How do and will I ever get over the resentment I feel toward my husband for having the affair? He knew what this would do to our marriage and he did it anyway. I don't know how to put these feelings aside so we can start to rebuild our relationship. I get so frustrated and confused. Sometimes I feel I'm fighting a loosing battle with myself because he hurt me so badly. I feel as if I will never recover. I'm very depressed about this affair and have tried taking Zoloft for depression and I hated the way I felt while on it. I don't know how to get out of these feelings. I know we need help, but being in Guam our sorces are limited. Can anyone give me some advise?<P>------------------<BR>2nd chance

Second chance,<BR>I don't have an easy answer for you especially since I don't know how long it has been since you learned about the affair.<BR>It has been 3 months for me and there are good days and bad days. I still read a lot of books and articles about affairs trying to find answers and to keep me sane. There were many days that I felt I was losing my sanity only to find out that others feel the same way.<BR>You can find books on Amazon web that are really helpful and many posts here are also good for keeping you on an even keel.<BR>I have days when I am resentful of my husband and I go to an article that gives me help to understand why I am still in my marriage.<BR>Look for posts on other web sites too - some of the titles are very fitting.<BR>Take care and hang in there.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by 2nd chance:<BR><B>How do and will I ever get over the resentment I feel toward my husband for having the affair? He knew what this would do to our marriage and he did it anyway. I don't know how to put these feelings aside so we can start to rebuild our relationship. I get so frustrated and confused. Sometimes I feel I'm fighting a loosing battle with myself because he hurt me so badly. I feel as if I will never recover. I'm very depressed about this affair and have tried taking Zoloft for depression and I hated the way I felt while on it. I don't know how to get out of these feelings. I know we need help, but being in Guam our sorces are limited. Can anyone give me some advise?<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm sorry that I left out some info. D-day was June 22 of this year. He was home from his trip about 2 weeks when I finally picked up on wierd behavior. My H can't hide things very well. He says he thought our marriage was over, so instead of telling me, he had the affair. I don't know what he was thinking, maybe he wanted to end our marriage. When he told me he realised what he almost lost and now he's willing to do everything possible to fixed what he messed up. I'm just having a very hard time getting over the feelings that I have to allow him to deposit love points. My friends that have never had this done to them but who are experts, keep telling me that I shouldn't rush my recovery and I need to heal my broken heart before I worry about us. I'm worrying about us because I don't want him to get tired of waiting on me to get over his affair. I have said some pretty hateful things to my H. Subcounciously I want him to feel my pain, and I know this is wrong. I feel he's getting off of this with no punishment. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I could never bring myself to hurt him, I'm not that type of a person. I just wish that this affair just never happened.<BR>

I'm sorry that I left out some info. D-day was June 22 of this year. He was home from his trip about 2 weeks when I finally picked up on wierd behavior. My H can't hide things very well. He says he thought our marriage was over, so instead of telling me, he had the affair. I don't know what he was thinking, maybe he wanted to end our marriage. When he told me he realised what he almost lost and now he's willing to do everything possible to fixed what he messed up. I'm just having a very hard time getting over the feelings that I have to allow him to deposit love points. My friends that have never had this done to them but who are experts, keep telling me that I shouldn't rush my recovery and I need to heal my broken heart before I worry about us. I'm worrying about us because I don't want him to get tired of waiting on me to get over his affair. I have said some pretty hateful things to my H. Subcounciously I want him to feel my pain, and I know this is wrong. I feel he's getting off of this with no punishment. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I could never bring myself to hurt him, I'm not that type of a person. I just wish that this affair just never happened.<BR>

2nd Chance, I am so sorry that you are going through this. My H, too, thought our marriage was over and decided to have an A. Funny how they don't check with you first to get the real story (although his full PA came after I told him that I still loved him and didn't think the marriage was over, he just didn't believe me).<P>Now, as for you. Counseling is good. Are you two going? Read SAA and any other book you can get your hands on. Do you want this to work out? Do you still love your H? If you are like a lot of us, you do still love your H very much. If the answer to the above questions are yes, than my response to you is to let go. You are going to have to stop any disparaging remarks, you are going to have to find out why your H thought your marriage was over and seek to change those circumstances. For me, my H didn't think I loved him because I wasn't showing him affection. I am changing that and showing him affection now because I do love him and that is what he needs. <P>You must stop crying all the time and saying disparaging remarks to your H. I know that will be difficult. I still struggle with it, although I am pleased to say that my H has not seen me cry in ages.<P>You have the added benefit that your H realizes that he messed up and wants your marriage to work out. This is great! Count your blessings. My H still wants out of the marriage. Together you two can survive this and actually flourish. Work on the SAA emotional needs questionairre at the back of the book. If your H is willing to work on your marriage, then you can really gain a lot of insight. I'm hoping that my H will sit down with me and do that eventually, but I can't force him to do very much right now. I'm lucky he's going to counseling with me.<P>Forgive your H. There are great articles on how to do that. You can do this, and of course, when you are feeling down, you can always hang out here. Good luck. I'll keep you in my prayers.