Recently I was crusing the internet and I stumbled on a site that had some nude pictures. As curiosity has it (I am a male on a remote tour by myself) I looked at the nude pictures. As I was opening one of the pictures, I noticed that the person in the picture was my wife! The background of the picture was one of base housing at the base that I have been stationed at for 5 years. It is unmistakable. I was shaking so bad, that I didn't know what to do. After a couple bouts with the "bottle", I finally got the courage to ask my wife about it. She naturally denied it and turned the conversation back at me that I hurt her too even suggest such a thing. She has been very vocal on her conviction that she is a church going person, would not do that to the kids, etc. Unfortunately, the picture to me is unmisstakable. I have been married to her for 15 years, have 3 children, and have known her for 7 years before marriage. I asked her if she wanted me to send her the picture so that she could prove to me that it could not possibly be one of her, but she refused. I know she will never admit to it, but what am I to do. I am on a remote tour for 9 months ( have 3 months left) and she didn't want to move from where we are at even though the base I am going to be reassigned to is a resort commpared to any other. I don't know how to handle this. ANy comments is greatly appreciated on how to get through this. By the way, I don't believe that this picture was taken while I've been here, but I believe that whoever it is that she may have seen is still around. Help!! How do I approach this?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by US-GI:<BR><B>Recently I was crusing the internet and I stumbled on a site that had some nude pictures. As curiosity has it (I am a male on a remote tour by myself) I looked at the nude pictures. As I was opening one of the pictures, I noticed that the person in the picture was my wife! The background of the picture was one of base housing at the base that I have been stationed at for 5 years. It is unmistakable. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yikes. Well, you are in a tough position, being at a distance to deal with such a traumatic discovery.<P><B>By the way, I don't believe that this picture was taken while I've been here, but I believe that whoever it is that she may have seen is still around.</B><P>hmm..can you expand on this? What is there that time dates the photo? And do you have suspicions of the identity of another man? What is the nature of the photo, just playful exhibition or sexual? Could it be a girlfriend fooling around? <P>Keep in mind that this is not evidence of a current affair, and, being separated, starting a firefight might kill your marriage....<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike C2:<BR><B> Yikes. Well, you are in a tough position, being at a distance to deal with such a traumatic discovery.<P>By the way, I don't believe that this picture was taken while I've been here, but I believe that whoever it is that she may have seen is still around.</B><P>hmm..can you expand on this? What is there that time dates the photo? And do you have suspicions of the identity of another man? What is the nature of the photo, just playful exhibition or sexual? Could it be a girlfriend fooling around? <P>Keep in mind that this is not evidence of a current affair, and, being separated, starting a firefight might kill your marriage....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Mike, The photo is a picture of her on a bench in millitary housing. I know this because of the cupboards, sink, dishwasher (and brand), and the floor. Also, I know from pictures that I have of her, the facial expressions that clinch my suspicions. What dates the picture is the length and style of her hair and her associated weight situation (she has gained some in the last few years).<BR>I talked to her at great length (3 hrs) and she never denied it, she just said,"Do you think that I could do something like that? That makes me angry at you." I told her that I deleted the picture but I have not. But I am trying to trace the origin of the pic so that I can either relieve or confirm my suspicions. I'm think of presenting her with the picture when I get home and seeing the look on her face, but that may be too deadly...What are your thoughts. Thank you for the reply...<BR>

