Ok,<P>I think I posted this(at least I remember writting somewhere in here) but I'm going to try and do it again.<P>Just a note on last year to bring this all into perspective, my wife's Dad pasted within the last few years. Her job was too stressful and she had a partial hysterectomy)hope I spelled that right) And because of other factors we sold the house and she left her job. She has been on med's for depression for awhile now.<P>I just found out on July 18th that my wife had been seeing the OM for several months.<P>This all started for me back in June when she met a band member from a popular band at the airport on her way to another city. Most of the band seemed to be fine with one exception. This person called her several times when we were out of town for a funeral. At first I thought it was just to give up free tickets but the numerous calls just made it uncomfortable for me. I brought up what I thought about this and she seemed to be handling it ok. But she would still take the calls.<P>She would be reading her email and then she would minimize it if I came by. Same thing all of us do at work to keep the boss or someone else from reading what we are doing.<P>We did get into a conversasion about private mail etc. And at one point I told her, 'you can read any of my mail. I have nothing to hide'.<P>Anyway what happened was I got really curious when she was trying to read her mail when I was watching a video. I could see it was sexual in nature, but was not from our friend. So one day when she went to take our son to his appointment she was still logged on. Now I had already read all the replies from the band member and was waiting for the band to to be town or close so I could get ahold of this guy. Well when she comes back she asked me if I had read her mail. Well I had already read it before so I said NO. But the she looked funny. Plus the fact that she even asked.<P>So the next day she was suppose to be going to another city to help out a family member with their place. So, I got into her mail, because I found a password folder with her passwords. So I started looking. Well one folder had a bunch of mail. So I opened it. The first was a email card. I went their and read that. Now I was getting crazy. <P>I went back to the folder and read the next 3 to 5. No doubt now. The line of..'missing your kisses' something about 'THAT' car(i assume they got it on in the car) I something about making love. That was it. I went looking for her after I sent her an email to her cell phone that I knew she was seeing someone. No reply. I left my office and went looking for her, with a crow bar in my car!<P>No luck finding her. Not where she was suppose to be. I tried calling the 'professionals' with no luck. No one available. So I called a friend of mine and she understood. She was trying to get me to clam down. I left the city where I went looking, went back to work and printed ALL the messages. All 25 dating back to last year. I called my last friend but she had a meeting. Now I had already called another good friend and she knew I was not OK. So I called her back and we talked. She felt bad for me and was trying to keep me from doing the unthinkable...killing my wife. We talked until call waiting came on. It was my Wife. She said she got all my message(the other 4 said we need to talk) She said we'll meet at the park around the corner. I told her call me when you get there. I went back on the phone with my friend until she called.<P>Now I go around the corner and get in her car and say..'so tell me whats going on' I get this look like..'what do you mean' I give her one more chance to come clean. I get ALL the email and give it to her. <P>Well to make a long story short, she admitted it. Said they 'made love' That she was 'in love' and found out he could not 'commit' So I get to hear I'm second banana on top of the fact that I have been living a LIE for the past several months. She cried, I cried and she didn't want to let me go.<P>We have a vacation planned with the kids in 2 days. We went. I had 3 books and read ALL of them. With a highlighter!<P>I called a counselor. We'll meet on Monday. But the images of my W in bad with the OP when I go to sleep just drives me.<P>How to handle the pain? Someone been here before? This really sucks!<P>
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<P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You are just on the verge of beginnings of discovery... (D-day)...<P>Now catch your breath and procede carefully.<P>It's great you've gotten a counselor...<BR>...check the counsellor out as much as you can...<BR>...and hopefully they will be "MB" literate.<P>The pain of those thoughts...<BR>...will last a while.<P>What 3 books did you read?<BR>Did your W read any of them?<P>Prayers...<P> ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif){kind=icon}
<P>Jim