Help!! Ive just recently discoverd my wife has been having an emotional affair. She has been talking with this man every day on the phone for at least an hour over the last two months that I know of. We are living in seperate states right now due to job and school. She is coming home this weekend to me, but this man also lives in this area. Ive tried suggesting we find a differnt place to live, but to her thats not an option. I don't even know if she is planning on staying with me, or finding her own place to live. It seems that she has already given up on our marriage. We dont have any kids, but I LOVE her very much and I want us to work out! I dont know how to deal with this. I want to be able to tell her she can't see or talk to this guy anymore. Im afraid if she does it could turn physical. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I want to let her to move back home with me so I can show her that I can meet her emotional needs, but this guy has a big headstart on me.

Vaforme,<BR>I too am a betrayed., by my W too. Ours was also an E.A. but PA was imminent, although she said she would "never" go that far, sorry tosay but many in this forum also have said that and found themselves deep into a PA. <BR>When I caught it , it was my guess about 2-4 weeks away from a PA. Thank God let me discover it! <BR>Look up the helps here in this forum that are lots. Learn how to meet her emotional needs fast. Replace what<P>------------------<BR>jnvc

Because you discovered this BEFORE anything physical happened, I think you still have a chance. Get some counseling now! See if you can get her to go also. I think you can appeal to her sense of morality and commitment to her vows to get her to try one more shot? What does she have to lose? If she tries and still feels she wants to leave the marriage, she will feel she's exhausted every possibility. Surely she owes you the chance to try? (appeal to her on that level).<P>Work your butt off and mean it. Nothing is more visible than sincerity. This other guy seems to be touching a nerve. Find out what need he is fulfilling and fill it yourself. You have the advantage. He doesn't know your wife like you do. You know her soft and vulnerable sides. He doesn't have your history together. Use that to your advantage! Go for it! Best of luck

Have you asked her outright if she was physical with this other man? Would she tell you if she was? It is very easy for a person to fall into the trap of feeling special because of all the attention that they are receiving from this other person. When I found out that my husband had an affair, I needed to find emotional support, so I started talking about this other man- thinking about him, I had a crush on him in my mind. We talked for a lengthy amount of time, but then I asked myself, why am I putting all my energy into this other relationship? I should be putting the focus on my own relationship and what I want out of it. What was I looking for in this other person that I wasn't getting at home? First, this other person, made me forget about my spouce, he was new, and he was a challange to persue- even though I would never allow myself to be swept away. Consider what you and your spouce need to give each other, spend time with each other, and focus on what really matters. Look ahead in life and examine what type of relationship you view yourself as having...EA are hard, but if it is not nipped in the bud, it will progress- they will meet for lunch, or at the park, and eventaully one person will make the moves on the other. Fight for what you want, but examine what you want first. be careful for what you wish for- you might just get it...everything happens for a reason- take this as a warning signal before it is to late.