US-GI,<P>I will offer an opinion. I would print out the picture and send it to her. Is it possible that you took the picture and it fell into someone elses hands? If so, then that individual may have posted it.<P>So it seems to me, you need to be honest with W as to your feelings. So let me speculate abit here to see if it will help sort out a plan of action.<P>1. If you took the picture and someone else posted it, would you be willing to accept that?<P>2. Is the picture the real problem or the suspicion of an affair?<P>3. If it is an affair that you are concerned about, then addressing the picture may not be relavent. The picture has just warned you of the real problem.<P>4. If #3 is the case, then dropping the picture from the discussion may be prudent, since it is not the real problem only a symptom.<P>5. You cannot do anything until you get home, (bad news I know), but you can continue to talk with your wife and even do a long distance Plan A, you might get the truth faster that way.<P>Just some thoughts, but I would definitely print the picture out with a high quality printer if I could. Keep a copy even if you decide to send it to W. Also note the location on the internet that you found it.<P>This is a very tough situation, but it does no good to make it worse, until you can get home a do something about it. So I would recommend go slow, talk with W as much as possible, not just about picture and affair, but other things. If there is an affair, then you want to start the process of rebuilding the marriage.<P>Just some thoughts.<P>God Bless,<P>JL<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by US-GI:<BR><B> Mike, The photo is a picture of her on a bench in millitary housing.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Is it sexual in nature? I mean, do you feel it was a photo that was taken by a male lover, or could it have been a girlfriend? Is it posed, or could it have been taken clandestinely? <P><B>I'm think of presenting her with the picture when I get home and seeing the look on her face, but that may be too deadly...What are your thoughts. Thank you for the reply...</B>[/QUOTE]<P>JL gives you some good advice. I guess my thought process would go like this:<P>1. Am I 100% sure this is my wife? I mean, if a lot of your confidence is based on the army housing background, keep in mind that tens of thousands of couples have that housing in common. If it was a plaid purple couch and the statue with the clock in its stomach at Aunt Emmas, I'd see your point.<P>2. If so, am I sure this happened when I was married to her?<P>3. If the above are true, and she denies it....can I live with not knowing the truth, and write it off as past history?<P>4. If I can't live without knowing (I couldn't), what is my strategy now? In order to confront her, you need to be in place, in person, long enough to get the truth and then repair the breach before you separate again. Does your branch have any sort of compassion leave? Could you step up your reassignment due in three months? Are you returning to that base where she is now? <P>Frankly, the alarm bell than went off in my head reading your story was that she chose to stay at that base (where the photo was taken?)and away from you for 9 months. I assume she had reasons relating to your kids and school, but it also would raise suspicions in my mind over whether there was a relationship at that base that was keeping her there.<P>Her reaction is also disturbing. If someone told me there was a naked photo that looked just like me on the internet, I think I'd want to see it, just for laughs, at least.<P>Mike<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mike C2 (edited July 11, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Just Learning:<BR><B>US-GI,<P>I will offer an opinion. I would print out the picture and send it to her. Is it possible that you took the picture and it fell into someone elses hands? If so, then that individual may have posted it.<P>Thanks JL for your comments. Unfortunately, I didn't take the picture. She has a hard time letting me take those kinds of pictures and I've been married to her for 15 years. I feel that maybe the person who took it was taking advantage of her at a vulnerable time, and he acted on her. But in the same note, it COULD have been female also. I don't know. This is a side of a person that I've never seen. We made love one time at the top of a rock face mountain after a rock climbing thing. Afterward, she told me that she felt trashy of that incident. So that is the only thing that is keeping the faith with me.<P>So it seems to me, you need to be honest with W as to your feelings. So let me speculate abit here to see if it will help sort out a plan of action.<P>I have always been honest with her with my feelings of her, but it seems that they are discounted when I say them.<P>1. If you took the picture and someone else posted it, would you be willing to accept that?<BR>I didn't take the Picture...<P>2. Is the picture the real problem or the suspicion of an affair?<P>The suspicion in the affair, and the fact that she wouldn't trust me to do that all my life with her.