My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 and 1/2 years. We each have a son; his 8, mine 4, and we have a 2 year old daughter together. Yes the math works out right, we were pregnant when whe got married. We would have gotten married anyway, but not as soon as we did. He is a work-a-holic, working late all the time, going out of town constantly, I hardly ever see him any more. Last weekend he announces to me that he isn't happy and isn't sure that he wants to be married to me anymore. I told him if he can't be happy with me, then he should leave. Because him being unhappy is making me miserable, and me being miserable sure isn't doing the kids any good. He says he doesn't really want to leave, though. And he wants me to tell him what to do.<BR>I don't think he is having an affair, but they say the wife is always the last to know, so how can I be sure? Then the other day I was cleaning up my computer space and in my temp files found a bunch of sex web sites. I know it wasn't the kids, they aren't allowed on-line without my supervision yet. We haven't been having much sex lately. With him gone so much during the week, that makes sense, but not on the weekends either. If, in the short amount of time he is here, he spends this much time visiting those sites, how much time does he spend at them when he is gone? Or what if he doesn't settle just for the computer when he is gone? I love this man more than the world and can't stand to think of my life without him. but I also like myself to much to allow anyone to hurt me the way he has been lately. Any advice? I know the first suggestion should be a councilor, but he is out of town so much, so unexpectedly, I can't make an appointment and know he will be there. I go to church every week, but he only goes on the BIG holidays, so I don't think I could talk him into talking to our Pastor. I am lost and feeling very alone. help please.<BR>

Welcome <B>lonemom</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It's geared to those who have passed the stage of initial "discovery" of infidedlity... but it can help anyone!<P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>To see if there is a pattern...<BR>...you might want to check out ===> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html" TARGET=_blank>50 signs your spouse is having an affair (All found on this board)</A>.<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>See the mechanics in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>I would recommend that you(even if it's by yourself) have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>About the "Church" thing...<BR>...persue it slowly... but persist.<P>You have my prayers... <P> <P>Jim

Hang in there. I know this porno thing is tough, I am going through the same thing myself. Last week after finding porno pictures downloaded onto our computer he finally opened up to me about his "addiction" which he has had for 15 years more or less; it started when he was a teenager. I want to believe that he is not cheating on me, in my case he doesn't spend so much working late, etc...but I know that our sex life has dwindled in the past few months, and sometimes I wonder whether or not I'm just being paranoid. It's hard to say.<P>Even if you can't get your dh to come to counseling sessions, you at least need to get some support from somewhere. And just because you know for sure he is cheating you through pornography doesn't mean that he is actually with another woman. But I know that since your trust has been broken its hard to know for sure. That's how I feel about my own situation. And at the same time, even if your dh is not actually with someone else, it doesn't excuse what he did do as the lesser of the two evils, it still hurts you a lot because in its own way it still is like he is cheating on you. I hope that makes sense.<P>I don't know if this was very encouraging to your situation but I hope that everything will turn out okay for your family. Hugs to you!