I may have destroyed a marriage. I am 22 years old and I was seeing a married man, he is 36.I had never had done anything like this before and wont ever again, but he had had affairs repeatedly over the ten years they had been married. It started out innocent.. I met him at a bar when i was out with my roommate. He and my friend spent the night talking and joking and exchanged numbers and oddly enough I didn't really notice him that night.He was in our area for schooling for three months. We talked on the phone a few times when he was trying to get ahold of my roommate, but one night he became interested in me and asked me to meet him at a club and hang out. I looked upon him as an older brother type and thought I would go hang out with him have a good time.Except when I got there everything got extremely messed up. I had a couple beers and then I<BR>was sneaking out of his hotel room because I didn't want to have to look at him in the morning... I was disgusted with myself. I continued seeing him for two months even though I wasn't ok with the relationship and I wasn't in any way ok with what I was doing. One night we went out and when we got back to his hotel his wife had called to tell him my sister had called her and told her about our<BR> affair...needless to say for me it ended right there.I left and went home and he spent the rest of the night on the phone with either me or his wife when on the phone with me he was begging me to call her and tell her it was a lie.she had suspected his past affairs and wanted proof either way and wanted to talk to me because he had told her that we were just friends. he made me feel like I was the only one who could save his marriage for him so after him begging for two days I did it...all i could think about was their two boys. My roommate however had over heard my end of the conversation and hit re-dial after i left the room and called her back to let her know that I was lying for him. His wife called me later that night and let me know what my roommate had said and I freaked and hung up on her, but my family and roommates were working on me to call her back to tell her the truth for ever. Which I did and I am wondering if in calling her and telling the truth I did the right thing. I didn't mention the past affairs because I didn't see the point in adding to his troubles, but I felt like if he loved her like he said he did then the only way for them to work past it was for her to know the truth and him to admit to it.She asked questions and I answered them mainly after I told her that I had called and lied for him.But was it right of me to decide that she got to know the truth??? And I also just wanted to pubically say I am sorry for what I did... it was wrong and vile. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I did I hurt someone just like you.

That is the problem. <P>For OW, As are a game, but for the betrayed spouses, it is their life - a relationship built on trust and respect and honour and love, often sheltering needy and vulnerable and innocent babies and children. As often affect extended families as well, such as my father who was hospitalised when OW called him and shouted and abused him on the phone. He passed away three months after that from complications.<P>I don't feel sorry for you because you and you roommates are not struggling with guilt or remorse or repentance, but simply whether you should or should not protect the man. I hope you prove me wrong here.<P>You will not believe the anguish until you experience it firsthand and then your life becomes so messed up, especially if there are kids involved. <P>Maybe you are laughing on the other side, maybe you are just playing a prank here and taking our sorrows as kicks for yourself - I don't care because whatever reason you have to conjure up this post, I hope you learn from it.<P>Tell me the truth - what is your reason for posting?

It is far from a joke. And as a christian I am struggling with guilt and remorse. I didn't enter this affair on my own, there were two of us involved. And I am not making excusses for what I did because it was wrong. I posted because I felt guilty and I am very hurt and confussed myself. I couldn't understand how I could do to someone else what I had gone through myself. I know have been on both sides of the fence I have hated and blamed the OW when my daughters father slept with my best friend and I become the OW.So I know what it feels like and what you go through and how badly it hurts to find out everything someone said to you in love has become lies. I am not hurting him in anyway except I will not accept his phone and refuse to talk to him. I hurt his wife and her children not him. I could care less what he goes through.

Certainly, you did something terrible, but it certainly doesn't make you garbage, OK?<P>"As a Christian struggling with guilt" you must know that you are already forgiven by God... I hope that you will find peace and the ability to forgive yourself. <P>Kathi<P>

Thank you Kathi

No one is trash...<BR>...who seeks to repent and loves the Lord.<P>Check out...<BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><BR>...and...<BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P>When you've started to be healed...<BR>...and need to know how to build a healthier relationship...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000288.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Concepts in Christian Scripture</A>.<P>Hey...<BR>...maybe you haven't heard it lately... but...<BR>...<B>you are loved</B>.<P> <P>Jim

(I don't know anymore what this is about with you).<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited September 01, 2000).]

"I continued seeing him for two months even<BR> though I wasn't ok with the relationship and I wasn't in any way ok with what I was doing" <P>I'm terribly confused by that statement........if you really felt that way why did you keep seeing him? What were you getting from him that you needed badly enough to keep seeing him?

This is my first time to respond even though I have been visiting the site for many weeks. I feel the need to reply because I have had an affair with a co-worker. It has ended physically, for over 1 year. <BR>There are numerous times when I think of him and the wonderful times we had together. He is someone I enjoy visiting with. It is extremely difficult to see him on a daily basis when at times I want him so badly.<BR>We are both married, know each other's spouses, children etc. It was mutual for us to end the affair and I know I am the only one who has difficulty with wanting - (yet not wanting) to let go. He seems to have no trouble putting the past behind him - why do I?<BR>It was agreed(suggested by him) by both of us that we would never tell our spouses about our affair.

I realize I'm coming into this thread late, perhaps too late, but I'd like to comment: yeah, you screwed up. But you know that now, and you regret it, and it sounds like you're really trying to do the right thing now, by avoiding further contact with the guy.<P>As a Christian, you should know, as others have already said, that God forgives you. But it sounds to me like you haven't forgiven yourself--trust me, I can relate to this.<P>Can I suggest one thing that helps <I>me</I> when I've made a Big Mistake? Maybe it will help you, too, it's simply this: promise yourself that you'll learn from your mistake and not repeat it. If it helps, think of this as your penance <P>Finally...I'd like to comment that, from your initial post, it sounds like you had waaaay too many roommates, and family members making "suggestions" and butting in and, likely, confusing the hell out of you at a time when you were emotionally sensitive. Just an observation, I'm not trying to be critical.<P>Good luck...it sounds like you've been through the ringer.<P>M<BR>