<P>3. If it is an affair that you are concerned about, then addressing the picture may not be relavent. The picture has just warned you of the real problem.<P>That's a fact, and I've already decided that I would not show her the picture, but I still have it stored in many places. <P>4. If #3 is the case, then dropping the picture from the discussion may be prudent, since it is not the real problem only a symptom.<BR>I have told W that the case was closed, I fear that the main problem is that she may be guilty of the situation that happened and doesn't want the anxiety that she experienced from the breakup(or not), or the infidelity.<P>5. You cannot do anything until you get home, (bad news I know), but you can continue to talk with your wife and even do a long distance Plan A, you might get the truth faster that way.<P>I will read plan A again....<P>Just some thoughts, but I would definitely print the picture out with a high quality printer if I could. Keep a copy even if you decide to send it to W. Also note the location on the internet that you found it.<P>This is a very tough situation, but it does no good to make it worse, until you can get home a do something about it. So I would recommend go slow, talk with W as much as possible, not just about picture and affair, but other things. If there is an affair, then you want to start the process of rebuilding the marriage.<P>Just some thoughts.<P>God Bless,<P>JL<P>You are a prince JL. Thanks...<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike C2:<BR><B> JL gives you some good advice. I guess my thought process would go like this:<P>1. Am I 100% sure this is my wife? I mean, if a lot of your confidence is based on the army housing background, keep in mind that tens of thousands of couples have that housing in common. If it was a plaid purple couch and the statue with the clock in its stomach at Aunt Emmas, I'd see your point.<P>The main indicator is that I know my W and her body. After 3 kids, she's had trouble loosing weight. The back ground is typical of housing at my base. The name of the dishwasher, the layout of the sink, the floor, her facial expression is one that I have a picture of, so I am 99% sure.<P>2. If so, am I sure this happened when I was married to her?<P>Yes. I think probably 2-3 years ago when her hair was short. I was also probably during a time that we where going through tough times.<P>3. If the above are true, and she denies it....can I live with not knowing the truth, and write it off as past history?<P>I have to. I have too much stock in my marriage and my children. I couldn't leave her. I really do still love. The thing is, if she could tell me the truth, then I could forgive her sooner. It would also restore my faith and trust in her.... But I told her that I would drop the subject, I can't fix anything from her....I can mearly plant a seed for her to grow on.<P>4. If I can't live without knowing (I couldn't), what is my strategy now? In order to confront her, you need to be in place, in person, long enough to get the truth and then repair the breach before you separate again. Does your branch have any sort of compassion leave? Could you step up your reassignment due in three months? Are you returning to that base where she is now? <P>If things get too worse, I could apply for an early release from this assignment, but it's very unlikely. We do have a emergency leave policy that the Red Cross would pay for my trip to the states, but not to where I live, just the port of entry....By the way, I am now seeing the chaplin to gain strength from the shock.. I still haven't slept in 2 days, and could keep anything down all day today...But I have alot of supportive friends, to include yourselves to talk to.<P>Frankly, the alarm bell than went off in my head reading your story was that she chose to stay at that base (where the photo was taken?)and away from you for 9 months. I assume she had reasons relating to your kids and school, but it also would raise suspicions in my mind over whether there was a relationship at that base that was keeping her there.<P>Mine also. Originally she agreed that I put in for base A when I was to return. (not the one she is at) Then as time went by before I came back on mid tour vacation (and things where great by the way) W wanted me to see if I could get back to where W is now, which is where I came from. In the interum, I got a real good assignment to base B now and it's absolutely beautiful, abd everybody has told her so, but she is not happy about leaving. So, yes the suspicion is there, that it is still going on. She told me that doors where opeing up for her where W is at, and that was the reason. But that's one reason to stay and 25 to leave. So, I guess I'm not gulible anymore....Light bulb on!!!!!<P>Her reaction is also disturbing. If someone told me there was a naked photo that looked just like me on the internet, I think I'd want to see it, just for laughs, at least.<P>Me too, but just like I told JL, I think that she is having a problem with the guilt and doesn't want to rekindle what happened...<P>Mike<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Mike C2 (edited July 11, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

