Hi all betrayed spouses and betrayers,<P>Here's just something I feel I should share.<P>On Friday I was ready to file for divorce, tired of fighting for our marriage in every possible way. Then a wonderful thing happened to me. God spoke to my mind and so many things were cleared instantly. It was as if the fog had lifted for ME. Funny how we think that we as BS’s are so clear and so right while our wayward spouses and OP's are wrong and evil and living in the dense fog of affairs and betrayal.<P>I have been through just about everything in the past three months that BS’s go through. The discovery; the lies; the denial; the proof; the sleepless nights; the hurt; the talking; the counselling; the hope; the promises; the broken promises; the “I don’t love you anymore”; the “I can’t stand to touch you”;… and so the list goes on.<P>What God told me on Friday was that our marriage was His will, but Satan is constantly looking for opportunities to break marriages. Satan uses us and our human weaknesses in his battles against God. If we try to fight Satan’s wishes with mortal power, there is no hope for us, but if we ask God to help us, and believe in him as our saviour, then Satan has no grip on us.<P>I thought about this insight from God and then my vision cleared.<P>My W, whom I love dearly, is not to blame. The OM, whom I hated passionately, is not to blame. Even the circumstances are not to blame. Satan was using them and he was using me to fuel his efforts for victory. My W even told me last week that she and OM really wanted to end the A but realised they could not. She said it was like an unknown force they could not resist, was driving them to contact each other. They discussed it and they knew what was right but simply couldn’t do it. At the time I thought it was just another lame excuse, but now I can see how all of us were manipulated and how all our emotions, needs and fears were used by Satan against us.<P>We have now decided to approach this onslaught against our marriage from a different angle…through the Lord our saviour. It’s amazing, my W’s attitude toward me has already changed after one day. She actually initiated intimacy with me yesterday and I could sense that she meant it too!!!<P>Satan, however doesn’t give up so easily and things won’t come right as if by magic. I’m sure his angle of attack will yet change, but at least now we know how to do combat. This is one marriage he will not get on a silver platter.<P>Praise the Lord for he cleared the fog. Through prayer and His power, our marriage will be healed.<P>_____________<BR>Van<P>P.S. For the last 3 days I have completely lost the urge to LB.<BR>

Dear Van, I am very happy for you and your spouse. If you both continue to keep God first in all you do your marriage will be fine. I only hope the same for mine. God Bless and Good Luck.

It is so fulfilling to see someone else's views on marriages as being God's will...<BR>and yet it is depressing too. I have had all the same thoughts and messages you expressed and it is so frustrating because my H refuses to accept the Lord into our marriage let alone into his life period. I pray that God will put a wall between him and the OW, but it doesn't have a chance because my H does not believe.<P>My H has moved in with OW only after knowing her for 2 months. He has only been gone for 2 weeks. When he does call, he is like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hide. One minute he's approachable - as long as I don't bring up anything about the affair, his behavior and the pain I'm experiencing as a result - the next minute he's yelling and cursing me about what a horrible wife I was and that it's my fault the marriage is over. Yet through all of this, I have not given up hope. Although I admit, yesterday he said some extremely cruel things to me - completely unmerrited - and I'm starting to lose sight of what I'm supposedly fighting for.<P>Again, congrats on your progress and I hope it grows stronger every day.<P>God Bless.<BR>Silvress

