I'm devastated and haven't known where to turn. I'm hoping this will be the place.<P>The man I'd been seeing for nearly four years (we are both F/A's for a major airline) always told me how much he loved me. He was torn, because he said he loved his wife and family and didn't want to hurt them and I foolishly waited patiently for him. He would occassionally tell me he was getting to the point where he would leave his wife and, when nothing happened, he'd say "please, just a little longer". <P>In the meantime, we'd meet secretly when our overseas flights led us to the same city. We were ALWAYS like two young lovers and it made my head swim. And when we weren't together he'd call several times a week and email me as often.<P>Then, I received a call from him, saying his wife had found out and he needed to "lay low" while the dust settled. He told me this could mean his freedom, but that I had to distance myself in the intervening weeks for my own good. He didn't want me caught up in this.<P>After several MONTHS, I tried calling him, leaving messages on his voice-mail. He never returned my calls! Then, I learned from a mutual aquaintance that he had left his wife and was now living with a woman in another city! And, if that wasn't enough, I learned that - yes, his wife DID discover he was having an affair but it was NOT his affair with me that she had uncovered! <P>I now feel like the most worthless piece of #$%^ when I realize what a fool I have been. I have been depressed for weeks now, crying myself to sleep, only to wake up to cry more. How could I have allowed myself to be so used?!<P>An now, this poor woman he has convinced to believe in him! Yes, he had known her all through his affair with me, while he was having an affair with someone else, while his wife and child waited at home for him.<P>How is this possible!!! Do men like this really exist???<P>What do I do? I feel shattered, broken, rejected, worthless and totally used.<P>I'm crying as I write this. Crying for his wife and child. Crying for myself. Crying for the woman he is with now, because I am convinced he is still carrying on with other women (our network of F/A's have lots of eyes, no matter how secretive you might think you are).<P>Oh, God. The woman he's with now is a doctor! I'm sure her profession makes it so hard to build a real relationship... and he just falls into her lap! He's such a charmer and now, he could ruin her, too!<P>What do I do? Where do I turn? I know I have been wrong and know the pain I have caused. How does it end?

your wrote: "Crying for his wife and child. Crying for myself. Crying for the woman he is with now, because I am convinced he is still carrying on with other women"<BR>I don't mean to be harsh but you were waiting for him to get divorced with his W. As soon as you found out he went for another OW now you feel like this?<P>What do you do now... FIRST you don't try to go out with a married man. Even if he tells you that their marriage is over or he's been miserable, or he doesn't love hiw W anymore... Whatever he would say going out with a married man is wrong!<P>I know you are hurt. The person you believed left you and now is with another woman. and you thought you would be able to be with him as soon as he got divorced with his W.<P>One thing I can suggest is... you should get a professional help(meaning taking a therapy). They will help you to see yourself, what went wrong, etc.<P>take care,<BR>Meg

Welcome <B>ewitacre</B>...<P>My normal welcome wagon message really doesn't apply in your case...<BR>...but I'd like to offer some links to help you....<P>Check out my post and books on "forgiveness"...<BR>...first and foremost... your own...<P>See the sections on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000025.html" TARGET=_blank>Books</A>... and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000038.html" TARGET=_blank>Other Useful Sites</A>.<P>A good starting point for numerous other links of previous posts is at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000013.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A>.<P> <P>Jim

You have learned a harsh lesson; you were made a fool, you were used. You fell for a player, hey it happens quite a bit. If you read here you'll see what people are willing to give up to get that magical feeling of being perpetually in love. I don't know how old you are; but consider it a lesson learned and don't allow yourself to get involved with a married man again. <P>You are actually the lucky one-you are rid of him. His current lover and of course his poor wife still have to deal with him. And remember what goes around comes around-he will get his sometime. <P>But please get some counseling to help you deal with your feelings and the fact that you were willing to settle for this half-relationship for four years.

I'm sorry you are in such pain. I hope that you will be able to overcome the hurt, and grow from this experience. <P>Kathi

I am sorry for all the pain and suffering you are feeling. Now you know what we as wives of this type of man feel, when we find out about the OW's. I am not going to gloat, although it's tempting. Others have said that you are lucky, because he's long gone, and working his "magic" with another. Don't get depressed, get mad, get even, whatever, do not think for a minute he's suffering over your loss, why should you suffer over his? He's no longer worth your time. Get counseling, get anti-depressants if necessary, but pull yourself together, and keep your guard up, because there are others out there like him. Hold your head high and good luck in the future.

Be very thankful that you aren't the one who ended up with him in this scenario. The paper today someone wrote Dear Abby a question about having a relationship with a MM. She didn't get to know this man very well, his wife found out about the A and kicked him out and now this woman was stuck with a loser in her home. If you learn from this situation then the pain will not go to waste. Relationships with MM are a dead end street.