I just found out last week that my husband has been E-mailing another Female who is several Years younger then him very intamite things. She is married and is having marraital problems. He has known Her since she was born. He is my second husband and when we got married I told him not to hurt me the way my exhusband had and have an affair and let me find out about it. Well He says it was inocent. But everytime He was IMing her I would go in and he would get mad. So I thought It was alittle suspicious so I couldn't sleep one night and I went to his computer and went to his e-mail and found the e-mail that he sent to her. I was to say the least shocked at what I saw. I woke him up at 2am and let him have it. We fought for an hour and then made love then the next day I couldn't let it go. I called him at work and he ended up coming home so we could talk about it. He was very defencive about what I found. I think he was planning on going further with it, but I caught him. I don't know what she wrote to him he deleted all her e-mail. so when I was on the computer I couldn't find her e-mail. We are trying to make a go of the marriage but I can't trust him. She got a job at his work a couple of weeks ago.. What should I do. I still hurt but I don't let him know that. Things have changed now and I was hoping this wouldn't ever happen to me again.<BR>Please if anyone can help with this I would appreciate it

Welcome <B>lois</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Deb is right...<P>From the book recommended on this site... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to the betrayed spouse. (page 55 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Without total separation, marital recovery is almost impossible. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>An affair is a very powerful addiction. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>How to tell a lover that the relationship is over letter(on page 58-59 of SAA)<BR>Extraordinary precautions must be taken to guarantee separation...<BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> Changing jobs and relocating (Situation dependent)<BR><LI> Blocking all communication (phone, e-mail, pager, etc.)<BR><LI> Accounting for time<BR><LI> Accounting for money<BR><LI> Spending leisure time together<BR></OL><P>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...check out <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> too!<P>Prayers... <P> <P>Jim

Thank You for your reply I read all that stuff before posting my problem. Well my H. has blocked IM's and deleted her screen name from his computer. He has been home since Yesterday took sick leave so that we could<BR>spend quality time together. Quiting his job<BR>Isn't an opption He has worked at his job for 5years and is up for a permotion. He says he hasn't been taking lunch breaks and avoids going out where she is at breaks. She works in a different building but comes over for lunch and breaks because her uncle also works there. I'm going to work on my marriage and by the way my H. took some time off to spend it with me I believe he will too. He has shown me that he really loves me by doing what he has done with taking time off and deleting her name. My exH. never went as far with showing me that. I Know this is a different marriage but I have something to compare it to.<BR>Thanks again.