US-GI,<P>You sound as if you have your head screwed on straight. Have some patience with this situation, it may be a old one or an ongoing one as you said, but patience is really required. You have made a very smart move by going to the chaplin.<P>He is someone you can talk to and can probably give you very good advice. Keep coming here and posting you will be amazed at what you learn and what people can and do recover from.<P>Your doing good.<P>JL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by US-GI:<BR><B>So, yes the suspicion is there, that it is still going on. She told me that doors where opeing up for her where W is at, and that was the reason. But that's one reason to stay and 25 to leave. So, I guess I'm not gulible anymore....Light bulb on!!!!! </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Does this suspicion have a suspect? I mean, is there an OM "friend" that she hangs around?<P>I would assume that the Army might be a system where your concerns would give you some leverage in certain situations. <P>

The main reason I do not post my photo anywhere on the Internet is that it is very easy to doctor photographs.<P>If you have a copy of Photoshop and a reasonable amount of expertise with it, you can do anything with a photograph -- including put one person's head on another person's body.<P>Is there any possibility that this is what has occurred?<P>It seems to me that you need to create a situation in which your W will feel safe telling you the truth -- whatever that truth is. The question is, can you handle the truth? If she did somehow get in a compromising situation, can you deal with it? Are you prepared to heal and repair your marriage? Get a grip on how you want to go before proceeding.<P>It's also entirely possible that someone with a photo of your wife is playing games, in which case it's something you need to fight together.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mike C2:<BR>[B] Does this suspicion have a suspect? I mean, is there an OM "friend" that she hangs around?<P>I would assume that the Army might be a system where your concerns would give you some leverage in certain situations. <P>P.S.: Look on the bright side. If that is a photo of her, your W is madder than a wet hen at whoever took it and posted it on the web!<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Just Learning:<BR><B>US-GI,<P>You sound as if you have your head screwed on straight. Have some patience with this situation, it may be a old one or an ongoing one as you said, but patience is really required. You have made a very smart move by going to the chaplin.<P>He is someone you can talk to and can probably give you very good advice. Keep coming here and posting you will be amazed at what you learn and what people can and do recover from.<P>Your doing good.<P>JL</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I talked to her last night and she was very positive in the fact that she is committed to making our marriage work. That's a good sign to me. Still I have to work through this tramatic experience enough. I sent her and email to tell her that if she did this, I could forgive her. But what is important to me is that she tell me what was on her mind when she did it. <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike C2:<BR>Does this suspicion have a suspect? I mean, is there an OM "friend" that she hangs around?<BR><B> Unfortunately, there is a few suspects, pretty much, any guy she knows. I'll be doing my own investigation when I get back. This is also something weird that she told me. She told me that she is stronger than she ever thought she was, and now knows that she can "handle" anything...??!!!!<P>I would assume that the Army might be a system where your concerns would give you some leverage in certain situations. <P>[B] Legally, it does give me very much leverage. And I think that becasue I have this picture she is more willing to talk than ever. I noticed a significant change in her attittude last night when I called, which didn't sound like a girl that was insulted by me accusing her of doing this and it being on the internet.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><p>[This message has been edited by US-GI (edited July 11, 2000).]

