Hi everybody. This message board has been a great comofort to me. I'm very new to this and am very interested in receving opinions about my situation. I've been married for 5 years. Six weeks ago my husband told me he wasn't happy and didn't know what he wanted. He asked for a divorce and swore to me that there was no one else (I had asked). I was devastated. As far as I was concern things between us weren't "bad", but I realize now that they weren't great. We agreed to work on things, talked about conseling but two weeks later he told me that it wouldn't work. The emotional roller coaster haven't stopped since. This past Monday, he finally told me that there is someone else, that he was in love with her. He told me that I didn't listen to him, wasn't there for him and she was. He gave me the song and dance about not being sure that he ever loved me, etc. The saddest part is that there are children involved. I have one daughter from a previous involvement and he has three (two of them live with us). The two children who live with us, age 10 & 11, both want to live with me. He's agreed to that. We're suppose to be working on an agreement to avoid going to court. I know he loves them and that this is hard for him. Since he told me about the affair, he no longers has to hide his involvement, he tells me he's going for a ride and I know he's going to her. It's killing me inside. How do you let go? I can't believe that I still love him but I do. We can barely talk and when we do, everything is so strained. Is there even a chance that this could work out. For those of you who went through this, what made you stay or leave? Please any thoughts would be helpful.

Welcome <B>Net</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You are still very early in all of this...<BR>...put your thoughts of "When is it over?" out of your mind...<P>And get going on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> immediately.<P>Read all you can here (starting at my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A>)<P>Get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> and read it!<P>And most of all...<BR>...stay here and post/read/reply!<P><B>You are not alone</B>.<P> <P>Jim

Thank you Jim. Any advice on how to initiate plan A. It doesn't seem like he wants to be anywhere near me and whenever we talk, normally about the kids, we're both so defensive. Is that normal? I'm terrified that he'll reject my attempts.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Net:<BR><B>Thank you Jim. Any advice on how to initiate plan A.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Click on the Plan A link in Jim's reply. It'll take you to the info Dr. Harley puts out about Plan A. There's good info there and it'll take some time to sift through it all, but there will be something somewhere that will guide you. Read all you can. Jim, maybe a link to your Plan A 101 thread?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>It doesn't seem like he wants to be anywhere near me and whenever we talk, normally about the kids, we're both so defensive. Is that normal? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, it's not normal, but it's so very typical of those in your situation. Of course he's defensive - he's done something to hurt you badly and he feels guilty about it.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I'm terrified that he'll reject my attempts. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You're certainly not alone in your fears. Most of us who have been betrayed fear the same thing. He will probably reject many of your attempts. Try not to expect much, especially at first. Plan A with much patience will help. There is a guarantee: if, after the sincere application of Plan A you are not satisfied with the results, you can have your old marriage back. <P>Best of luck to you. You've got a chance to do something great here.<P>Slightly Sane<BR><p>[This message has been edited by o2bsane (edited July 31, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I have one daughter from a previous involvement and he has three<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Previous relationships or previous affairs?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Thank you for the advice. I'm suppose to sit down and talk to him tonight. I'll try initiating plan A. I'm willing to try anything at this point. My daughter is from a previous relationship, no affair. This is my first marriage and I had firmly believed that this was it. I've never been tempted to stray from my marriage. In reading the information on this site, I realize that things weren't going as well as I wanted to believe. Our relationship wasn't supportive of each other and I had truly (though not wisely)thought that there would be time for us to have an us once the kids were grown and didn't need me as much. I don't know if our talk tonight will accomplish anything. I'm hoping/praying for a positive outcome. <P>Please keep up the advice. There's such comfort in knowing that there is support here. Thank you and God bless.