Last night I pulled out some pictures of my parents and cried myself to sleep. I dreamed of them last night and although I don't remember exactly what the dream was about I woke up with a peaceful feeling. After getting going with my morning I noticed my wedding ring wasn't on my finger. I knew it was there yesterday. I looked through the covers and couldn't find it. Just as I was about to get upset I found it on the floor next to my side of the bed. I think I pulled it off during my sleep. The ring is pretty tight on my finger. I put the ring back on and as I looked at it I started to feel bad again. What does this ring really mean. It's just a symbol that I am married but it really only means something to me. Long story short I took the ring off and I feel better. I had noticed that everytime I looked at the ring it reminded me of what shape my marriage is in.<P>I am not wearing that ring until my h makes a commitment to counseling or something. I cannot play this go along like it never happened game anymore. I will stay with plan A, I know he is going to have a problem with me not wearing my ring but I am going to tell him that it reminds me of bad times and broken promises. The bond was broken by him. <P>I know that will be considered a love buster but he'll have to deal with it. <P>any opinions??

Well, here's some advice from a gal who's taken her ring off and put it back on so many times there are skid marks on her fingers <P>Unfortunately, taking the ring off does not make the problem go away. I don't know exactly what your situation is, if the OW is still in the picture, if your H is in a withdrawal stage, etc. The way that I personally look at it now is that I am making a commitment to try to make my marriage work. The ring stays on unless every measure has been attempted and has failed, and we are getting a divorce. Until then, "for better and worse" I'm not sinking to the level my H did.<P>If it's any consolation, it took my husband months to finally work toward a solution. Yes, his body has been at the counseling sessions with me for the past year, but he didn't want to talk about it - he would say "I don't want to dwell on this - I just want to move on and forget about it." He is a very emotionally closed off person, and because of this, I didn't feel like he was sorry because he didn't act like it and insisted on dropping it.<P>It's taken a lot of work, and we're still light years from where we need to be, but I'm happy that the baby steps are finally coming. But it takes a long time, especially if your H is like mine - emotionally closed off and not wanting to face the situation. My H also does not trust me to wholeheartedly to address the situation because he is afraid of my reaction (which is justified because even though I know about LB's, the German temper is still a lot more prominent than rationality at this point <P>Like I said, I don't know how long you've known about the A, or anything, but I do know that it takes a lot of time and patience AND tongue biting (my Achille's heel). But don't give up, and my advice is keep the ring on. Look at it as a symbol of the effort and committment YOU'RE putting into saving your marriage.

confused -<P>As a WS, I took my ring off during my PA. My H was away and I couldn't wear my ring because I felt so guilty. Now as the BS (I just recently found out about my H's PA 2 1/2 weeks ago), I didn't wear my ring for a week. My H hasn't worn his ring (mainly because it needs to be re-sized) for a while now. I'm wearing my ring now because I'm hopeful that no matter what bumps come this way, our love will make it through. <P>As for my H, one reason I never took his ring to get it re-sized was because of the hurt I would feel if he didn't wear it. He told my that riongs are uncomfortable, but when we 1st got married, he never took it off. It's funny how these things changes how we view wedding rings. I'm hopeful that maybe after his pain from my PA and the guilt from his PA lifts, that he'll wear it again.<P>I agree with CB - wear your ring for hope. Give your H a little time before you push him into counseling. I was just as closed off as your H was. 8 months later I'm just now able to really talk about all of this. Things will get better!<BR>Vee

I have thought this over today. I think that part of the reason I took it off was because when i dreamed of my parents I thought maybe it was a message or something. My parents died a year ago and I miss them terribly. I think if my mother was here I could tell her about this situation and she could somehow make sense of it all. I just put the ring back on after reading these responses and realizing that my mother would tell me to work on my marriage. I know it sounds crazy but I just beleive they are still a guiding force in my life. Who knows what the dream was or why the ring was on the floor but it's back on now and I am going to keep trying. It's just hard to deal with a person who is almost emotion less unless I start screaming at him to talk to me about this situation. I don't want to commit love busters but he sits there mute and won't discuss this situation unless it is to tell me that he will never do it again and he will spend the rest of his life making it up to me.<P>How can you make it up to me when you won't discuss it and you feel we should concentrate on more important things like our finances right now. Doesn't he realize this is important?<P>Boy, what a tangled web I'm in.

Dear Confused33 - <BR>Interesting to find someone else dabating the wedding ring today. Today my H came by after not seeing him for a week. He couldn't stay long - had to get back to work.<BR>I can't for the life of me remember what we were talking about; nothing important, but I used the conversation as an opportunity to express my committment to our marriage. I told him that My wedding ring was what bound me to him and that I was his and only his as long as I chose to wear the ring - even if we were divorced. The ring to me symbolizes my committment to the marriage - not his. He quit wearing his ring a long time ago, even before we had problems, so maybe he never took things seriously. But I am serious about my love for him and my committment to him. Whatever he does is his business, it's not going to alter how I view my wedding vows. I know that some people may not agree with me on this, they might say I'd be justified to seek male attention elsewhere - especially since my H is moving in with OW. But I am not ready yet. My H can give up on things and throw our marriage away, but as long as I still believe - even as hopeless as it may be - I will continue to wear the ring. My H placed this ring on my finger and promised to love and cherish me till death do us part. Some people are very weak individuals and give in to temptation very easily. But if we are strong and continue to remind them in indirect ways that we still honor the bond -ie, wearing our wedding rings - it could ultimately have a positive effect. Taking the ring off admits defeat in my opinion and leaving it on means that through everything, we are the strong, loyal ones who know the commitment we have entered into and choose to continue living that committment. My body, soul, heart, mind and dreams forever belong to my H as long as I wear my ring. He can divorce me and even still it will be my choice of where my loyalty lies.<BR>I probably sound a little obsessed. But it's not that at all. I don't pressure H to come back, I just need to remember that I am a married woman and that just because he is not respecting our marriage doesn't give me the right to forsake what God blessed.<P>Take care - keep me updated!<BR>Silvress

wow, Silvress you are right. About a week after D day (april 22) I started going out. I went out on friday and saturday the next two or three weeks. I would have a few drinks, entertain flirtatious conversations with the ugliest of people. smile....ok I was going crazy.<P>But one day I said to my husband, I am not going to let you turn me into this kind of person. I took vows to you and to God so I am not going to start behaving the way you do.<P>I think that kind of knocked him off his feet whether it was a love buster or not and I felt good about that. So what you just posted is exactly right. I think this morning was just a down morning combined with PMS. ha ha

Dear confused33,<BR>I know how you miss your parents. Although my parents are still at my home town, it's 3000 miles away and they're getting old. Totally different culture and values, I'm not going to tell this mess and make them worry. My mother and I used to be very close. This is another loss of mine.<P>Ring! I think you should wear it too. Plus, I have another ring now. On Wed my MIL and I went shopping just for fun, and I bought myself another ring. Nothing expensive, but I wanted to reward myself. It's a reminder to have fun. I made a promise to make myself happy, to spend some money and time for myself. This ring is a symbol of that. And I love it!<P>I saw my H at in-laws today. He still avoids me but had a couple words like "Want some tea?" He's still not home yet, sounded like he's coming home but nothing is sure. My MIL and I are going away for tomorrow and Sunday to have fun, he agreed to watch kids for 2 days. So at least he should show up sometime before I leave. We'll see.<P>confused33, you're going forward. You're getting stronger. Let's hang in there. Talk to you later.