Well, after falling through with my plan to confront my wife last night, tonight I'm definately going to do it. How's the best way to approach this? I have evidence of her plans to sleep with exBF as well as many other lies she's told. Should I have this evidence with me or should I just tell her I have it? I don't want her to hate me even though she's the betrayer. I guess I was wrong to record her chats, but I feel I had no other choice.<P>Thanks,<BR>hurtinNC

Don't disclose how you gotthe information if you can help it...

hurtin,<BR>I just came right out and asked my husband if he was having an A with OW. I wanted a yes or no answer and that was what I got. Don't expect her to be very forthcoming with information or answers to your questions. That may come later. I explained how I figure it out (my thought process). I had also gathered evidence after D Day. Some I shared and others I did not. You dont have to show her any of your evidience. She will realize from your conversation that you know things. She may get mad no matter how you say it or what you do. That's because your blowing up her fairy tale. Don't worry about that. Nothing you are doing is any more wrong than what she did. If you want the marriage, I suggest going into immediate Plan A.<P>cleo

Well, it might not have been the exact right way, but I handed my husband the email from the ow that I had discovered and asked him to explain it to me. She was present and the shock in the room was palpable. I got pretty hysterical after that...... God was good to us though and our pastor and another good friend were present and helped keep things as calm as was possible in a bad situation.<P>I highly recommend that you get into counseling immediately, with or without your wife. In fact, if you haven't confronted her yet, I would suggest a counseling session first and possibly having the counselor present for the confrontation.<P>BTW, we are at the 2 1/2 year mark and are extremely happy. The journey was long and painful, but well worth the effort. <P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31<p>[This message has been edited by HGBrawner (edited September 20, 2000).]

I agree that you should not fully disclose where you have obtained evidence. Just say enough so that she knows that you know. I'm even having problems with this too...I'm not saying how I know, just that I do, and I don't know if it is sinking in.<P>Just prepare yourself and do it in a calm manner. Expect denial and possibly for her to freak out about being accused. I got all that. It isn't easy. Follow this site and you'll get through it much better. Good luck.