I found out last week that my husband has been having an affair for the past 18 months. The OW called me. He begged for my forgiveness, says that he loves me and is sorry and wants to work it out, we went to church last sunday, he says he will go to counsolling with me, we bought some books on affairs and on how to get back the intimacy we lost, we have made love nightly since last week. He emailed the OW telling her to not contact him again, and that he loves me. He says that she has not contacted him but I know she has, I know that they have IMed each other on 4 seperate occasions since last week. He is telling her that he wants to work on our marriage. So why is he still contacting her? please help me what is going on? Does our marriage stand a chance? we have been married 5 years, lived together for 3 so been together 8 years altogether. We don't have any children. <P>

KK<P>You need to discuss honesty with your H and let him know you are aware of his lies and that there is no way you will be able to even start to think of healing from this until he stops contacting her 100% aand stops lying. <P>They just don't seem to understand thaat every lie erases any work that has been done. At least it's that way for me. <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Welcome <B>KK_143</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Deb is right...<P>From the book recommended on this site... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to the betrayed spouse. (page 55 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Without total separation, marital recovery is almost impossible. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>An affair is a very powerful addiction. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>How to tell a lover that the relationship is over letter(on page 58-59 of SAA)<BR>Extraordinary precautions must be taken to guarantee separation...<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)<BR><LI> Blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)<BR><LI> Accounting for time<BR><LI> Accounting for money<BR><LI> Spending leisure time together<BR></OL><P>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...check out <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> too!<P>Prayers... <P> <P>Jim

KK,<P>No contact is a must for healing, but keep in mind that there is a withdrawal period that will test both your H and you. My W has backslid 8 times with contact, and it is very hard on progress, but slowly we are getting through it together. <P>The good news is that with the right approach, you can make headway. He can get through withdrawal, and you both can get your marriage back...more connected than ever. It will be changed, of course, but that is not a bad thing. Look at this as a way to improve yourself and your marriage. Sure, you would never choose this in million years, but it has happened and you can get something good out of it believe it or not.<P>Keep reading here at MB, and come to the forum when you need a lift and good solid advice from people who really care. I am new here for posting, but have been lurking at the site for a couple of months. There are some folks here that are clear thinkers (sorry, doesn't include me right now), and generous with their help.<P>Your marriage does stand a chance!!!<p>[This message has been edited by Dynamo (edited September 18, 2000).]