First a little history- I'm new to this and have posted only a couple of times, though have been reading a lot. We've been married 11 years- 2 kids 10yod, 6yos. Also- he has 3 kids from a previous marraige. He is 44, I'm the dreaded 40.<BR>Anyway, I've known about his affair for about 2-3 weeks, have been suspicious about 1 1/2 yrs. I think it's been going on almost 2 yrs. Anyway, he has found a house to rent, has been talking about moving out for about 6 mths. I've been Plan Aing since I first had suspicions, though I didn't know the name until recently. Anyway, I've been avoiding the confrontation since I found out-so he does not know that I know. He has only very recently began noticing (or commenting on anyway) my Plan A attempts. We have been communicating more that we have in years. I knew I would have to confront him, planning on doing it before he moves out- at this point, still don't know when that will be. He has paid the rent( starting on 7/8), has been shopping for stuff for his new place once, but has not even started packing or even going through his stuff. We've been in the same house for all of our marriage- he has stuff everywhere, not to mention that he has a shop outside full of stuff. We've talked about divorce- both have been to an attorney for advice. Nobody has filed and we decided (H decided)that he would move out and make sure that is what he wanted before we did anything binding.<BR>Sorry this is so long. Anyway, I got a note in my mailbox this morning (today is Sunday-no mail-this was just a folded note with no envelope)telling me he was having an affair and that I deserved to know. Apparently from a friend of hers. It says that she has no real intention of leaving her husband, though is telling my H otherwise. He is not home right now- as soon as he gets here, I will show him the note and confront him. I have been dreading this conversation. We have been doing so much better- he's paying attention to the kids and to me, has been careful to tell me where he's going and when he'll be back. The strange cell phone behavior ( carrying the thing around with him in the house) has disappeared. I really do not think that he's seeing her right now. But, if he's not then why still move out? But if he's moving, especially if it's to be with her, why is it taking so long?<BR>Anyway, this waiting is sooooo hard. Wish me luck today. I hope I can handle this discussion without making a total fool of myself.

i'm so sorry you're going thru this. i don't really know what to tell you - i just wanted you to know someone was listening you should post on the general questions board - you'll get more response there. all i can tell you is a little about my situation, and maybe that will help. it started w/suspicious behavior which led to me snooping and finding a receipt from a restaurant when my h was supposed to be at a business meeting. he claimed he had dinner with this woman because she needed a friend to talk to and he knew i wouldn't understand! i was 7 mo pregnant & he didn't want to upset me - ha ha. anyway, from that point on, he claimed they were "just friends" and that she was having marital problems (big red flag). i told him that he should not have female friends outside our marriage, and that because she was having marital problems that she was very vulnerable and that was very dangerous. he didn't believe me and continued being "friends" with her anyway. from that point on, i started checking everything - went thru his wallet, briefcase, truck, our credit card bills and cell phone bills. her husband called me 2 weeks after i had the baby and he just knew they were having an affair. but he sounded a little bit crazy and did not have any proof. but then he called to tell me she moved out and told me where she lived. i found my h at her apartment a few weeks later, and he still denied it but she ended up telling me the truth. i wanted to make things work - he said he did too and that the affair was over. this was march 29th, and on july 1st, i found out (again from the ow) that the affair never ended! however, there is some hope here - i do know by my h's actions that it really is over this time. i had my suspicions after initial discovery that it was still going on, and i was right. he would tell me he wanted to make things work, yet he wasn't willing to do anything such as go to therapy, talk about it, etc. now he is answering all of my questions, we're going to therapy and i just know that i have him back! anyway, hang in there - it's definitely a roller coaster ride. i know in my case ow wanted to be with my husband - i know that's why she moved out. i know my h planned on being w/her at some point, but i believe by me staying w/him that he realized he was living in a fantasy world. he realized what he was throwing away and that he didn't love her at all. also, i must warn you to be careful dealing w/whoever left the note in your mailbox. when other people start getting involved, it just gets more complicated. everybody starts telling lies, and it becomes extremely difficult to figure out what the truth is. in my case, the ow seemed so honest, since she was the one who told me about the affair. we had many conversations, and i know this sounds wierd, but she seemed like a really nice person. so i tended to believe her because my h wouldn't even talk to me about it. but i think in reality she just told me things in hopes that i would leave him so she could have him! so be very careful of ow and her friends - you never know what they're up to! good luck & keep posting

cac-<BR>Thank you for your response. It is comforting to know ther are poeple out there that will listen. Our situations sound very similar. I have become a snooping fanatic. But I've found very little- mainly only the cell phone bill. Anyway, I am concerned about whoever left the letter in the mailbox. I'll be careful.<BR>Do you know if I can move this post to General Questions or do I have to do it over?<BR>I'll let you know how this afternoon goes. He is home- I told him we need to talk- we have company right now, so I guess it will wait awhile longer. Best wishes to you and your H. I'll be praying for you.

cloudy,<P>i'm not sure how to get this over to the other board. i'm not very knowledgable about this internet stuff! i did the same thing, and i think i just re-typed mine. i'm sure there's a way to do it, but i don't know how - sorry. i am anxious to hear how your talk went. thanks for keeping me in your prayers - i need it. i will keep you in mine as well. again, let me know how it goes!<P>cac