Well, my H has found a house to rent, paid the deposit and the first month's rent- lease started on the 8th. I know about the OW (confirmed very recently). He does not yet know I know. He is probably still talking to her on cell phone, but I'm pretty sure has not seen her in a while. Question is- if he is leaving to be with OW, why is he not in a hurry? He is planning to move out in the next week or 2. Has not packed anything, etc. Even more strange, he is suddenly telling me I look nice, complimenting me on meals,complimenting the renovations that I've been doing on the house(which has been going on for almost a year now and he hasn't been involved or even seemed to notice what was being done), is once again very involved with the kids (picking them up from day care, taking our son shopping for a new bike, tucking them in at bedtime, being home at bedtime, telling me where he's going and when he'll be back). He has been so depressed and withdrawn for the last 2 or 3 months, that all of the above were not happening. I have been trying to Plan A for a long time, but he just didn't seem to notice...until the last couple of weeks. He has also been asking about my feelings about things. I've told him that I want to work on our marriage, want us to be happy again. I keep hinting about the affair, hoping he will tell me, but that hasn't happened yet- don't know if it will. Just don't understand his behavior. If he's so unhappy, and has found a place to live, why is he still here and is not really making preparations to move? Why wait 2 or 3 weeks after he paid the rent? Why suddenly notice that the kids and I are here? Why increase his involvement in the family? Does this make sense to anyone? Is this normal or common?

I think this is absolutely normal. It sounds as though your H is very confused. Continue to Plan A. Though you may not think so it sounds as though it's working. Don't push on his moving out. Don't ask why he hasn't. Just let him do it when he's ready.<P>I think if he does decide to move out you might want to consider Plan B. I don't know if you've confronted him about the A...it sounds like you haven't. But you might want to think about it so he is aware of your pain and the decisions you are now faced with. Maybe your H is waiting for some shred of light to shine on him and show him what you and he have.<P>One day at a time. Keep your head up. Stay confident. You have a lot to offer. Much more than OW. I wish you luck! LSM

Lostsoulmate...<BR>Thanks for your reply. I may have spoken too soon about his lack of preparation. He went shopping last night and bought some stuff for his new place. He wants to tell the kids first, and take them to see his house before he moves anything in. No definite plans for when this discussion will occur. I'm Plan Aing away. He is much more involved with the kids and has been in a good mood. He asked about the utilities...if I think he can get a phone and the power turned on etc. if we don't change everything out of his name here. Is this a good sign that maybe he doesn't think this will be permanent, or am I grasping at straws? He did tell me that he signed a 1 year lease, but he was quick to point out that he can get out of it with 30 days notice. I just don't understand his behavior. It seems to me that if he loves OW, he would be very anxious to get out of here so he won't have to lie and sneak around to talk to her or be with her?????

Cloudy,<P>It seems to me that there is another possibility. The affair is winding down, but he feels such guilt that he doesn't feel he should be at home. <P>It would seem that he isn't in that much of a fog right now, so I think this is a good thing. It also may be the depression making him do this. He may be feeling that he deserves to lose his family for what he has done and is doing.<P>Keep up the Plan A. I don't know if you have done this, but approach this as an illness that the patient doesn't want to talk about. In fact the depression may very be just that situation. If he seems down on a given day, ask him if he is alright, he seems unusually quiet today.<P>Talk with him about your observations but in a neutral and concerned fashion. It is Plan A all of the way. If he does move out, I would still stay in Plan A. Plan B is for when you feel you are rapidly losing love for him. It is not to get him back per se'. <P>It seems to me your Plan A is working so keep it up. You haven't lost your H and from the signs of it, I think you will get him back.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

JL-<BR>Thank you for yourr insight. I too have been wondering if the affair is winding down. However, I believed that if this happened, he would want too commit to our marriage. I will just have to be patient. In the meantime,he is more pleasant to be around, I like him more than I have in a while, we are actually communicating, and the kids are enjoying him also. I'm afraid that he and the OW have maybe taken a "break" or something- I don't think he is seeing her, but not going through the depression that I would anticipate if it were truly over. I also think he is too proud to not move out at this point. He has even said he may be making the biggest mistake of his life, but still says he's leaving. This is sooo hard. Thanks for your support.