I have been married for a little over 2 years now. Before dh and I were married, we were very open and honest with each other about our past regrets. He had confessed to me that as a teenager he became addicted to pornography, but he had put that behind him behind him before we started dating. I had no reason to worry until recently. A few months ago he came to me and confessed that he had bought a porno magazine, probably Playboy, I don't know, I never actually saw it. I was upset but I was thankful that he had admitted it to me. Some time later I found some porn sites listed in the history folder on my computer. He admitted to me that after I had accidentally found some porn sites myself while doing a completely innocent search on disciplining children, he had been curious about how easy it was to find it, and then had a hard turning the computer off. I was understanding of that and let it go. But last week I was doing some cleaning on the hard drive and found some files in the trash that I didn't recognize. I restored a couple of them to see what they were and the next thing I knew I was staring at a full shot of a naked woman leaning against a tree. I screamed and dh came running and seemed kind of nonchalant about the whole thing and I thought maybe they were leftover from earlier. I proceeded to look for other JPEG files in the temporary internet files folder and found over 200 in that folder. As I proceeded to figure out whether I could delete them and recover some hard drive space, dh started to get rather anxious and kept trying to get me away from the computer, making up a whole bunch of lame excuses about things that needed to be done, or maybe we could cuddle or something. His behavior was really weird and I asked him was there something he didn't want me to see, which he denied. I finally gave in and he later told me that he was working a birthday present for me with some pictures. I wasn't sure whether I could believe him or not. He said it was my choice whether or not to believe him, and he knew the evidence was not in his favor but that was the truth. He just didn't want me to see those files. I thought about it a long time and he almost had me convinced except for one thing...I saw that there were some similiar pictures that I was pretty sure they were porno pics dated as downloaded only 2 days before and also noticed that in the same folder there were some other JPEG files that had been opened the previous weekend, over 200 in all. The same folder he didn't want me looking in. I was hoping he would tell me that those were the pictures from the "birthday present" he was working on but he got really quiet and I knew then that he had been lying the whole time. Crying, he finally told me that he had been struggling again with this pornography problem in the past few months and was trying to hide it from me. And when I think about it the past few months in general he has seemed to be a little distant, but especially in bed. I guess I thought it had to do with the financial problems we've been having and the fact that baby # 2 is due in 2 weeks. I don't really know what to think. I appreciate that he has finally opened up to me about his problem, and he is glad to have it out in the open instead of trying to fight it by himself, but I find it very degrading that he has been looking at porn sites in the middle of the night while I'm sleeping in the next room or while I'm out shopping with my mil. I want to be supportive but it hurts to think about exactly what he is struggling with. I'm not sure what hurts me the most, whether its that he's been looking at pornagraphy or that he's been lying to me about it. I am just praying for the grace of God to help us through.

Let me just say this. I'm not invalidating your feelings because no one likes to be lied to and with that you H needs to shape up. <P>But I'd rather have my H looking at porography on the internet than sleeping with and having a baby with another woman who lives 5 minutes away. Help your H and be supportive. Now that the cat's out of the bag you can help your H with his emotional needs. And once the baby is born I'm sure you both will be quite busy.<P>This is rather innocent. As long as he has no communication with these woman I wouldn't worry so much about just lurking. At least I say that now that I'm in a much worse situation. Good Luck. <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"<P>[This message has been edited by lostsoulmate (edited September 12, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by lostsoulmate (edited September 12, 2000).]

castlebaymom...<P>I'd have to disagree with lostsoulmate...<P>Once the signs of addiction to pornograpghy is clear...<BR>...treatment is in order...<BR>...<B>professional</B> treatment!<P>Do check out...<A HREF="http://www.wildxangel.com/" TARGET=_blank>What They're Not Telling You - Or How to Read Between the Lies!!</A>.<P> <P>Jim

Yes I agree treatment is in order. And that the case may be extreme. And I would never want my H to be in this situation either. And this could always lead to other extremities. But at this point in my life I'd rather be in your situation.<P>You still have a chance to prevent anything physical or emotional from happening. At least give it your best effort. Sorry I was unclear. <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"

Hello Castlebaymom,<BR>I just started posting here again after a very long time away when I thought I could handle my problems on my own! What a joke! Sorry, I know exactly what you are going through as my h has been a smut addict for many years. There are a few very scary things about being involved with a smut addict. The first is they get progressively worse. Those nude photo's will soon become very, very hardcore photo's. Trust me, you cannot begin to imagine the filth that is out there. They all progress to this stage. That is a fact. The next stage is it will start to take over your life. No sexlife. He will prefer to masturbate in front of the computer. Next he will bring it into the bedroom. He will want to try some new things. This part is very devastating. The new things will get progressively more violent and repulsive. Do not allow this. I made that mistake, thinking maybe if I try some of this, I will excite him again. Doesn't work. The final stage is they need bigger kicks and this is when the physical adultery starts. My h's problem hasn't gone this far, (I pray). I know this probably sounds a little farfetched to you. I talked to so many porn addicts and they laid it all out in front of me and sure as heck, this is the path my h has taken as well. Before you think we are strange folk. My husband is considered to be one of the best in his career field and is a highly sought after and respected career man. We have 4 lovely children, a beautiful home and farm. Both of us are middle class and have travelled lots and have college degrees. So it does happen to normal people. In fact, it mainly happens to normal middle class folks. It is devastating and degrading and heartbreaking isn't it? It has destroyed my life and self esteem. I do not trust my h, and some days I barely can stand him. I wish someone told me a long time ago, where this looking at porno would go. I never in my wildest dreams thought it would bring me to this point. Please take care and do find out how far it has gone. Don't let it drive you crazy. If you want to talk about anything I am lurking about again. Sad to say but we have come full circle from the promises and threats, him quiting for the 1000 time and me finding out he is at it again. So I am here. Take care my friend