Last night, we met at a place in the middle that neither of us were familiar with. I had wanted to know all the details, the when, where, how- everything, and he told me. I had to know so that I could put the affiar to rest in my mind. I know that he will think about her and the what if's he could have had, in fact, he told me that he couldn't help to wonder if her marriage was working out. He doesn't trust himself, which is understandable- but for some reason, I think we can get through this. I have this feeling that he wants to talk to her though, but I told him he had to choose which relationship he wanted to work on, and he said ours. I know that he is in as much pain as I am, and I know that he is grieving too, but for different reasons. I just want him to love me. I want hime to take me in his arms, hold me, and let me feel safe. We feel so uneasy right now around each other, and I am not really sure what he wants. He never thought that we would be in this situation. I think he is afraid of having a failed marriage and what it would do to him, but on the other hand, I do truely believe that he wants to make this work. I have been able to take time off and really find out who I am, read, journal, and find what I want out of this relationship. I can't see life without him...I can see us traveling together, teaching our future kids to play ball, him walking our future daughter down the isle, and us growing old together. I see this as a stumbling stone now, he still sees this as a boulder. I also don't want to seem so clingy with him, but I want to appreciate what we do have. I want him to look at me the way he did, instead of the way he does now, with guilt in his eyes. I also want to do something that I know I shouldn't, I want to contact the other woman's husband and see how he is doing and if there marriage is working out. Should I? Any replys, words of hope, or honesty would be helpful. Please help me.
