Is Plan A just the idea of showing your spouse caring and thoughtfulness, and filling emotional needs, so that they realize that you are worth thinking about? I'm wondering if there is more to it, such that you need to buy the book, or is the summary on here all you need to know for Plan A?<P>Also, what if your wayward spouse doesn't want you to be affectionate anymore, because in our case, she considers us separated, even though we still live in the same house. However, periodically she will ask for a hug from me, or ask to be massaged, or ask for a kiss?<P>Thanks.

All I can give you is my personal experience. I had to Plan A before I really knew what it was. I basically reasoned that people want to be close to those that make them feel good about themselves (a source of happiness). So I started thinking about anything I could say or do to make her feel good about herself without looking like I was overdoing it.<P>My wife also lived in our house but we slept in separate bedrooms (not my choice) and she refused any affection from me (couldn't even hug her or hold her hand). Just do lot's of little things for her. Tell her the traits you like most about her. Talk about good occasions you have had in the past and remind her that you have a lot of history and good memories together. Compliment her on her physical appearance etc. But don't get into arguments and put down sessions. <P>After I confronted my wife with proof of the affair (I had to let her know that I knew) I didn't bring it up again during that time when she was "in a fog". I would however, from time to time, tell her that it was foolish to think about divorce and that we could work through whatever has happened.<P>I truly think that wayward spouses (women especially) need to be reassured that you, as the betrayed spouse, can really get beyond what they have done and that inspite of what they have done, you still want to work on the marriage. Sometimes this must be reiterated again and again (in a nice way) and gradually they might start to believe it. I think that a large part of the wall they put up, stems directly from their fear that you can never forgive them and so they put up the wall (lying to themselves that they don't love you) to protect themselves.<P>One last note ...<P>Hey buddy, if my wife had asked for a back rub or to be kissed during that time, I would have figured out a way to make it last as long as possible. :-}<BR>

Welcome <B>Rick37</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You're thinking of Plan A too simplistically...<BR>...<B>it is about making you a better PERSON</B>...<P>Do check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post...<BR>...and later on... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P> <P>Jim