Hello,<P>I am new to this board but have been reading for a while. I found this site because I suspect that my wife is having an affair. I have found a few somewhat revealing items of correspondence, but I am aching to know the truth. When confronted, she denies anything other than friendship with this fellow. They know each other because of work and I am certain they secretly correspond through e-mails. My wife brings her laptop home to do work in the evenings and weekends but her AOL sign-on and mail folders are password-protected. She claims that it is for business security and that there is nothing there that would be of any interest to me anyway. But I am frantic to find out the depth of the suspected relationship. Does anyone know how I can get past the password problem to look at the e-mails? I made a couple of calls to private investigators, but they won't help me because of invasion of privacy laws. I just want a computer expert to tell me how to read those file cabinet folders without having the password and without my wife knowing. Once I have proof I want to bring this out in the open and put an end to the misery I am experiencing by not knowing what is going on. I can't afford to have a surveillance watch put on her. This may not do any good anyway because she may only be at the emotional affair stage. Maybe I can stop this before it gets sexual. Please Help! If there is someone who can help but doesn't wish to post it here you can e-mail it to me at JamesOutWest@hotmail.com<P>James<p>[This message has been edited by Hurting_James (edited March 29, 2000).]

James<P>Is this a secure address that no one else can read? (JamesOutWest@hotmail.com}<P>J W<p>[This message has been edited by J Willy (edited March 30, 2000).]

Try this link to a previous subject here:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000480.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000480.html</A> <P>Good luck.

J Willy,<P>Yes this is a very secure site. Only I know it exists. Thanks to both of you for your help. I will only use it to save my marriage, not to hurt anyone. <P>James

James<P>Check your email!!<P>J W

Dear James, I just found this site and my H is having an emotional affair with a "BestFriend" for a few years. EA (Emotional Affair) is not "just" emotional. The emotions are essential to the connection and suspecting that your spouse is more connected to another than they are to you rips your heart out. Good luck etting into the e-mail. I found a 6 page handwritten letter almost 3 years ago from H to BestFriend, and realized that for over 2 years previously every time he isolated himself from our family and sat and wrote on his pad it was long letters to her. He said the letters were innocent, but in all those years had never offered to let me read them, though he has shared good writing with me before because he knows I enjoy his talent. That was a major incident, after some other minor ones, and though I doubt this has become sexual, he refuses to give her up. He takes her out to dinner for her birthday, they talk on the cell phone nearly every day for hours, etc. James, coem to this site for support. We are in counseling and trying to rebuild marriage which is in toilet. I come her to blow off steam to keep from verbally attacking him. Emotional infidelity is at the core of our problems in this marriage, and as you can tell, in others posted here. Take care of yourself and get Divorce Busting tips. Venus

James,<BR> I, on the other hand, was the betrayer. At this point in time I have come to see where I screwed up in life, throwing away my family for the sake "of a good time with something strange".<P>Being in the business which I conduct surveillance for a living, I must admit, yes, that it is costly. They charge by the hour. Have your phone carrier send you the last six months worth of billing statements. Check the numbers. Try and see a pattern. Reset the mileage on the car and see how it comes back at the end of the day. 20 miles back and forth to the office but there is 60 miles with no explanation ? With another vehicle that she doesn't know, conduct your own surveillance. You above anyone should know her habits, her schedule and so on. And BTW, there is nothing better than a photo ! You just can't deny what's in the picture ! Take a good camera with film that supports the lighting conditions.<P>I'm not trying to stir up trouble here, but these are some things that you can start with and see what direction you might be headed in! Good Luck and keep us informed !

I know how that feels!<p>[This message has been edited by dontxz16 (edited April 18, 2000).]

Here's something for you to think about:<P>You are suspicious of your wife's e-mail with a friend and you don't like that you don't have access - so why do you have an e-mail she doesn't know about?<P>I found out my H was secretly e-mailing with a woman he said he was just friends with from work. Turned out her sister worked with him and the OW lived about 1 1/2 hours away and she didn't know about me. To make a long story longer he denied the whole thing until I had copies of the e-mails in hand.<P>I'm torn between your secrecy, but I know how my H was. Whenever I confront him on something he'll lie about it until I have hard copy truths.<P>Try having a heart to heart with her and tell her your suspicions in a nonthreatening manner. Also, tell her that no matter what she says you're not going to leave her (if that's true). Tell her how much it hurts for you to be suspicious and if she shares her e-mail and there's nothing there then you'll feel so much better.<P>My H thought I was having an EA with a male friend I had for about 10 years and long before I met my H (knew him before my ex-H even). Anyway, I was very defensive about sharing my e-mail because I thought he should just trust me. There wasn't anything going on and I now see how very wrong I was in how I dealt with the whole situation. I was always trying to prove my innocense when I should have tried everything possible to make my life an open book. I ended the friendship last April because my H meant so much more to me than the friendship, but I don't think my H believes me that I ended it. If I could go back and handle everything differently I would. I believe my H had the EA/PA he did because he believed in his heart and mind that that's what I was doing.<P>Try being completely honest with her before going to the hassle of snooping. Tell her that if she doesn't put your mind at ease with complete honesty that you'll have to find answers other ways.<P>Confront this OP if need be. I finally confronted the OW and was I ever shocked and so was she. She only knew of me as his ex-girlfriend.<P>I hate these free internet e-mails. My H thinks that I have one, but I don't and there's no way to prove that to him. I finally realized he had one and I'm quite sure he has another. I found that he also had other instant message screen names, too.<P>I hope you were able to follow this and take something from my experience. <P>Good luck and God Bless!<BR><><

No secrets.<P>You share genitals, you should share e-mail.<P>You've made it clear that you have suspicions. As a spouse, you deserve to have those ideas disproved or vindicated.<P>Accept no excuses. Sit down together, have your spouse log on, and start reading.<P>Anything that keeps you from doing that simply means guilty guilty guilty.<P>Privacy my butt! You have private pain and your spouse refuses to do the one thing that will end it.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hurting_James:<BR><B>Hello Hurting_James:<P>I was in the same situation, where I wanted to get at email my wife had on her AOL account. Only, she told me she was having an "emotional" relationship with my best friend. Turns out she propositioned him. So I read her email and thought that seeing what was in the email would make me feel vindicated. Well it didn't and just makes matters worse. <P>I had to tell her that I read her email and that violated the trust she had in me. I think that this only leads down a very dark tunnel. I would recommend that you not read her email.<P>I am new to this board but have been reading for a while. I found this site because I suspect that my wife is having an affair. I have found a few somewhat revealing items of correspondence, but I am aching to know the truth. When confronted, she denies anything other than friendship with this fellow. They know each other because of work and I am certain they secretly correspond through e-mails. My wife brings her laptop home to do work in the evenings and weekends but her AOL sign-on and mail folders are password-protected. She claims that it is for business security and that there is nothing there that would be of any interest to me anyway. But I am frantic to find out the depth of the suspected relationship. Does anyone know how I can get past the password problem to look at the e-mails? I made a couple of calls to private investigators, but they won't help me because of invasion of privacy laws. I just want a computer expert to tell me how to read those file cabinet folders without having the password and without my wife knowing. Once I have proof I want to bring this out in the open and put an end to the misery I am experiencing by not knowing what is going on. I can't afford to have a surveillance watch put on her. This may not do any good anyway because she may only be at the emotional affair stage. Maybe I can stop this before it gets sexual. Please Help! If there is someone who can help but doesn't wish to post it here you can e-mail it to me at JamesOutWest@hotmail.com<P>James<P>[This message has been edited by Hurting_James (edited March 29, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>