I have only posted a couple of times on here because I feel like my situation is not like most of the posts. My H does not want to make our marriage work. He wants out and is doing just that. I am sad and lonely one minute and totally angry and confused the next. He won't even return my calls and I only call like once a day - mostly to ask him when he's going to make time for our 3 year old daughter. It sickens me that she asks about him all the time when he obviously doesn't care about her. He's moving in with a woman that has a son and he's willing to be there for her child but not for ours. I want to hurt him severly for what he's putting our daughter through. I am an adult, and although the pain he's causing me is excrutiating, I will eventually bounce back. But my daughter is just an innocent child who didn't ask for this to happen. H says he has to get himself re-established before he can be a father. Isn't that too convenient for him. Wouldn't it be nice if I could do the same? But I can't. I still have to be a mother every single day and take on all the burden since he never comes around. He has a son from previous marriage and he goes to visit him several times a week but doesn't bother with our child because he doesn't want to deal with me. What an immature jerk! I cannot even begin to go into all the emotional turmoil I have been through with my H - trust me, it has been a lot. And through it all I have stuck by him. Then at the first sign of his unhappiness, he runs away. I write all my feelings down and it feels so good to get them out and then I go back and read it and I find myself crying like a baby. Why did this have to happen to me? I'm sure that's what everyone is saying. Why me? Well, I have really been through the mill with my H and not only do I feel betrayed that he's having an affair but also betrayed that after all I have supported him through he cannot give me the same respect and try to stand by me.<BR>Anyone else experiencing the same feelings?<BR>Please let me know.<BR>Silvress

You are not alone in what you are going through. I know that I have read posts from others who are going through situations similar to yours. Although my situation is a bit different, lets face it, we are all hurting and just trying to get through. I suggest that you continue to post here. There are some experts on this site and they can help you get through this. I would suggest ordering some of the Harley books. "Surviving an Affair" has helped me a lot. All of us have up and down times and this site and the support you receive here will help a lot. <P>My prayers are with you. Keep the faith

Silvress,<P>You will continue to have many such feelings...<BR>All are normal...<BR>All are natural...<BR>All have to be cycled through...<P>Hey...<BR>you've probably missed hearing this...<BR><B>you are loved</B>!<P>Stay here... post... read... ask...<P>You can best make it through this rollercoaster with the help of those who feel the way you do!<P>We're here!!!<P> <P>Jim

Thanks Jim!! I know life will go on.

Silvress,<BR>Although my situation is different I have lots of feelings I can relate to yours.<P>-When my H talks about "leaving" he's not worrying about who's going to take care of our 2 kids. Because I am. I always think "Easier for YOU to leave!"<P>-Why he gave me this after all I have supported him? Exactly. I left my country and language behind and I got this from him. I hate it.<P>-My H is like your H, when he really wants to do something, he WILL do it no matter what. The A was the worst thing of them, and there are lot more things he'd do no matter how I feel. That hurts.<P>Sounds like your H doesn't want to face you because there is something wrong with HIM, and trying to put all blame on you. <P>Do you have your family around or friends who would watch your kids while you want to be alone? I know it's hard to even cry when kids are around. Take care of yourself, and hang in there...<P>Praying for you...<BR>Amy

Amy-<P>Thank you for your response. Luckily I do have family nearby but they've been on vacation for the past 2 weeks, so I haven't gotten much support there. My biggest fear is looking for a job. I have been a SAHM for the past 4 years. Not easy to find a good job when you've had no work history for the past 4 years. And I cannot accept just any job, I have to find one that will allow me to stay in my house, so it has to pay fairly well. Almost another impossible task considering my experience over the past years.<BR>Talked to H today. He was actually understanding this morning. Then he called back later and was mean again. As hard as I try not to attack him with words, he makes it impossible with his inconsistent behavior.<BR>I started yelling and cursing him which is very unusual for me because I absolutely despise curse words. But today you would have thought I created them all!!<BR>I asked him for one little favor to come babysit this Friday night and he's making it seem like I'm asking the impossible. He's planning on moving in with OW this weekend, so I told him it would be the perfect opportunity to start packing his belongings while he's here babysitting. He wanted to know how late I was going to be. I told him that it shouldn't matter because if he needed to get all his things packed, that could take a couple of days anyway and that he could just stay the night - on the couch -<BR>and continue packing on Saturday. You would have thought I suggested he drink poison or something. Says he refuses to sleep here because he doesn't live here anymore and doesn't want to be here. What a joke, he only stopped coming home this past weekend. So, one more night would kill him????? Oh, the frustration I feel is overwhelming because he wants everything to be how he says and forget what is actually practicle and makes sense. He's moving 40 miles away. Does it really make sense to drive here Friday night, drive back to wherever once I get home, and then turn around 6 hours later and drive back to pick up his things?????????? That makes no sense to me at all!! I've tried so hard to implement plan A, but I think I'm going to start using Plan C - forget about him and move one with my own life.<BR>Thank you for your support. Sorry you gave up so much to be with him and then he deserts you.<P>Silvress