You may want to check out this link<p><BR><a href="http://www.liveprayer.com"> Live Prayer </a>and recieve a daily devotional from them. Some of them come on just the right days. For example I recieved this one on June 10, 2000 about a week after I confessed my sins to my husband.<p><BR>DAILY DEVOTIONAL SATURDAY JUNE 10, 2000<p><P>A message to those committing adultery. Early in my marriage, when I was<BR>not walking with the Lord, I was involved in several adulterous affairs. I<BR>thank God daily for His love and mercy, for His forgiveness. I thank God<BR>daily for my wife and her commitment to our marriage and unconditional love<BR>that allowed her to forgive me. I confess this to you today so those who<BR>read this will know that I understand this subject. Adultery is simply an<BR>act of gross selfishness. There is NO excuse for it, no way to even try and<BR>justify it. It is an act of total rebellion towards God. It is sin, and<BR>trust me my friend, God can not, and will not bless sin. When you commit<BR>this act, you are sinning against God, your spouse, yourself, and you are<BR>contributing to the sin of the other person. There are NO winners in an<BR>adulterous situation. EVERYONE LOSES. For whatever moments of pleasure<BR>there are, you pay an incredibly high price. So why are so many involved in<BR>this activity.<p><P>The reasons for committing adultery are endless. All of them added up<BR>together still aren't justification for this blatant act of disobedience.<BR>Do you realize the time and effort that it takes to be involved in an<BR>adulterous relationship, if that same time and effort were put towards your<BR>spouse, it would do wonders for your marriage? If you took all of the time<BR>of planning it takes to be together with that other person, put forth the<BR>same energy you do to please that other person, was as kind, considerate,<BR>and affectionate as you are with that other person....with your<BR>spouse....how much better your marriage would be. Do you realize that when<BR>you are involved in an adulterous relationship how much communication there<BR>is with the other person? If you put even half of that communication in<BR>your marriage it would be dramatically better.<BR><p><BR>Here is reality my friend. There is no future with a person you are<BR>involved in an adulterous relationship with. It will never work out, if for<BR>no other reason, God is never going to bless such a union. <b>Whatever<BR>problems exist in your marriage that even cause you to consider committing<BR>adultery are fixable with the effort of both spouses and God's involvement.</b><BR>For whatever reason there may have been, you chose to commit to marry that<BR>person, now you need to make it work. For those who are yet not married,<BR>maybe now you can see why it is SO IMPORTANT to not rush into marriage. To<BR>stay pure so you aren't forced into marriage, to be equally yoked so there<BR>is spiritual harmony and communication in a marriage. Most problems stem<BR>from the marriage starting on a bad foundation. Marriage is SERIOUS.<BR>However, if you find yourself in a marriage that was started on a bad<BR>foundation, Jesus Christ will help you rebuild that foundation on the Word<BR>of God. But you have to be willing to put forth the effort. Trust me, you<BR>may think things will be better in a new relationship, but ultimately, after<BR>a period of time, there will be problems. So don't compound them by<BR>fighting against God. That is a battle you will lose every time.<p><P>I love you and care about you so much. I know many of you are hurting. For<BR>those spouses who are in pain today because your spouse has cheated on you,<BR>let me encourage you. You are NOT responsible for his/her actions. Your<BR>spouse has the same free will you have. Your most effective weapon is to<BR>pray for them, and commit them to God since only He can change their heart.<BR>My wife learned how to really trust God 100% during that period in our life<BR>many years ago. It will help you to make your faith real. The Lord will<BR>help you overcome the pain and hurt, and actually be able to forgive your<BR>spouse and move forward in your relationship. For those who are currently<BR>involved in an adulterous relationship, let me challenge you. STOP TODAY.<BR>I know that it will be difficult, but it is the first step to getting your<BR>relationship with God back, and your life back. Anyone who is honest, knows<BR>that life becomes almost not worth living under those conditions. God will<BR>always help you when you are trying to follow His way. Whatever problems<BR>exist in your marriage, adultery is not the answer. Honest open<BR>communication with your spouse, allowing God to be an active part of your<BR>life, working at the commitment you made to your husband/wife....this is<BR>what it is going to take to make your marriage all that God wants it to be.<p><P>Because of the sensitive nature of this issue, know that I will be spending<BR>time in prayer for those of you who are dealing with this in your life.<BR>Both those who are committing adultery, and those who have a spouse cheating<BR>on them. My prayer is that you will find that intimate personal<BR>relationship with the Lord you need to overcome the circumstances you are<BR>facing in your life. No matter how hopeless things may look, there is<BR>ALWAYS hope in Christ. Get right with God, then get right with your spouse.<BR>It is the only answer, and God will help you when you follow His Word.<p><P>In His love and service,<BR>Your friend and brother in Christ,<BR>Bill Keller<p><p><P>I have been unable to give this to my husband. We are doing quite good right now and both of us are not talking about the past at this time. However it does come up in small comments and I try so hard not to hear them for it breaks me up to realize what I have done. I agree with you about the evil that was in me. Also a huge weakness that is going away so quickly. I don't know the specifics of your wife's situation but it was a power over me for so long. For example I wouldnt see the OP for months and barely think about it when I would get a call. At some point I became convinced that the devil in whatever way was using this man to get me and since I was weak it was a perfect match.<p><P>The last time I spoke to the OP I said I hope someday you will see how I feel and it will fix your life. The sad thing for me is so many times I told the OP I was not feeling well and would make excuses not to see him and do well yet every once in a while I was powerless to him.<p><P>The good news is I am no longer powerless. I feel better then I have in years. That is hard on my husband (he is feeling so betrayed ) but the burden of guilt made me into a monster at home and with that lifted I can be everything today that I promised him on our wedding day and so much more.<p><P>I can only hope now that he likes the new me. He seems pleased and is in need of immense attention from me now. I am trying very hard to do that ... he has given me hope and that was all I asked for. I know he may never forgive and surely won't forget but knowing about weakness and looking at the former me we both have huge hope. <p><BR>

LST-<P>It's funny you mention that particular devotional. I received that one week after my husband admitted he was leaving me for another woman. It was so revitalizing for me, but also depressing because I don't feel much faith about saving our relationship because my husband is such a hethon. He does not live a christian's life and has no desire to seek the help of the Lord. But he must be very torn right now because so many people, including me are praying for a miracle to restore our marriage. <P>Just thought I'd share that with you.