My H and I have been married 14 years and have been pretty compatable. Early in our marriage we tried some open marriage sex - mainly swinging, which I did to satisfy his need. Since then we have had 2 beautiful children and I quit my career to care for them (we also stopped swinging). It's been a totally different world for me since. For 4 years I was sleep deprived. Now that they are older, I get my sleep, but I am still exhausted by the time my H gets home. Needless to say our sex life has suffered immensely. I have always let him have a "weekend off" every once in awhile just to get away from the stress in his life. Sometimes he gets lucky, other times he doesn't. These times have been very few. Needless to say, I have always stayed home with the kids. Lately, in the last year though, he has spent more time on the internet, talking with other women. At first I didn't think it was a big deal - it was just talk, until he started meeting some of them. His drinking has gotten heavier. He can polish off 1.75 liters of rum in 3 days. Our relationship came to a head last week and we finally started discussing these issues. He says he drinks so he can go to sleep at night because I won't have sex with him (I seem to have a low sexual desire). He is obsessed about any kind of sexual adventure now. We have done a lot of adventures together(hiking, camping, sailing, exploring, etc.) but now he wants to go sexual exploring. He wants 2 women, one of them preferrably to be myself. I'm not into that. Since the kids have been born, I have become active in my religion, which was something I didn't practice when we got married. I want to raise them right and want our lives together to be the Christian way. Right now, he is being the heathen and I don't know how to fix it. I know the drinking isn't helping, and he seems to have gone off the deep end since his father died 2 years ago. How can I steer him back onto the right path?

Welcome <B>toots_007</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>About your post specifically...<BR>Your H sounds like he has entered, over time, the world of many addictions...<BR>Drinking (alcohol)... and sex...<P>The best avenue here would be for him to first recognize there is an addiction problem... (in both areas) and then to seek counseling. Christian counseling could be a good start... but that is not always a guarentee! There is a good article on the MB Q&A area that talks about what to look for in a good counselor! See ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7100_counselor.html" TARGET=_blank>"How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor"</A>.<P>Check out ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5048a_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>What to Do with an Alcoholic Spouse</A>...<P>Also check out ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5039_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>"You Believe What?" How to Resolve Conflicts of Faith (Part 1)</A>...and...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5040_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>"You Believe What?" How to Resolve Conflicts of Faith (Part 2)</A>.<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

Thank you so much for your reply. I will check out the areas you described. I realize now that it is an addiction I am dealing with (well, a number of addictions, that is), and will try to get a handle on this. My Priest wants to speak to my H, but I don't think that is a good idea right now. Hopefully down the road that will happen. Thanks again for your advice.