Please listen to my story, someone, and advise me on whether or not I am a fool to believe my husband ever again. I want so much to believe him that my judgement is clouded and I hope that someone out there can wake me up to reality. Am I over reacting???<P>I have been married for 4 years, lived with him for 3 years and dated him throughout HS and college. We are the love of each others lives. We have the same interests and friends. I have always felt that I am meeting all of his needs and he mine. Although he works out of town 4 days per week, I have never had any doubts about his faithfulness to me until Saturday night.<P>I waited for him to call me from his motel, like he does every night. When he had not called by 11:00, I began calling the hotel. Finally at 1:00, I reached his room mate who told me that he was in the shower. The room mate was highly intoxicated and I am unsure if he even knew what he was saying. Unable to reason with him, I was forced to hang up. At 4 a.m. my extremely intoxicated husband called me. He rarely, if ever, drinks so I was very surprised. He said that he had gone to a bar with some of the guys he works with, had too much to drink, walked out to his car to call me on the cell phone and passed out there where he remained until 4 am when he called. I was so upset that he came home early to console me and assure me repeatedly that nothing happened and there is no reason for me to be upset. I feel that if he were really passed out in the car, why would his room mate tell me that he was in the shower? Why did he feel an automatic need to make up something? Is it likely that someone could pass out in a vehicle for several hours? I am not a drinker...Also, I have developed a cold sore today on my mouth and have read that this can be caused by Herpes. Has he been unfaithful and contracted a STD??? Am I just being unreasonable??? I have had fever blisters in the past and have heard that they can recur during extreme stress. Any advice??? Should I just leave?

Runner1,<P>It seems to me you should just calm down abit. You don't know the facts of the situation, in complete detail. However, you do know that your H's roommate was drunk and you know your H was drunk. So they are not lying about that. As to whether he was in the shower or passed out in the car, who cares. They weren't in good shape.<P>Being drunk, while not being real smart, doesn't seem to be a reason to jump to conclusions of affairs, unfaithfulness, and passing along STD's. If he drinks alot and does it often then you two need to address that but you need more information.<P>I would see no reason not to trust you H at this point.<P>Hope this helps,<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Based on the story you have told me, I would have to advise you not to leave. I mean, he could be telling the truth--he may not be. You need to sit down and ask why his friend said that he was in the shower. Tell him that something does not sound right. Now, you must do this calmly. You may want to read up on Love Busters, so you know how to avoid these in confrontations. If your H is not a drinker, he could easily have had too much to drink.<P>What I want to ask you is why have you jumped to the conclusion that your H is possibly having an affair? Is there more that you are not telling us? Have these instances happened in the past?<P>Whatever the case, I advise you to read up on Dr. Harley's material. The "His Needs Her Needs" and the "Give and Take" are very good books that can help provide some ground rules to keep your marriage affair-free. I've also been reading "Fighting for Your Marriage" by Markham. This has been a great book on communication strategies and guidelines.<P>Good luck to you. I'm not an expert at advice, but most people here will recommend Dr. Harley's material. It really does seem to work.

[QUOTE]<BR>What I want to ask you is why have you jumped to the conclusion that your H is possibly having an affair? <P>I have seen many incidents of this nature occur in the lives of my friends. They are always so blind. I always promised myself that I would try to recognize the obvious. I dont want to kid myself.<P>Thank you so much for your view point and for taking the time to reply.<BR>

Runner1,<P>If you H is having an affair getting drunk one night and not calling you would not be the only symptom of the problem. It seems to me you are reading too much into this from what you have said. However, if you really go after your H with unfounded claims, you may well drive him away.<P>It seems to me you need to sit down and calmly explain that you were disappointed that you didn't get a call that night. And you are confused by what his roommate said as opposed to what he said. Let him answer the question for you. Be honest with him but no love busters. <P>Do you know what those are? If not go to the "Just Found Out" section and look up NSR's general greeting. He has bookmarks for most of the locations at this site.<P>Calm, down, think, collect your information, and then begin the decision making process. Not the other way around. <P>God Bless,<P>JL

Welcome <B>Runner1</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>It is unclear if this is a definitive sign...<BR>Check out ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html" TARGET=_blank>50 signs your spouse is having an affair (All found on this board)…</A>.<P>It has more of the common signs.<P>My prayers for you.<P> <P>Jim

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply. You have no idea how comforting it is to have a second opinion. I realize that I must sound ridiculous. I do not think that my husband has ever had an affair, just maybe a 1 night stand. I worry that drinking impaired his judgement, causing him to do something other than sleep in his car as he told me. How will I ever know? He will lie, because he would never want to lose me. I don't want to obsess about it, but I don't want to ignore my instincts. He has reassured me over and over that he could never be with anyone else, but something about his "I-slept-in-the-car" story doesn't seem very likely to me.

I believe his "I slept in the car" story. My husband has done this MANY times. In our driveway. How he got home in the condition he was in is beyond me! When they're drunk they can pass out anywhere. My H has spent the entire night passed out in the garage in the car with the door hanging open and his feet out the door. In fact this used to be a regular Sat. nite thing for him, getting plastered, passing out in the car. Many times I got up in the morning and he was still in the car, snoring away. So, he is probably telling you the truth. If not, either guilt will eat him up and he will confess, or it will be revealed in some other way. The truth always comes out sooner or later.

Dear AW<P>Thanks for the reassurance that his story is at least possible. I felt like a total fool for even wanting to believe him. I can't thank you enough for responding as trivial as I must sound to you after what you have gone through yourself. I hope that everything you said is true in my case and that the truth doesn't come out in the form of an STD, as is my biggest fear. It is also my hope that your situation has improved. I don't know your story, but I hope that your H has gotten the help that he needed and that is why you offer hope to others.