The other woman called to tell me about the affair she was having with my husband about a month ago. I had found this womans name and number on my husbands pager and had asked him about it many times before. I had even threatened to call the woman. My husband continued to insist that the woman paged him for work related reasons and that I should be ashamed of myself for accusing him of such a thing. After it all came out, I went through the two weeks of affection and I'm sorry stuff. I read the other board about the frequent sex and believe me we did all that, but now I am just mad as hell. I thought everything was going well with us. I am so angry because of all the lies he told me. I ordered six books from this site. I started reading surviving an affair and then I stopped because although he says he is so so sorry, he hasn't picked up one of the books and he continues to tell me that talking about it everyday won't help. I don't like bringing it up everyday but I am so hurt and angry. Now I just think of mean cruel things to say and I know this isn't helping. I'm lost and confused. I know I still love my husband but I can't make that "I want you to suffer" feeling go away.

confused33,<P>It is more than perfectly normal to have these feelings and they can last for a long time. Even when you think you have them under control they can come back.<P>Don't hate yourself for your own feelings.<P>Vent here... and do it frequently.<P>Keep up with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...and learn<BR>...and learn<BR>...and become a better, stronger you!<P>Issues of "forgiveness" always come up...<BR>...here are a few resources...<BR>Sites: <A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A> and <A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A>.<P>Books:<BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P>Instead of saying "mean" things... check out previous posts on <B>Reducing/Eliminating Love Busters:</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006351.html" TARGET=_blank>Please remind me why I'm still trying</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011124.html" TARGET=_blank>PLEASE "LISTEN" For everyone READ</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000008.html" TARGET=_blank>Using a "filter" to not LB</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002262.html" TARGET=_blank>How to say my feelings without it being a LB</A><P>Prayers to you... <P>Jim

Last night I tried to swallow a handful of pills. I know it was childish, but my H said I should hurt him to get my anger out and I knew that that was the only way I could really hurt him. He knocked them out of my hand. We are calling a counselor today. I know I have to get over my anger, but it is eating a hole through my heart. <P>The more he apologizes the more empty I feel. What are words compared to what he did? He says I will learn to trust him again in time because he will earn my trust by being my husband every day, but he had spent 11 years "earning" my trust. I trusted him absolutely and he did this. <P>Sometimes I feel like I can go on with my life and sometimes I feel that I can never make it through knowing what he's done. We have been through so much together. We have struggled for money, struggled through school, struggled to care for three small children, struggled through a failed adoption. <P>When I had lost faith in everything else in the world I believed in us. I always felt safe in his arms. I really believed that our love was special and that he was the most wonderful, decent man in the whole world. Now that is gone and I feel like my whole life is built on nothing.<P>And now he has the job, he has the M.A. and the J.D. And I have nothing but little children to care for, one of them with special needs. (he may need supervision his whole life) I feel this incredible bitterness and anger rising up in me. Like I'm just waking up and seeing the folly of ever trusting my life and my childen's lives to a man. "It seemed like a good idea at the time" has become the theme of my life. I think I'll have it carved on my gravestone. <BR>

Thanks Jim for your encouragement. I will read that information over and over again until I get through this.<BR>Tressa, reading your post just made me cry like a baby. I am feeling the same things that you are. My husband and I just shared our 12th anniversary...three weeks after I found out about this whole ordeal. I lost my parent four months apart from each other just a year ago and my sisters and I aren't close at all. My husband and our two children are my everything or so I thought. My husband and I married in college. I never finished because I was taking care of our oldest son. I sat in the wings while my husband earned his Masters and we went through everything together. Struggling financially, trying to raise our children etc. After my parents death, I thanked God that at least I had a wonderful husband and best friend. Now I feel as you do...alone. I feel like that last 12 years were a lie. I just can't believe he did this to us..I'm glad he knocked the pills from your hand. Believe me I thought about swallowing some myself but I know at least my children need me. Please don't ever let yourself even think of it again. I asked my husband to go to counselling but he says that he needs to go alone. He went to one session but didn't care for the doctor and I'm not asking him to go again. I just feel that he should take the initiative if he really cares about our marriage. What do you guys think?