about four months because I had physically assaulted her after this incident. I donft make any excuses for this; I live in regret everyday knowing that I had physically hurt someone I adored. I have never in my life hit anyone, not even another man. That month I dropped 50lbs; was taken to the ER because I collapsed out of dehydration; was admitted to the hospital under a psyche-hold. Was forced to quit Med.-school. I had a nervous break down. <P>Ifm from Japan, so you can imagine the dishonor, humiliation, and familtorial pressures.<BR>Ifm not saying Asians donft have these problems, Ifm just saying in my family itfs unheard of. Youfre typical samurai death before dishonor mentality. <P>Now: <BR>After 50 hours of expensive counseling, session after session of hypnotherapy, a new religion, meditation, acupuncture, herbal medication, Zoloft and other psychosomatic drugs, selling everything I own and moving to a new area, using up all my savings, loosing old friends and not making new ones, spending more than $15k to find her and going there to ask her back (from her hiding in a foreign country other than my own)<P>My W is now back with my son and me.<P>The Problem:<BR>Itfs only been a month since my W came back and already I see problems.<BR>I canft seem to forget. I just keep bringing up the past constantly. Probing, asking all kinds of questions. Ifm still mad as hell for the betrayal, the loss of innocence in our relationship. <P>Even she would tell you, we had the best possible relationship anyone could ask for. We were best of friends first, we had open lines of communication, and we could talk about any thing. We always did things together. So when I ask whycshe doesnft know. She thinks itfs because she didnft feel pretty enough, she was a model for godfs sakecshefs beautiful. I donft get it!!<BR>She even went as far as telling the OM she was planning to leave me and wanted his baby, wanted to marry him, that she loved him. Yet shefs adamant about that she was lying to him. She doesnft to this day know why she said all those things, is she lying? Ifm just in utter shock. I donft know what to make of all this. And I just found out while she was in hiding she had yet another guy, she says she did that to find out about herself. To prove to herself if she is really that awful or just how bad she really is. I donft get it?<P>The Questions:<BR>My wife has given me cart blanch to whom ever & how many I choose to have an affair with.<BR>Will this let my feelings recover?<BR>Will this stop the anger?<BR>Will getting even make everything ok?<BR>If someone has this experience please let me know.<BR>What should I do?<BR>
