Hi gang! This is my first time here. My husband of 13 years also had an affair recently, and I'm trying to decide whether I want to stay with him or divorce him and move on with my life in a different direction.<P>This started last October. He told me he had found a 31 year old at work that he wanted to be married to instead of me. (I'm 44 & he's 45)<P>We don't have any children, I can't have any. He never wanted kids before, but suddenly last spring he felt like he was missing out on something by not having them. He said the reason he wanted her was that he could have kids with her.<P>He hadn't had sex with her yet at that point, said he was trying to be honorable.<P>I moved out.<P>Two days after I left he called and said that he had been with her, started having sex, realized that he was making a horrible mistake, didn't love her, did love me. <P>I took him back.<P>Then the first week of January he told me that after we got back together he went to her place and had sex several times, but he regreted it now, and wanted us to stay together.<P>He has been treating me wonderfully since then, going out of his way to be nice and understanding (moreso than he ever was before).<P>The only thing is that I am bouncing so badly emotionally that I don't know if I want to be with him any more. (Am I becoming schizophrenic from this? Is that possible?)<P>When I am with him I enjoy his company and think that I want to stay with him, but when I am away from him and think of his betrayal after we reconciled, I just want him out of my life. Don't know what to do.<P><BR>

Welcome <B>jcp</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>Ok... some specifics...<P>You sound like your both in a state of turmoil...<BR>...whether you think you need it or not... in the near future it will be a necessity... get yourself (both) into counseling...<P>Most everyone on this forum believes in the Marriage Builders concepts... and after going through the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A> post... ask yourself if these concepts makes sense to you...<P>Discuss it with your H....<BR>See if you can start recovery by employing the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>... and serious... I do mean seriously consider... a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> ($85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A>. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>!<P>It is hard to find decent counseling at affordable rates... most everyone is very satified with what the Harley's have done!<P>Jim