h is giving B. Clinton responses to his current status re: interactions w floosy. once again, I had to figure it out on my own. h responded by stating he was "protecting me". I'm sooo fed up with that mentality. The amount of interaction can't stop unless one of them leaves the situation- but h agreed to limit it to minimal contact. Q1: does this mean he's still in withdrawal? Q2: what can I do about it? (I'm always open with my feelings- he knows) Q3: can he ever really change? Q4: floosy still tries for some type of communication with him (even though he has told me he has tried to stop her)- should I have an interaction with her? <P>------------------<BR>sad2

Welcome <B>sad2</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! You've obviously been reading since you know some of the basics of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>. That's good! "What can you do about it?"... start with strong <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>. <P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>About your situation...<BR>To bring you H back to you...<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Marital recovery cannot begin until withdrawal has ended. (page 68 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If there is a failure to totally separate from a lover, it usually means that the measures taken to guarantee separation are inadequate. (page 73 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Any</B> contact with the OP by the wayward, sets the wayward's recovery time back to the beginning. (page 73 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and...<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>While there is no hope for reconciliation when the affair is underway, as soon as the affair is ended, reconciliation is definitely possible. (page 74 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Can he(H) ever change... Yes... but it will ne mostly up to him!... while you work on your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and B</A>.<P>Should you ever contact the OW?...<BR>In general <B>no</B>!... Ask and post on this one!<P>-----------<BR>Back to the welcome wagon...<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Please give us some more history, it is hard to tell you what we think without it.<P>Genie

Not sure what is meant by history, but here goes... I found this web site and have presented it's articles to my h. We are going through marriage counseling and I have read the book After the Affair and started Fighting for your marriage- both upon the reccomendation of our counselor. I have ordered a few books that have been recommended at this web site. (I even presented the emotional needs questionaire to our counselor after both h and I took it)<P>I have given my h support where he should feel able to open up to me and stop this constant "logical protection" plan (ie. B. Clinton answers- half truths). I feel assured that h has attempted to stop as much communication with ow as possible. But, I had to be a detective to figure out how much communication was still going on as h would not really admit to the total extent. I understand his situation and that someone else made the arrangements to force him into some level of communciation with the ow. <BR>H and I have discussed other possible ways to decrease h's communication with ow. He has said ok. <BR>OW is not over him. H has told me he attempted to solve her withdrawal on his own prior to my finding out. H and counselor have stated we (I and H) cannot control what ow is thinking or how ow is acting. <BR>H is not happy that I bring up "painful events for him" regarding his interactions with ow. "Painful" meaning he is not happy it happened and it hurt h to think it would hurt me. H is not happy when I suggest certain withdrawal techniques... as he feels he is truely over ow. He does not want to think about ow not being over him or even participate in any more communications with ow other than what h is forced to do. <BR>Question 1: in reality- when one (H) reacts like that- I may have done the reading, presented it to him- what more can I do? I've been level headed. Understood h had screwed up thoughts and was most likely depressed...just venting I guess.<BR>Question 2: I was wondering if others have attempted to contact the OP and what the results were. If some level of contact is not generally accepted- why not?<P>------------------<BR>sad2