Silvress,<BR>I'm just wondering how you are doing since I haven't heard from you last couple days...<P>Confused33,<BR>You haven't posted for awhile either... I wonder where you are...<P>I hope you are doing well. I'm thinking about you...<BR>Amy

I'm ok...thanks for thinking about me. I looked at this site yesterday but didn't read or post anything. I've been on a serious job hunt and busy with the kids. Nothing new here...other than I think I hate my husband. We haven't gone to counseling yet and I think until we do things are going to be about the same. <P>I find myself in the worst of moods and we don't really talk much. My kids spent the night with their grandparents last night, h went to the basement to watch tv. I lurked around upstairs for awhile and then took a long drive. <P>I don't even think he knew I left. I came home and took a shower and by the time I was out of the shower he was in bed sleeping. He tried to have sex last night but I pretended to be in a deep sleep and was unresponsive. I feel like I don't care anymore. If he liked that street trash and put me through hell all those months and now I'm supposed to hide my hurt and meet his every need I will never make it. I'm just going to concentrate on myself and finding a career I like and whatever happens happens.<P>Didn't mean to load that all on you....How are things going with you??

I guess I'm about the same...<BR>Trying to find a new job, concentrating on myself. A wk ago or so my H decided to stay which was good, so I expected things get better dramatically. Silly me, that never happened. My H is still withdrawn and doesn't talk much about anything. I'm just biting my tongue whenever he goes out. I get impatient once a while but trying not to do anything. (Although I'm going to have STD test for myself today. I'm wondering how I explain that to him.) I perfectly understand how you started hating him. It's so hard not to, when H doesn't do anything for BS or relationship. I found I'm losing interest in him and started hating him. I feel more pain whenever I feel hope or expectaion, so we're trying to protect ourselves. It's natural. Yet we are making a progress that way, finding things to do, not thinking so much about WSs. I just hope our Hs get over their problems pretty soon...<P>It was nice to talk to you. I just wanted to say hi. Whenever you feel like it, please come back and let me know...

I felt soooooo bad about my post I had to come back. I know we are supposed to help each other and I really sound negative. It's just a crazy thing. I know that I still love my husband but I guess because he's not groveling at my feet apologizing daily I am upset. I just don't want to be looked at as a doormat that you can do anything to and I'll get over it. <P>Maybe once I return to the workforce and get out of the house some I will be able to think about something other than this.<P>Being unable to trust your husband is a bad thing. I think I am more dissapointed than anything and my feelings are hurt because he allowed me to hurt. He just stuck a knife in my back and I feel like he betrayed the children to. Time spent with her could have been time spent with us. <BR>Thanks again for checking on me..I hope silvress will respond too.

Dear confused33,<BR>Please don't feel bad, it's kinda strange but anything on this board both positive and negative help me a lot. I suppose good things and bad things both go through my head all the time and it's nice to hear somebody else feels the same. It is a crazy thing but at least I'm not the only one! I know we still love our H, that's why we're hurting, and that's why we're trying. Let's try to hang in there, hope we'll see better days soon...<P>Silvress,<BR>I'd love to hear from you but I didn't mean to push you, whenever you're ready...<P>I'm praying for all of us...<BR>Amy