I am tired of this emotional roller coaster! I generally stay up for about 3 days, then I come crashing down for about 2. I feel like I should be able to move past this by now, but then I realize that it's only been a month since dday. I know it takes time to recover, but can anyone tell me what I might be in for and if it's worth it? We have been married for 19 years, have 2 teenage daughters, are facing a move (in the same town), H still works with OW, no one else knows, etc. H is a different person since he told me--he seemed to be in such a state of despair, for several weeks. I truly didn't know what was wrong and ached for him so badly. I wanted him to be happy again. Well, he seems happy now, since I haven't booted him out, but now I don't know from one day to the next what I am going to be feeling. Am I doing the right thing? (I know every situation is different, but would like some opinions.)

Yes you are in for an emotionaly rollar coaster. It has only been 30 days so you still are raw from everything. They say it takes about 2 years to really start to heal from this and from my own experience I have notice this to be true. I still think about almost daily, but not in an angry I want to hurt him kinda way. Some recover quicker than others. Some ays I would be happy or should I say some seconds I would be happy and then the next feel so depressed that I felt like I had a continual black cloud over me. H never wanted to talk about it, never thought it would do any good and I would just use it to hate him. We went to counseling and luckily we had a good counselor that made us open up and communicate to one another. Things have improved and it's not so much of a "surface relationship". Meaning before we never really talked about important issues concerning us, feelings or just plain ole communication, but now things are improving and I am thankful. I still feel scared at times that I am setting myself up for failure, but the one thing that I keep in mind and for some reason this motto gets me through is "I can't control husbands actions or how he responds to me, I can only control my own actions and responses". So at times when I think of doing something sweet for my husband and then a bad memory pops into mind, I remember that motto and go ahead and do the sweet thing. It is up to him to do with it what he will. hope that helps just alittle.

Erika, the first month was the hardest. Just like you, I would be up for a couple of days and then come crashing down. This last time, it took two weeks. I have just finished month 2 after d-day. I notice that my down time is shorter and the length between them is longer. But now when I crash it seems even worse because I think things are getting better and I learn he doesn't feel the same. Hang in there. It has to get better. It can't get much worse.

I feel exactly the same. It has also been just over a month for me. Some days I feel proud to be my H wife and others I want to crawl into a hole and never come back.<P>I'll literally be laughing one minute at work and sobbing the next. My weight is plummeting, my headaches increasing, so on and so on.<P>I'm also told it takes about 1 to 3 years to recover just from an A. So what does that mean for recovery from the OC? Just take one day at a time. Concentrate on getting through that day. But be good to yourself during this time. Change your hairstyle. Buy a dressed to kill outfit. Pamper yourself. KNOW that if things don't work out you have so much love to offer someone who would be proud to love you the same in return. <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate

Only one month into recovery and you are normal. It's been roughly 2 and a half months for me and I'm only just starting to get off the roller coaster. Some days are wonderful, but others, well, I seem to get more sad about what brought us to this situaion rather than angry about my husband's actions. You need to ride this roller coaster though, and get the feelings out that you need to get out. It's important you find someone you trust or a professional to help you as well. Read books! Read Dr. Harley's books. One book I found wonderful,(not by Dr. Harley mind you) which my husband is currently reading is "After the Affair" by Janis Spring PhD. Treat yourself to something wonderful. I buy myself sexy lingerie - makes me feel good. <BR>This is such a difficult time, but take comfort in the knowledge that there are others (like us) who KNOW what you are going through. Keep active on this site too - I find immense strength and support here. I also feel I am growing by being able to help others.<BR>God Bless.

I'm also told it takes about 1 to 3 years to recover just from an A. So what does that mean for recovery from the OC? Just take one day at a time. <P>I am still learning these abbreviations! What is OC? <P>Thanks to everyone for their help and encouragement. Luckily, H is more than willing to work things out. Also, OW may have found another job! That should help my emotions immensely, as she will not be answering the phone everytime I call.