Hello all,<P>The following is a posting made by my husband at another bullentin board. There are a few misconceptions, but overall it is the truth.<P>I am currently seeking out the help for all of my issues. I know that I am accountable for all my actions. I am trying to do the work, because I never want to cause the pain, damage, and hurt that I caused myself and the husband that I do love. <P>Please don't hold back. <P>A week ago we were going to try to work it out. However, as of today, we have decided that we need to be apart for at least a little while. <P>Thanks for your feedback.<BR>____________________________________________<BR>My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We've lived together for 4. I recently discovered an e-mail archive including over 150 pages of dialog she has had with over 14 men. The exchanges were very explicit and included numerous confirmations of appointments at hotel rooms etc as well as follow up saying how nice it was and how good it felt to make love etc. In addition there were numerous specific requests for money in exchange for time spent together as well as confirmation of money being sent on many occasions. It appears my wife was a prostitute and I didn’t even know it. After she read everything she admitted to having 2 long standing sexual affairs with men since before we got married. She also admitted to going on multiple “dates” with others and meeting at least one in a hotel for “heavy petting” in exchange for $500 twice. I called many of the men and confirmed that there was at least that much going on. My wife has also been smoking more and more pot since we met. She says that the pot has been a primary reason for her “lack of judgement” and has since promised to quit pot, quit seeing and talking with other men and to get counseling. I’ve been working very hard and perhaps too many hours which I take accountability for. I make good money and we absolutely don’t need extra money. I know she has been dishonest about money and am currently investigating this area. I also am recovering from a serious back injury from 2 years ago which has affected my ability to have as much sex as we used to but we still had sex on average twice a week. I feel like such a fool because I really trusted her and had no idea she would do this to me. Is prostitution, drug and sex addiction, and cronic deceit and lying too much to expect her to be able to get over? She says she didn’t care about the men and “it was just a game” and it was about power not love or even sex. I initially thought I would have to divorce her immediately. She has begged for another chance and after much thought, I have tentatively decided to let her stay with me to see if she is really willing to do the work. I really love her and I am willing to do the work myself to understand how I can better tend to her emotional and physical needs if I find out she is sincere. I am concerned however that someone with this much stuff to deal with will never really change and that I am setting myself up for more pain. She seems unable to be honest with herself and lies about the littlest stupid things as if she forgot what it was like to just be honest. I’m wondering if all this is too much to expect her to get over. Should we be separated while we both seek help, or is it possible for both of us to stay together and still have an honest and loving relationship in the future?<P>

Welcome <B>messedupmylife</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You're a very brave person for admitting your faults...<BR>...so many people hide from their faults!<P>You do seem to have a few more issues of self improvement to address... even before you can go whole-heartedly into any kind of recovery.<P>I don't know if it is needed...<BR>...but seeing an MD for possible referrals may be a reasonable first step...<BR>...perhaps a psychiatrist to <BR>1. get onto some anti-depressant medication<BR>2. address the "drug" issue<BR>3. get counseling/therapy ... on self-esteem/drugs/prostitution<P>Being separated from your H at this time is a tough call... if it is needed for your own therapy...OK<BR>But...<BR>...for marriage building... it is generally recommended that you <B>don't</B> separate.<P>Staying together can help both you H and you work on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>-ing each other! In your case <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>-ing your H may be a lot to ask for... as you need to address some of those other issues.<P>Your marriage can be salvaged...<BR>...it will take a substantial amount of patience on the part of your H.<BR>...and signs of sincerity from you to him!<P>If you need professional direction... I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>!<P>My prayers are for you and your H!<P> <P>Jim

messedupmylife,<P>Well, first of all, I am glad that you have come here for help! That is definately a move in the right direction.<P>As far as feedback, I don't know what exactly to say to you in regards to your specific situation. I think you should definately seek counseling, for both of you, as well as you on an individual basis. Also, keep posting here, it really does help.<P>I wish you the best of luck and do hope to see you post more on here! My prayers are with you.