I work during the day on a normal shift while my husband works on 2nd shift (2:00-11:00)then he has to catch a ferry home so he usually doesn't get home till 12:30. I stay up for him every night in hopes that he will see how much he means to me. Last night when he came home he was mad at me because he couldn't get through on the phone (I was here when he tried to call). He seems to have one set of rules he wants me to follow and a completley different set for him. I can never (and I'm not exagerating) get through on the phone line if he is home because he is ALWAYS on the net if he is home. Well...after he chewed me out he went to his computer and proceded to connect to carol (if that is her real name, it doesn't match the phone directory for the # she gave my H) and told how misserable he is and that he wanted to kill himself. She proceeded to tell him to throw me out. My first concern is for my H's safety and Life. I am in plan A and am also now in counseling but he refuses to go with me. He sayes it's over and that he has tried. But he has never told me what it is that I do or don't do that bothers him and if I really cared I would Know. I told him I'm not a mind reader, but he just says "ohwell" I feel like I'm in court and have already been tried and sentanced when I never new I was on trial to begin with. At least now I know that his affair with OW is purely Emotional so far because she lives in southern Oregon and we live in NW washington.<BR> Sorry to ramble on so, I just need lots of support right now.<P>------------------<BR>Scared and lonely

Hi, Thanks for having read about my troubles. Thanks also for the encouragement. I have a deep faith in God and I have been struggling with giving up my will and accepting His. It is so hard when your heart is being torn apart and you just want the pain to stop. I feel that He has humbled me through this and made me reflect upon my life. I know that God does not want my marriage to end but He will not make someone do what they are unwilling to do. So my suffering my be long lasting and I pray each day to make through. <BR>I read your post and find it interesting how these different lives have such simular circumstances when it comes to an unfaithful spouse. My W kept telling me the same things. That the reason I didn't know she was so unhappy in our marriage was that I just didn't care! I understand your frustration. My W would complain and cry about things and I would try to do something about them like buying a home. But it was always about things never about us and the marriage. I recently learned that she had been telling her friends how unhappy she was in our marriage but she never came out and said anything so specific to me. Yet she blames me for not knowing because I didn't care enough to know. So I know your frustration well. It's like someone shows up at your front door one day and says "We here to take away your life as you know it. The deadline to do anything about this has past." And your response is "But I didn't know anything about this. I didn't know there was a deadline." And they say "Sorry. It's too late." You can't help but feel cheated. <BR>Be gentle with your husband, he sounds very fragile and confused right now. Any talk of suicide is real. Pass no judgements on him or his OW. Tell him you see all of this as an opportunity to get your marriage to the place it should be. That because of your work lives that you haven't been able share your feelings with each other and your willing to work to make changes. You may get him to trust you enough to describe OW to you and what she means to him. This may be how you will find out what needs he wants met. <BR>I will pray for you and thanks again.<BR>Thrown away