Sir, are there any friends/neighbors you would be somewhat comfortable asking about the comings and goings at your house while you were gone? My H has been military for 14 years and I've seen military spouses do some fairly obvious (and not so obvious) cheating with and without their spouse being gone. The worst case I heard of was a wife who actually moved her civilian boyfriend/family friend INTO their base house while the husband was in Thailand for 6 months! I'm not saying cheating is always the case, but you have enough suspicions to come here, so... It's worth educating yourself of the signs and then checking around. I find it suspicious that your wife does not want to accompany you to a base--not a good sign for the marriage with or without adultery. So sorry. Good luck!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by US-GI:<BR><B>This is also something weird that she told me. She told me that she is stronger than she ever thought she was, and now knows that she can "handle" anything...??!!!!</B><P>Hmmm...that can be interpreted a number of ways. Perhaps she knows that she is busted, and that is a sign that she wants the truth to come out with you. I guess the followup question would be "What made you stronger?"<P>That comment just dropped out of the air from her? That's odd.<P><B> Legally, it does give me very much leverage. And I think that because I have this picture she is more willing to talk than ever. I noticed a significant change in her attittude last night when I called, which didn't sound like a girl that was insulted by me accusing her of doing this and it being on the internet.</B><P>Well, it could be that your best play here is to stay cool, but sort of let her know that you are not a fool and that you know what you saw. It sounds like the situation is getting to her. You may just get a phone call one day where she blurts out the truth....hopefully an innocuous, past situation that you can live with.<P>I hope so.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jenny:<BR><B>Sir, are there any friends/neighbors you would be somewhat comfortable asking about the comings and goings at your house while you were gone? My H has been military for 14 years and I've seen military spouses do some fairly obvious (and not so obvious) cheating with and without their spouse being gone. The worst case I heard of was a wife who actually moved her civilian boyfriend/family friend INTO their base house while the husband was in Thailand for 6 months! I'm not saying cheating is always the case, but you have enough suspicions to come here, so... It's worth educating yourself of the signs and then checking around. I find it suspicious that your wife does not want to accompany you to a base--not a good sign for the marriage with or without adultery. So sorry. Good luck!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks Jenny, I must not have said that right. She is comming with me to my next base, but she doesn't want to move from where we are at. Call it moving anxiety, or the fact that she likes the oportunity of the city we are at. I may have some friends that would do that, but it would a difficult thing to address to them. I will think about it but I don't think as things are going now, that she is still doing that. I think the guilt was too much. W mentioned that she was a stronger person than she realized through our difficulties.<BR>The other thing is that she assured me that she is committed to the marriage, so we are on the road.<BR>As far as the signs, I was too stupid to realize that this could happen because of the way she is with me taking pictures of her. I will do a better job in the future. I have been in for 15 years, so I know what you are talking about. Where I am now doesn't give females a good rep, but there are less, and more impressionable.<BR>The Chaplin on base is really helping me, so with GODS blessing, I'm on the road to recovery.....Thanks...<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mike C2:<BR><B>[QUOTE]Originally posted by US-GI:<BR>This is also something weird that she told me. She told me that she is stronger than she ever thought she was, and now knows that she can "handle" anything...??!!!!</B><P>Hmmm...that can be interpreted a number of ways. Perhaps she knows that she is busted, and that is a sign that she wants the truth to come out with you. I guess the followup question would be "What made you stronger?"<P>That comment just dropped out of the air from her? That's odd.<P><B> Legally, it does give me very much leverage. And I think that because I have this picture she is more willing to talk than ever. I noticed a significant change in her attittude last night when I called, which didn't sound like a girl that was insulted by me accusing her of doing this and it being on the internet.</B><P>Well, it could be that your best play here is to stay cool, but sort of let her know that you are not a fool and that you know what you saw. It sounds like the situation is getting to her. You may just get a phone call one day where she blurts out the truth....hopefully an innocuous, past situation that you can live with.<P>I hope so.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, Mike. She does say things like that sometimes that has multiple meanings. I often have to ask her what she means by what she says. I think what she was saying was that what W went through with me being the way I was in our marriage (not paying attention to her, not listening to her, and not being there for her) is what she is talking about. I don't know if I want her to tell me, but I think the leverage that I have with her now is that she was so spooked by the situation she couldn't do it again. She did tell me one time in an argument that I made her so mad that she would have gone to bed with the first person that asked. I asked her if she did, but the response was redirected. I think that W wanted to tell me then to "get" me, but stopped short.<BR>As far as getting a phone call from her, she won't call me here. She says that she talks to me enough when I call.. Anyway, that may be the case. But I think she still knows that it is bothering me so, we will see.<P>Thanks for the input. I think I'm on the road to recovery, so lets hope...<P>