Something I have not seen on the boards yet.My husband asked me to speak to the woman on the phone that he had been having a brief(5month)long distant affair with.She's not a co-worker or friend but someone he actually targeted off an internet "find your mate sight" living about 200 miles away.He had been trying to extract himself from this mess and I guess he needed my help in doing so. Aren't I handy to have around?We are seperated living in two different homes but had not been emotionally or sexually apart,so I thought!.Anyhow, he is very remorseful for his actions and we are in marriage counseling trying to rebuild trust and the marriage.Prior to this affair and during the affair, he had no history of sexual disfunction.Only upon the revealing of his actions has he been unable to maintain a full erection or he starts off strong only to get softer during sex.He orgasims but they lack the strenghth(pumping) and volume of days gone by.We have always had an active sex life with oral sex,variety of position and locations,"dress up" and time taken for each other away from our 2 year old daughter. I don't think this to be a medical problem nor does he.Any similarities out there? More important any help?????

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Carla G:<BR><B>Anyhow, he is very remorseful for his actions and we are in marriage counseling trying to rebuild trust and the marriage. /////Only upon the revealing of his actions has he been unable to maintain a full erection or he starts off strong only to get softer during sex.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, depression and stress are two sex killers. I'm sure guilt ranks right up there as well. In other words, he probably stops thinking good thoughts and starts thinking bad thoughts <P>Obviously, you have discussed this with him. What is his theory? Maybe with the separate housing he is masturbating more? (heh, heh, try getting an answer out of him on that one)<P>I'm unclear from your post whether this was a physical affair or an "internet" affair. Could he be winding up the mourning of the end of that relationship? Not fun to think about, but it is important to understand the reason for the lack of the old spark....and that it may be temporary.<P>Best Wishes,<P>Mike <P>

From hanging around MB for months, I'd have to say this is very common, and is usually overcome as healing occurs.<P>Good luck--<P>Kathi

Carla G,<P>This can definitely require medical attention...<BR>...psychological attention.<P>

Good to get insight from a man. This was a sexual affair that was facilitated by the internet approach.<BR>Thanks Mike <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike C2:<BR><B> Well, depression and stress are two sex killers. I'm sure guilt ranks right up there as well. In other words, he probably stops thinking good thoughts and starts thinking bad thoughts <P>Obviously, you have discussed this with him. What is his theory? Maybe with the separate housing he is masturbating more? (heh, heh, try getting an answer out of him on that one)<P>I'm unclear from your post whether this was a physical affair or an "internet" affair. Could he be winding up the mourning of the end of that relationship? Not fun to think about, but it is important to understand the reason for the lack of the old spark....and that it may be temporary.<P>Best Wishes,<P>Mike <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I feel like it should be instantaneous. We found ourselves in a great relation 7 years strong or not so and then CABOOMB I have been a supportive person up until this point Gosh as I read this I see the old poor me syndrome. Forgive me for my poor me syndrome and allow me the Warrioress to come out As full blown sexual as I am , he did not need an outlet. As loyal as I am he did not need to fear me As committed as I am ...hurt starts here....guess stuff broke bad I am just a regular womam...I like sex with my man , I like committment, he told me tonight that when he first laid eyes on me he wnated to be close to me because I put myself in a " large and in charge mode" I hope he regains a l.arge and in charge mode plus the healing factor<B>From hanging around MB for months, I'd have to say this is very common, and is usually overcome as healing occurs.<P>Good luck--<P>Kathi</B>[/QUOTE]<P><P>------------------<BR>Carla G

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Carla G:<BR>[B]Prior to this affair and during the affair, he had no history of sexual disfunction.Only upon the revealing of his actions has he been unable to maintain a full erection or he starts off strong only to get softer during sex.He orgasims but they lack the strenghth(pumping) and volume of days gone by.[B]<P>Carla, <P>I came across a Harley column where someone had the same problem of sexual dysfunction after the breakup of an EA. The link is down below. It is funny how the pattern of marriage problems are such that there are no new issues under the sun. To make a long story short, sexual dysfunction is very common while the BS withdraws from the lover. Not to worry, I think. Time will heal all wounds.<P>Also, is he on anti-depressants? They can have a side effect on sex drive.<P>Say, I'm interested in that part about you talking to the lover on the phone at his request. That must have been weird.<P>Anyway, here is the link:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html</A> <P>

Hey Mike,<BR>Thanks for the link, I guess every behavior is old news. The phone deal was indeed strange but it was a conversation that indicated by his words and also anger/shortness with her that it was a person who was not merely a client. You can tell the difference when you're in your "business mode" versus speaking with a friend or confidant.Anyhow I questioned who it was and H replied it was a woman and I questioned if he had been sleeping with her.<BR>Thus the merry business began. It was a good conversation as it brought all us players to the party at the same time and clarified positions. No H is not divorced, yes I am very much in the picture, no the daughter is 2 not 4 years old plus all the shock "i'm sorry and had I only known I wouldn't have pursued a married man" sort of stuff.Quite possibly she wouldn't have. How are you doing with things?<BR>Carla G

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Carla G:<BR><B> Thus the merry business began. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yeah. Jeez, I'm surprised he involved you in talking to her. I wouldn't have gone that route.<P>My W and I are doing okay....I'm in Plan A, she's showing signs of responding. Actually, we are not recovering from an affair, I just followed my friend Cali over here from the EN board. I initiated MB stuff after I found that we were drifting apart and I was unhappy. You can search over there on my thread "My Story".<P> <P>