I have read the posts of everyone and although I can certainly relate to the pain that you are all going through i.e. the sleeplessness, loss of appetite, constant sense of panic, nagging doubts and endless suspicions... I am unable to offer any suggestions for getting over it.<BR> <BR>I do have a question that I have been unable to find the answer to anywhere on this site. Perhaps I have failed to look in the right place.<P>Why is it that men are so bored with and unattracted to spouses who are loyal, dependable, faithful, protective and romantic? Yet they agonize over, obsess about and desperately love and worship women who have lied to, betrayed and humiliated them?<P>I am beginning to think that in order to keep the attention of my H, I need to get a pager, start sneaking around, lying, and just generally acting as though I dont give a $%^* about our relationship.<P>Is there always 1 person who tries to make a relationship work and 1 person who tries to ruin it by resisting all the efforts of the one who tries to make everything perfect?<P>Can anyone offer some insight? AnnC please forgive me for interrupting your fascinating account without managing to offer you the slightest bit of good advice or comfort.<P><BR>

Runner,<BR>Glad you jumped in!! I would love to know the answer to your question, also. I guess they think the grass is greener... maybe because there is no mystery about Ol'spouses, the excitement of sneaking around, -- I haven't a clue!! But, I do know he probably wouldn't be able to trust her - more fun to "play" with than to marry - I don't know...plus they feed their egos! And, OW think H's are "perfect" - haven't known him long enough. Ha! Haven't been fussed at, nagged at, etc. Don't mean to paint a bad pic of my H, but you know what I mean - they haven't really dealt with reality. <BR>Will look for your posts...<BR>Be back in touch... take care, A

I don't know. I used to think that my H was perfect except for his not wanting kids thing. Apparently I was wrong. He was hiding all kinds of imperfect qualities. I get the impression that the OW thinks he is perfect. After all, the reason her first marriage didn't work out was because her H wasn't like mine. What a delusion. Her H cheated on her too. It seems like they have a lot in common.