O.K. I just found out that my husband of 5 years, that told me that we don't think alike anymore and we have nothing in common has found something in common with an inmature 18 year old that is his bosses son's wife (they have been married less than a year) apparently they have a lot in common since they are such good "friends" and recently got their tongues pierced. Meanwhile, I am in school taking care of our 4 year old daughter and trying to keep our bills paid. He tells me my dad can help me with the bills. My dad was giving us 400 a month just to help us out while the h was keeping 100 a week out of his paycheck for just him. Weird but he never seemed to have any money. I am driving an 11 year old car that I inherited that has no a/c no radio and the headliner is falling on my head. He doesn't have the best truck but it's only 4 years old with a/c and a radio with a "system". Now he wants to take my little girl out on the boat today with him and his friends, I told him no and he got all mad. Am I wrong for this? She's 4 years old she doesn't need to be around the vulgarity and the drinking especially in a boat! He tries to make me the bad person because he tells me he wants to be "friends" but I really don't need any friends like him. I am going to the lawyer Tuesday and he tells me that I am the one pushing for a divorce but yet he tells me he is never coming back. O.K. what else am I supposed to do in this situation? I am in college full time and now he says that he would have liked to go to college. I told him that was the plan I was going to go and get a job and then it was your turn. I said or you can go to night school, he said No, that would take forever. He wants everything dropped in his lap and I can't do that. My dad had found him a wonderful job but he wouldn't take it because he would have to drive and hour there and back a day. So what? My dad and his dad both have done it for 30 years. I can't compete with an 18 year old because I have a responsibility to my daughter that I fully intend on fulfilling. He has never done anything with her on a fatherly basis. When I tell him that he said he never had any time! But he had time to go out with his friends constantly! I told him he had to come get all of his stuff out of the house and he told me it's fine where it is I don't have anywhere to put it. He is fixing to lose his job because he doesn't go to work anymore, his boss is a family friend that has done So much for us through the years and he doesn't even have any respect for her. He goes to work when he feels like it and when he doesn't he doesn't. He was supposed to fill in for his best friend yesterday but he got drunk and didn't go. All of his married friends have tried to talk to him but it doesn't do any good. He says there's no way they're happy. He says you can't be happy with someone telling you what to do all the time. Anyway, I have begged him to go to counseling, church, etc. and he won't do it. He needed to take a class at church so our daughter could get baptized but he wouldn't do it because it was during hunting season. I told him the father is supposed to see that his child goes to church and he said I was taking her. Any advice because I am filled with rage and I don't want to be.

Dear Heartbroken1,<P>From your post it sounds like you are the responsible one (taking care of your daughter, going to school, etc.) and are trying to better your life for yourself and your family.<P>It sounds like H may have a problem with alcohol and this may be a good part of the problem. You have to remember though, you cannot take the blame for someone else's actions. You only have the control for your own behavior. <P>You are right, you cannot compete with an 18 year old, and you shouldn't have to. You have every right to be angry.<P>As far as not letting your daughter go on the boat trip today, I agree 200%. A 4 year old does not need to be exposed to that type of behavior. And if everyone is drinking would they really be attending to your daughter where she could be in a potentially dangerous situation (boat and deep water, etc).<P>You need to look out for the welfare of your daughter and yourself. It sounds like you have a supportive family which will help you in this situation.<P>The best thing I can suggest is to look thru this site. There are a lot of us in similiar situations. Also, I would suggest you contact a local chapter of Al-Anon that can help you with your H's drinking problem. <P>I know when you are angry it is hard to sort out things. I have started writing in a journal and that helps with a lot of my feelings, one of them being anger. It helps to clear my head so that I am able to see things in a better light.<P>I hope this helped you, atleast to know you are not alone.<P>You and your family are in my prayers!<P>Maria <P>

Thanks for your reply! I am really trying, and it is getting better day by day. I have put my problems into God's hands and I know that whatever he chooses for me will be the right decision no matter how it turns out. I know I do not want my husband back if he is going to be the person that he was before. I am too good of a person to be treated like a nonhuman! I pray for him too because I know that he is a lost person and he needs God in his life so bad but I can't make him turn to him if he doesn't want to. I am going to do the best that I can for my daughter and raise her to the best of my abilities. He wants to be friends but I am finding it very hard to be friends with him. I asked very little from him while we were married and now I just don't see how we can be friends. For 5 years I tried to be his friend and he pushed me away. Anyway, thanks for replying and I really appreciate your prayers!