I just found out a couple of days ago that my wife of 3.5 years started to have an affair with a classmate. I found this out after she left me because she said she didn't think she was in love with me any more. We talked about a temporary separation so she could have some time alone to think things trough. The reasons she gave me for feeling this way were the fact that I had done a complete change since we got married. I was raised in church all my life and knew right from wrong. I never lived on my own before the marriage so when we got married it was alright at first. I then saw this whole other world that I had never been exposed to. I quit my current job without telling my wife for three days and started bartending. I then fell into that lifestyle. I started smoking, drinking, cursing, staying out till three-four o'clock, going to clubs, the exact lifestyle that I condemed. In return this put a heavy strain on our marriage in every way. She was in school for her B.S. and working full time. I had to pick up a second part-time job to make ends meet. I became blind to what it was doing to her and I knew from my raising that what I was doing was wrong. This is all taking place about 1.5 years ago. Since then I got out of that lifestyle but I still smoked and drank untill a month ago. I have since turned my life back over to God and have made the needed changes in my life. But I fear that it might be too late for my wife to accept the way I have changed for the better. I found out about the other guy by going through her e-mail. I found some very unsettling correspondence. I printed them out and confronted her with it. She admitted to flirting and kissing but that is as far as she let it go because she knew it wasn't right. She said that she found in him everything that I used to be. She has now come back home and agreed to counceling. I know that I took her for granted and ignored her to a point, but I just don't think that I did enough to drive her to this. I have already forgiven her(only with the help of the Lord), and she knows I love her and that I want to give her the life she has always dreamed of. Can anyone help?????

Welcome <B>Fulgore</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>A while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums... and a new one added...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=34&SUBMIT=Go" TARGET=_blank>Divorcing/Divorced</A>...when efforts at reconciliation fail or are failing.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>Do read every from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post!<P>Do get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>!!!<P>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... immediately!!<P>Come here for the support you won't find anywhere... <B>you are not alone</B>!<P> <P>Jim

You know, I honestly believe that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. I was in church this Sunday and my husband was griping my hand like you wouldn't believe- he was being called to give up his affair and surrender it all, but for some reason, he couldn't. It wasn't the right time for him. <P>I forget that we have to be patient and let time take its course. We can't rush things, it has to be God's will, not our own. And maybe his will is that you and your wife will get back together, but take time. Enjoy the time that you have together and focus on the new relationship that you have before you. A marriage can work, if you both want it to.<P>Plus, this other guy, it wasn't a subsitute for you, it was a subsitute for her own self. It was something that she didn't have inside her that she was missing- her spirit. You know, I sat in chuch and thought, I am sure there were little signs, signs that we should have picked up on sooner, but it took this to make us realize that we both had to invite God back into our lives and our marriage for this relationship to work. I have to come to that realization, my husband hasn't yet. You have come to that relization, your wife hasn't yet.<P>Remember to count your blessings and to ask why not only about the unfortunate things that happen, bu also to the good.<P>Lucia