At times it feels like plan a is working good! But my question is I've been noticing that I seem happiest when I'm not caring how it will work out. Don't get me wrong I care and I'm doing the little things letting her know. But what I mean is I'm doing things to insure that I will be happy no matter what. What is behind me can't hurt me so I don't think about it (I should say try). And I'm trying not to worry about the future, just taking care of today. <P>Is that denyal?? <P>It seems to be working. Plus W is still having trouble meet the need of being needed. And not much physical stuff nether like touch, kissing holding my hand or just that pat on the arm when she walks by. <P>How does one keep their self from being vulnerable to an affair when you want to be held so bad?? <P>There is no one right now but I do need to be held and my wife can't do that yet! <BR>Funny thing in a way---no thought that my wife would ever cheat as a matter of fact my own mother 1st thought that I was the one who cheated because my wife was away on business travel to much an she notice that I seemed lonely. I guess my wife was lonely too.

Don't know your story, but it doesn't sound like denial.<P>In fact, it is exactly what we are all trying to do. Hope for a great future, and make the best of today.

Depending on what you're doing, I wouldn't say denial. I have embarked on a journey to not only try to resurrect my marriage (wife had an EA) but also improve myself. I have begun to exercise, lose weight, spend more fun time with my children, see my friends more often, etc. I too long to be held by someone loving and caring and it's hard to deal with the pain knowing my wife won't do it. Instead I focus on building a stronger, happier me. That way, whether my wife and I split up or get back together, I will be a much better and stronger person for it. I say continue focusing on the things that make you feel good but try to fight any urge to have an affair yourself. If you truly want to reconcile, you must stay true. If you have one, you'll likely make yourself feel even worse and complicate your situation even further.

BL,<P>It sounds to me like you have hit Plan A right on. Plan A, to me, is more about you than it is about your spouse. It is becoming the best you possible. Think of Plan A being Plan BL. You are improving yourself so you can be a better spouse to your mate but also so you will be a better person overall. That way if Plan A doesn't "work" you can still reap the benefits of it in the end. You will be a better, stronger and more capable person.<BR>Good luck to you in Plan BL.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole