HarryHat,<P>If you read many of my posts you'll see that I don't agree with the idea of keeping an affair a big secret. Keep one thing in mind, LIARS LOVE SECRETS!!!<P>No matter how you cut it there are four adult lives involved with this affair, your W, you, the OM, and his wife.<P>Don't you believe everyone deserves to know the truth?<P>You say you want to pull her out of the "fog"? Well a dose of reality goes along way to doing this!<P>If I were in your shoes I would contact the OM, tell him that you know all about the affair, and that he has two choices. He can tell his W about it withing 48 hours or your going to. And then make the phone call to make certain he has. (Don't make threats you aren't willing to make good on.)<P>As you can see I don't agree with the let the spouse "boink" anyone and everyone while you keep working toward a marriage and parenting.<P>Something you need to consider is your and your kids well being. I'd bet dollars to donuts she is planning the best way to take your kids and move the 150 miles. Man get a lawyer and put a stop to it NOW!<P>If, after you have legal custody of the kids, she wants to come home she still can, it's up to you.<P>I know you said she is a great parent but consider what she is teaching your kids.<P>It's OK to cheat on your spouse.<BR>Marriage vows with made with God mean nothing.<BR>Being a liar is OK.<BR>Place your own needs in front of everything regardless of who you hurt, even your own kids.<P>I ask you, is that what you call a great parent?