Greetings, <BR>I am a 31 year old male. I have two wonderful boys ages 7 and 10. I would have been married 11 years this May 7th 2000. My wife has left me. She left me with our two children and a broken heart. Allow me to explain. <P>My wife left me for a man she met on the Internet. She met this man about 3 years ago and started chatting with him on and off. Now I trusted my wife 100%, she went out with her friends every Friday night, she had total freedom and my complete trust and faith. Well to make a long story short, she left me for him. On the 19th of April 2000 she packed up her things and moved in with him. He is also married with two children and left his wife to be with my wife. Never, and I mean NEVER did I suspect her, our marriage never suffered one bit as far as I knew. Our sex life was still great after almost 11 years, we did many things together (went out together as much as we could with two young children). Not once did she ever show any signs of being unhappy, never once did she show any signs of her cheating on me. I was at a complete loss when she told me she was leaving. (We just made love on the Sunday prior to her leaving) I never knew. Now I am alone with my two boys, they are heart broken as I am. What do I do? <P>I have talked to her since she left. She says she was not in love with me anymore, she said she loved me but was not in love with me. Big enough difference I guess to leave me. I am so confused, she has asked me to wait for her and she is not filing for a divorce. I do not know what to do, I love my wife more than anything, I do not understand this at all. <P>I am so hurt and angry, so confused and so betrayed, but I still love my wife. I just do not know how someone that seemed so happy (I mean she never ever let on that she was not happy, not for one second) so full of love (she would leave me little love notes all over the house) could just up and leave me, her kids, EVERYTHING! I just do not understand this one bit! <BR><P>------------------<BR>Keith <aka Bupahs>

Keith:<P>You've come to the right place.<P>I'm sorry to hear what's happened. I know you are having a hard time just dealing with your own pain, let alone trying to raise two children at the same time.<P>What do you do? First, take a deep breath and realize that it's okay to be sad and hurt and angry. All the books compare what you're going through to an emotional roller coaster. You'll realize how right they are! But remember, you will get through this.<P>The first thing you need to do is read a lot. Read the information on this site; buy the books; go to the library or search on the internet for more books (I'd suggest "After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust After a Partner has been Unfaithful).<P>After you've read for a good long while, come up with a plan. You'll hear a lot about Plan A and Plan B on this site. Right now, you're in Plan A, whether you know it or not. You need to decide what is best for you.<P>It's hard to understand how a good person can do something so wrong, but right now your wife is living a fantasy. The pull of this fantasy is strong; it is an addiction as surely as a an addiction to drugs or alcohol is. One day she will realize that the fantasy is not as grand as it seems to her at this moment. That's the good news. The bad news is that it may take a long time and you may decide that you don't want to wait. Don't make that decision now. Wait until the pain has drawn back and you can think more clearly.<P>Post here or on "General Questions" when you need to vent about a bad day or need advice. There are a lot of wonderful people here who understand what you're going through.<P>My heart goes out to you and your two boys. Hang in there. It will get better. --HBC

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. The first thing you need to do is see a lawyer about your options, especially with kids involved. The see a councilor. You are not alone, and try not to blame yourself!<P>------------------<BR>