Got all the bad feelings out. Said every ugly thing I needed to say. Love my H more than anything. Finally forgave him two days ago. I feel better than I have in months. Last night we built a fire and burned all the emails he and the OW sent to each other. We are going to renew our vows next week. I thought I couldn't forgive him because I could never be sure he wouldn't do it again, but then I thought that I would like to have guarantees about a lot of things in life-I'd never get cancer, my kids wouldn't die young, our house wouldn't burn down, my boys would never go to war, etc. I have to do the best I can, love him and my children, and give the rest to God. <P>I've been up and down since I last wrote. I crashed my car and the Bobcat fire came within 1/2 mile of our cabin, so things have been a bit frantic. Also, our youngest child is really not doing very well and home life is really crazy. Austism causes very difficult behavior. My doctor doubled my dose of SRIs and that seems to be helping. <P>Annc and Lapeine, I am still thinking of you and rooting for you.<P>Tressa

Tressa-<BR>Oh, I am so happy for you!!!! I wish you and David the best! It was good to hear from you again - please keep in touch.<BR>Still hanging in but this is not easy - in fact, it may be harder than dealing with the death of my parents years ago. I don't know...that is probably an awful statement to make... wish I had them now, I could really use their comfort. That's why I am so thankful for this site.<BR>God bless...let's keep each other in our prayers!!! A

I'm so glad to read this post!<P>You are right, that there are no guarantees in life, and sometimes we so badly want them. <P>Sounds like you are doing really well.<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi