Help,please...just found out his weekend that there is an OW( background info in Plan A/B board), and SIL reported that ow had decided to leave and wanted nothing ore to do with H. Only now I find out she is pregnant too...I am 6 mnths, she 6-7 weeks. The affair was short-lived but H feels responsible for baby. He wants OW to move to our town so he can father both children. And he says he feels nothing for me. I don't know whether to believe him or if he can't feel anything because of the confusion and guilt. His solution is to stay in the guest room of our house (renting it for the same amount he contributes to household now)...doesn't want to put it on the market though I have suggested it. I don't know if OW is teling truth about wanting to leave him behind. That's what she told SIL but H says she was curious about if baby could be on his insurance (actually if prenatal bills for her could be...they can't)He is very worried about her because she was a family friend, just moved with nthing from south America and speaks no English. She had been dependending on his brothers and sister, but now they reject her because of the affair. They don't know she is pregnant yet. if she deserts him, is there chance of reconciling?..Is it normal for H to say he feels nothing but still wants to stay in house, and take care of me and baby until due date and through recovery? Or do I go ahead and arrange for divorce papers???????<P>I am sick about the whole thing. Any words of experience?wisdom?<BR>H says he feels nothing for me , but continues to hold me and call many times a day from work to ask if I'm okay. Can this possibly be worked through? What steps do I take?

emptyinside,<P>May I suggest that in addition to info you get here, you should also visit and post on the 'pregnancy/child' forum as some of us are also dealing with similar issues.

I am so sorry...you poor thing.<P>I do not have much advice, but I do think your H feeling that he "feels nothing" for you right now is normal...and does not mean that you and he cannot rebuild once the withdrawal phase is past. But, I'm very concerned about him wanting to father both children...surely, he owes her financial support, but I don't know how well your marriage could heal if he was playing dad to both children...I know some do, but it sure would be hard.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{emptyinside}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I will keep you in my prayers...<P>Kathi<P>

My deepest sympathy for your situation, particularly when you are with child. Please, talk to your doctor and make sure he knows the emotional stress you are under. Stress may be harmful to the precious life that you have inside you. Perhaps there is safe anti-depressant medication. Talk to your doctor.<P>I wouldn't know how to advise you, but Dr. Harley has written a column that somewhat deals with this topic: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5063a_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5063a_qa.html</A> <P>Best wishes, and focus on your baby!<P>Mike<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mike C2 (edited June 06, 2000).]

Empty,<P>I do hope you read this! My H had an affair with a girl who was a "close friend" of mine and also related (she's BIL's cousin). When I first found out about affair, also short lived, and pregnancy, H and I both had very conflicting feelings. We have a child who was 9 months old at D-day. Neither of us knew how the heck to deal with this situation. At first H wanted to "be there" for the OW. He called to check on her, etc. She finally had the OC in April. She has now turned ugly and H chooses to have no contact with her until the court junk is over with, which will determine paternity, child support and visitations. <P>I don't think it's totally unusual for your H to be VERY confused about his feelings. Especially given that you are pregnant and so is the OW. I think his actions, holding you, calling you, speak much louder than his words... I bet that those words, "I don't care for you anymore", are said out of guilt, remorse and knowing how much pain he has inflicted on you and your unborn child. I'm sure there's huge amounts of conflict in his heart. But, speaking from experience, things can get better!<P>Please come to the pregnancy/child board. You will find TONS of advice and people who have been there done that. Having the outcome of a pregnancy with the affair does make it a unique situation that can be difficult for those who haven't been in this situation to understand all the emotions that are produced. I wish you luck and hope to converse with you again.