He's been gone since April 29th, and it has been extremely difficult! My heart, mind, and emotions are all over the place. Sometimes I'm okay, other times I break down sobbing and shaking uncontrollably in private places where family and friends won't see me (bathroom, office, in the car, in the middle of the night, making dinner, at the gym, on my runs/walks, even right now). In time I know it won't hurt so much, but in the mean time it's difficult to come. Every second is a struggle to stay sane and in one piece. <P>During the weekdays, MIL stays with me because she is concerned, but on weekends she goes back to her house. Night and weekends are hardest! OW lives in the same condo complex. He moved into his own apartment, but he comes here to see her. On top of the deception and dishonesty in which this was discovered, his coming to the complex feels like rubbing salt in the wound. It is such agonizing torture, it would be better to die than feel this pain over and over again!!! <P>Last weekend, I flew home to be with family and it wasn't any better back there. So many memories as we are both from the same place. It was excruciating to tell nieces and nephews who just adore him. They wanted to know if they could still call him 'Uncle' and if they were ever going to see him again? I told them yes, of course they could still call him that, but it may be awhile before they see him again. We all cried and had a big group hug! Oh, God, help me!<P>He knows that this is hurting me, but I doubt if he knows the extent. His mother shared with me that she asked him when he first moved out if he loved OW. According to her, he said, "No, doesn't know yet, they are just dating." I'm sure OW feelings are stronger for him than his are for OW, as he told me before he left that at this time he wants to only date without being in a relationship. I know I still love him and would forgive this if asked me to. I wonder if he thinks of me sometimes or even misses me a little bit. <P>I signed up for activities I know we would've done together (some similar interests) as I was planning to do these anyway. They won't begin for another 2 weeks, but it's going to be a looooooong 2 weeks!<P>Anyway, I hope all of you out there are doing better!<P>

sdn,<P>Maybe some thoughts like I shared with Mrs. O may help... <P>===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000139.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR: Gotta Plan A question for you...</A><P>You're loved too! <P>Jim