Ok....I need some advice, My H is still carring on his internet relations with at least 3 different women, He knows I know about one of them but he continues to seek her out. I know that our relationship won't be able to be restored with these relations in tackt but how do I get him to stop, preferably without leaving. I want to make it work but how do I get OW #1,2,and 3 out of the picture. I've seen him on AOL instant chat talking two all three at once, each one none the wiser to the other ones, I don't understand how he can tell 3 women that he loves each of them and will be dreaming of them all in a span of 15 minutes. <BR>I am on Plan A and going to counseling, I see little changes in him for the good (verry slowly developing). should I just ride out the internet thing and continue what I have been doing and hope he sees the error of his ways soon or should I act and if I should Act, what should I do. I feel like every time he gets on the internet with these women like he's bringing them into my own home. Is this a justified feeling or am I over reacting.<P>------------------<BR>Irene

No Irene,<P>You're not over reacting... <P>You need to let him know...<BR>...that your own honesty requires that you tell him you know.<BR>Remember <LI> <B><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3903_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Rule of Honesty:</A></B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<P>And then make sure it is addressed in the counseling!<P> <P>Jim

I, too, was dealing with a H with internet addiction. He had 9 different women, all over the country. Some he eventually met with on assorted business trips (he travels a lot - always has - but until the internet chatroom thing started I don't think he ever did anything). I found all of this out when I hacked into his email - what a shocker - hundreds of messages saved that went back 6 months for some of them. I just copied all of their addresses and other info I could get from the messages - printed out copies of some from each woman to have as evidence also. I then emailed each of the women. Told them who I was - gave each the truth about H's life (how long married, number of kids, etc) - also that she was not alone - and then told them each all of the others names and some quotes from the other's messages. Also told them that I was writing to all, that I had copies of their emails to H, that I would send copies out to any of them who wanted hard evidence of the existence of these other women. <P>The next day, I received 5 emails back from women who apologized to me - had no idea who they were dealing with - had thought H was single, etc. Most felt foolish and said they would no longer have anything to do with him. 4 women I never heard from, but I know only 2 contacted him again (both to "tattle" on me - which was unnecessary since I showed him what I had and told him what I did in terms of contacting these women). He continues in contact with these 2, but says they are only "friends" now - which is quite possible since one is married and the other has a new boyfriend - and both know he is unavailable.<P>Sometimes a forceful proactive stance can work in your favor - especially if you make the other women feel foolish for having been taken in - and maybe feel a bit threatened by knowing their emails may get sent out to people they don't know.<P>The chatroom thing is awfully tough to deal with - and it looks like a lot of us are going through it. It is truly wrecking many marriages.<P>Lillyfair

Lilly Fair,<P>I know he's go E-mail from atleast 3 different women but I don't know how to get into his E-mail,(they no longer send it to his E-mail that I can access) He now has his own private E-mail through Hot mail on the internet. Is it possible to Hack it and if so how.

Do a search for "WinGuardian" or other keystroke logger. You install it on your computer, and it runs in the background. It will tell you every keystroke your H makes on the computer, including his e-mail passwords.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lillyfair:<BR><B>I, too, was dealing with a H with internet addiction. He had 9 different women, all over the country. Some he eventually met with on assorted business trips (he travels a lot - always has - but until the internet chatroom thing started I don't think he ever did anything). I found all of this out when I hacked into his email - what a shocker - hundreds of messages saved that went back 6 months for some of them. I just copied all of their addresses and other info I could get from the messages - printed out copies of some from each woman to have as evidence also. I then emailed each of the women. Told them who I was - gave each the truth about H's life (how long married, number of kids, etc) - also that she was not alone - and then told them each all of the others names and some quotes from the other's messages. Also told them that I was writing to all, that I had copies of their emails to H, that I would send copies out to any of them who wanted hard evidence of the existence of these other women. <P>The next day, I received 5 emails back from women who apologized to me - had no idea who they were dealing with - had thought H was single, etc. Most felt foolish and said they would no longer have anything to do with him. 4 women I never heard from, but I know only 2 contacted him again (both to "tattle" on me - which was unnecessary since I showed him what I had and told him what I did in terms of contacting these women). He continues in contact with these 2, but says they are only "friends" now - which is quite possible since one is married and the other has a new boyfriend - and both know he is unavailable.<P>Sometimes a forceful proactive stance can work in your favor - especially if you make the other women feel foolish for having been taken in - and maybe feel a bit threatened by knowing their emails may get sent out to people they don't know.<P>The chatroom thing is awfully tough to deal with - and it looks like a lot of us are going through it. It is truly wrecking many marriages.<P>Lillyfair</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Lilly, I just found this site and am afraid that my H is also engaged with several woman on the internet since we got our computer for christmas last year. I have tried to Winguardian but can't seem to find anything out of the ordinary. Is there any place else to look for tracks and evidence? He is often very secretive and refuses to talk when I try to gain information. I am so concerned that someday I may wake up and find he is gone forever, leaving both myself and our 3 small children. It seems like you have take matters into your own hands. Does it seems to be working? and Do you have any advice? Thanks to this whole site for helping me work through this horrible situation.