I haven't been posting for a while. I just got caught up in anger and depression. It's been three months now since d day and I am still on a rollercoaster. I finally went to counseling for myself. My husband asked me the night before was he supposed to go with me and I told him the counseling was for me. I was very angry that day but I still hate the fact that he is waiting for me to make an appointment to go. I know if I make the appointment he will find a way to wiggle out of it. He still thinks that saying I love you and I don't want to lose my family is enough to mend everything.<P>The counselor suggested a book called "After The Affair" by Janice Abrahms Spring. It is very good in that it states clearly that no one can make you have an affair and it lets me know I am not crazy to feel the way I do.<P>I suggest that everyone read it. I love the Harley books but I've found that it makes me feel like I'm running around kissing up to my husband and I am the one that got hurt in all this. <P>Annc and Alien and all of my other buddies out there, let me know how you're doing. I'm still trying to hang on through this horrible ordeal. It cuts like a knife!

Recovery is a roller coaster ride....and if your spouse isn't fully "on board" with you it complicates it. Continue in counseling...I believe it will help and very possibly end up helping your husband to join you more fully in the process.<P>I read After the Affair also and found some wonderful information in it. The list of physiological effects on the wounded spouse had me in tears as I realized I wasn't going crazy after all....I was normal! It came at a much needed time.<P>I encourage you to also read Torn Asunder by Dave Carder....it is my personal favorite on the subject of recovery. It is available online at Amazon.com if you don't want to look in a bookstore, but I never found it in my public library.<P>Hang on.....you can make this journey and come out whole.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31<P>

After the Affair was the first book I read and my husband is currently reading it.<BR>Highly recommend it!

Confused33,<BR>Am I glad to see your name here!<BR>I know what you mean, day by day,<BR>hour by hour, I don't know how I'm going to feel like.<P>I posted my update re last weekend in "feeling sad and mad" in GQ, Annc was there. And today, I'm a little mad again, my H sounds so similar to yours! Won't go to counseling, avoids spending time w/me, not doing anything for us, just hanging around, he just isn't giving up much of what he wants, even under this situation. Does he think if he doesn't see the OW, everybody should shut up about it? He's a plain jerk, I have to say. (That question again... why should I stay?)<P>He was even mad at our friends who's been mad at him and the OW. The friends were all furious about the OW showing up at my H's v-ball game, and H was really uncomfortable and p-ed off at everybody (including the OW, that's good, I guess) Well, guess what, you caused the whole thing! I wanted to say it loud but I didn't.<P>I'm reading "His Needs, Her Needs", just ordered "Love must be tough", thinking about buying "Light his fire" but I really should get "After the Affair". So many to read but so little time...<P>My H is home. See ya!

ok another sleepless night for me I guess. My husband says he has no problem going to counseling, he's just waiting for me to make the appointment......I just don't understand why I am making the appointment??? I think I am going to call tomorrow and just get it over with.<P>Tonight we were riding home from my son's baseball game and a song came on the radio that just reminded me of the whole time I was accusing him and he was denying it. I got sooooo mad all over again and I felt physically sick. I thought I was getting better but I hear songs from during that time especially love songs and I start wondering if it was there song etc.<P>I wish I could just turn my mind off. I know that I have 14 years with this man but for some reason I feel like they made a lot of memories with each other and I equate everything to them being together. I refused anti-depressants but maybe I need something so I don't totally lose my mind.<P>Lately my biggest fear has been that I totally recommit to my marriage and give him another try and he pulls this stuff again but this time decides he's leaving me and I just wasted all this time....ok ok I'm rambling....I suddenly feel really old (I just made 34) and lonely....<BR>My friends tell me that at least he's saying he loves only you and wants only you but that really doesn't help when I think that just three months ago he was sleeping with this woman and with me at the same time. How do you treat a person you love and want to be with forever like that? Ok guys going to sleep now....had to vent somewhere....thank God there are people here who understand what this feels like...<BR>t

Thanks for the sugestion on the book.<BR>I think reading many books helps us all look at things alittle diferently.<BR>I just finished "Affairs" by Emily Brown ,a working guide to the repercussions of infidelity. My H is now reading it.<BR>I read as often as I can to help me gain insight on what happened, how it happened, and to try and understand MYSELF. I guess this is called"growing". I hope it will help me in whatever decisions I must make.<BR>For so long I have been reading books on saving the marriage, even though my H at this point doesn't appear to want to really commit on doing that. So now I think I must read more on the aftermath of an affair, and learn how to deal with it and move on.<BR>I don't want to become a bitter ex-wife. If I do become an ex.

I have a bunch of good books listed on my website. Another good one to understand what happens in an affair is "Private Lies" by Frank Pittman. Check my website below.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Just a reminder of some good ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000025.html" TARGET=_blank>Books</A>!<P>and as far as some reviews...<BR><B>Book Reviews/Comments:</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/007137.html" TARGET=_blank>Private Lies</A>…..mickey65….9/7/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010911.html" TARGET=_blank>Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus</A>…..Hummingbird….12/16/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010263.html" TARGET=_blank>Readers of "Love Must be Tough" - Please Reply</A>…..Roll Me Away….12/1/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000130.html" TARGET=_blank>'After the Affair' by Janis Abrahms Spring</A>…..loving hubby….2/13/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000437.html" TARGET=_blank>"Torn Asunder"</A>…..LadyK….4/17/2000<P> <P>Jim<BR>

Hi, Confused,<BR>Thank you for the recommendation - my counselor recommended it, too; I need to go get it. I am currently reading a book that JL recommended, "Men Made Easy" by Kara Oh. It is good in that it is giving me insight and understanding about men and how they think, etc. <BR>Yes, the rollercoaster continues, but I think I am finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel, so hang in there - if my H who never talks can come around, I bet given time,so will your H. My H is finally starting to discuss some things and says he wants our m - sent the "end it" letter to OW, so I hope she is FINALLY out of the picture...<BR>Keep us posted, and know that I am praying for you. Take care,<BR>A